To think friend should have told me they hadn't bought me a ticket this year?

[thoonerismspread]

Me and a group of friends go to an event every year.

It started with me and my closest friend going, and gradually others began coming with us/joining us there until there was a group of around 20 of us.

My friend always bought my ticket for my birthday as it is around the same time.

He buys the ticket for next year's event straight after the event, because it sells out very quickly.

This year he apparently has not.

The reason I know this is his girlfriend has sent me a message saying 'Spiky you might want to get your ticket, I don't know if (friend) has bought you one this year!'

I was busy and said 'Okay I'll ask him' . Few days passes and girlfriend then tagged me on SM in a post regarding the tickets selling out soon.

I have just had another message from her saying 'You have to get your ticket! They'll sell out by the end of the week!'

Anyway,

AIBU to think that, given friend has bought my ticket for the last 17 years, he should've told me he hasn't this year? It's absolutely fine that he hasn't by the way, quite happy to buy my own. AIBU to wonder why HE hasn't contacted me, why she has?

AIBU to wonder why he hasn't (it is definitely, definitely! Not a money issue).
Maybe he's upset with me/doesn't want me to go?

WWYD?

For a long time (about 5 years I think), up until a couple of years ago, I wasn't really enjoying this event any longer, if it is relevant. I told him not to buy me a ticket, I didn't want to go. Friend INSISTED, absolutely devastated that I'd said this and nagged and nagged until I relented. Each year. I did quite enjoy it once there but that's more because I make the most of situations. I have enjoyed it in more recent years.

I wonder if something has changed and he doesn't want me to go any more?

I think I will just msg and ask him. The issue is if he doesn't want me to go/is annoyed with me, I'd rather not go anyway!

You should buy him some flowers and pop them round.

Do you know mist men never ever get flowers, but seems they actually like thank you gifts...

I was with you until the laughter emoji, but I think that is a pretty hard work response. What’s he supposed to make of it? He’s asked a straightforward question which deserves a polite response.

Agree.

That was such an odd and confusing thing to do.
Just answer him.

I don't understand how people can be really good, long standing friends with people but can't just talk to them

I guarantee the friend and his gf have had an argument about him paying for your ticket, and the gf has said “You need to tell OP you’re not paying for the ticket any more, and if you don’t say something then I will!”

What's SHE supposed to make of his message?! The default is he buys. I don't believe the drunk story for one minute btw. Because as soon as you realised you'd only bought two, you'd just buy a third for OP. Instead, the weird GF is going "quick buy your ticket buy your ticket!!"

Its her thats the driving force behind all this, and now she's lying to cover her sneaky controlling antics.

Now I know you don't want to go, and I wouldn't either. But just be aware she will still twist that into "see BF, she only bothers to go if you pay, if OP has to put her hand in her own pocket she doesn't bother, she's just a user/taker/,freeloader" or whatever BS she comes up with. Maybe even saying you're not really his friend if you don't want to spend time with him enough to pay for your own ticket.

But he's wet as well. He's avoided the whole drama, and made it worse. He could have made something up, been proactive and said that things were too tight this year or something, but he just ignored the whole thing. He didn't put GF straight but he also treated you poorly by running away from her drama while pushing you towards it instead.

Exactly this. Friend had in fact told you that he hasn't bought a ticket. Through his girlfriend. Buy a ticket if you want one. Don't be weird.

@thoonerismspread is it for a music festival? If so many people sell on Twickets a lot cheaper closer to the time. I've picked tickets for a particular one we've attended for the last ten years at cheaper than early bird price.😃

'Ahhhh that's not a problem. Thanks for the heads up. TBH I'm not too fussed about going this year. I really appreciate the generosity over the past couple of years but I honestly don't expect anything as a gift never mind a gig ticket. Hope you guys enjoy the show if you're still going'

Honestly is it that difficult just to send a breezy message back and all get on with your lives. Life is too short to get stressed about such a none-issue. You don't really want to go and he/his gf doesn't want to pay for a ticket. Win win situation. Don't overcomplicate it surely???

What's the event. I feel like I want to go now

@thoonerismspread

If you're good friends of more than 17yrs, just ask him! 🤷‍♀️ Why all the angst??

Doesn't it make a difference that I sent him that then rang him immediately?

Is the fact that you've been designated driver all these years part of the reason he's always bought your ticket? And also partly why you've gone to the event even though it's not your cup of tea, because you'd feel bad about him not having a driver? This sounds a very understandable, human combination of friend-stuff.

Sorry - meant to add that it's therefore understandable that you'd be discombobulated by the sudden change. You're not making a drama, imho.

So OP, please: did you say yes or no to his question about whether you want the ticket for your birthday?

ARE YOU GOING OR NOT?

I would have just sent a text saying 'DG says you haven't bought me a ticket for x this year... have I done something to upset you? Happy to buy my own but don't want to if you'd rather I didn't come!' or something similar to that.

Why wasn't DG upfront in the first place and say 'oops, friend has bought tickets but forgot to get you one as he was drunk' or even better than that, why didn't they just buy another ticket for you when they were sober???
I'm frustrated for you!

No problem, It's become a large thread! Easy to miss things.

It has so it seems!

I know! Bit confusing.
And yes that would have been a good idea too although it is sorted now

Yes, it seems that I am after the chat we had last night although I do have a week or so to think about it apparently. The tickets they have are the earlier tickets which sell quickly as they're slightly cheaper, there will still be some of the 'normal' ones left. I am not so experienced in all of this as I haven't ever bought one myself.

I am going to assume you are going. From what you have said they probably won't have you missing out. I hope you enjoy yourself.

This was what I thought.

Bloody hell, that's hard work reading this thread!! Either you want to go or you don't. Just phone him and ask what's happening?!

I think that if his girlfriend is reminding you to buy your ticket, he wants you to go! Or at least doesn't want you to not go. They've likely talked about it and the reason he hasn't reached out is because she has done so, likely on their joint behalf.