To think friend should have told me they hadn't bought me a ticket this year?

[thoonerismspread]

Me and a group of friends go to an event every year.

It started with me and my closest friend going, and gradually others began coming with us/joining us there until there was a group of around 20 of us.

My friend always bought my ticket for my birthday as it is around the same time.

He buys the ticket for next year's event straight after the event, because it sells out very quickly.

This year he apparently has not.

The reason I know this is his girlfriend has sent me a message saying 'Spiky you might want to get your ticket, I don't know if (friend) has bought you one this year!'

I was busy and said 'Okay I'll ask him' . Few days passes and girlfriend then tagged me on SM in a post regarding the tickets selling out soon.

I have just had another message from her saying 'You have to get your ticket! They'll sell out by the end of the week!'

Anyway,

AIBU to think that, given friend has bought my ticket for the last 17 years, he should've told me he hasn't this year? It's absolutely fine that he hasn't by the way, quite happy to buy my own. AIBU to wonder why HE hasn't contacted me, why she has?

AIBU to wonder why he hasn't (it is definitely, definitely! Not a money issue).
Maybe he's upset with me/doesn't want me to go?

WWYD?

For a long time (about 5 years I think), up until a couple of years ago, I wasn't really enjoying this event any longer, if it is relevant. I told him not to buy me a ticket, I didn't want to go. Friend INSISTED, absolutely devastated that I'd said this and nagged and nagged until I relented. Each year. I did quite enjoy it once there but that's more because I make the most of situations. I have enjoyed it in more recent years.

I wonder if something has changed and he doesn't want me to go any more?

I think I will just msg and ask him. The issue is if he doesn't want me to go/is annoyed with me, I'd rather not go anyway!

Maybe he got sick of you saying you didn't want to go so he didn't think he'd bother.

Normally yes but as he’s been buying her one for 17 years, I don’t think it’s an unreasonable assumption. He’s the unreasonable one for not telling her he’s doing something different after 17 years of doing the same thing.

I think they've given up trying to get you to buy your own and have got you one last minute. You do seem to have some trouble with your communication skills, going from your replies here

His girlfriend messaged you. You ignored it

but youv'e said you don't enjoy it and you don't want to go - so now he's not asking you - which is normal in my opinion.

If a friend said repeatedly they didn't enjoy something and didn't want to be there, why would I continue to force them to come.

maybe he thought OK- she's had enough.

Add the spicy girlfriend to the mix - of course you're not going.

First thing I thought too!

The level of confusion and angst involved in this whole thing is giving me a slight headache. Why are you all making this so needlessly complicated?!

It's the GF behind the decision, she's threatened by your friendship, he'll have made it clear it's non negotiable and they'll have agreed boundaries (he'll be going along with to keep the peace). He's making her do it because he doesn't know what to tell you. Just reach out to him, agree to meet up another time and say you're not buying a ticket because you don't want to go. You can either ignore the GF messages, she doesn't get to micromanage your relationships, or to keep the peace send a brief 'thanks but I'll give it a miss this year.' 💐

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I was thinking the same. Daydreamers as my Mum would call them.

You’re massively overthinking this. He obviously wants to stop buying you a ticket. For some reason he’s too much of a coward to tell you. His girlfriend knew you would miss out if you didn’t buy a ticket so she told you for him. So they obviously want you there.

She's probably gone and told him you haven't been on to the web site to buy a ticket and he may have gone on himself and bought you one because he didn't want you not to go.

Place marking as I'm now oddly invested to find out if he got you a ticket or not 😂

I bet it’s the Rocky Horror show isn’t it? 👀

Same! How does anyone cope with life with this level of overthinking? Blimey.

Ah no see I'm with the OP here and would overthink it just as much on occasion, then on others I'd just be blunt as fuck 😂 no middle ground here

THERE IS NO PLOT!

Seriously, you're creating drama out of nothing.

I can't add any advice here other than saying I wouldn't want my boyfriend buying another woman tickets for an event regardless of a long standing friendship. It sounds like his girlfriend has had a say in this given she has contaced you to say buy your own ticket. He hasn't mentioned it to you which makes this scenario even more likely. Perhaps back off a little and see how things transpire in the future. It may not be the case but if it is at least you'll know how to handle things regarding boundaries going forward,especially if it's a serious relationship.

I missed the update saying GF said he may have bought you a ticket. It still feels like she's calling the shots here & is letting you know subtilly she doesn't feel it's appropriate now. I could be wrong but that's how it's making me feel given your posts OP.

She’s telling you, instead of him telling you.

if he's such a great friend why have you simply not asked him?

It may not be the case but if it is at least you'll know how to handle things regarding boundaries going forward,especially if it's a serious relationship.

How is a friend buying another friend a birthday present over stepping boundaries?. You don;t stop getting birthday gifts for your friends just because you are in a relationship.

OK I accept people will have different views on this. I wouldn't buy other men gifts nor would I expect my DH to buy other women gifts unless it was gifts from us both attending a party. Any gift to friends either mine or his or both would always be from and chosen by us both.

I am back so I'll reply to any asking questions I haven't already addressed.

Yes, I did 'phone him. No answer. (I rang twice, to be fair he does have form for that so I wasn't sure he'd answer anyway)I couldn't really call him earlier (when I began this thread) because we were both at work-he can't always answer and I have to be available in case someone calls me.

Thank you. I appreciate the helpful replies. I am getting some saying I am creating drama, I haven't created any drama at all. I just genuinely wondered whether people thought he should've told me, or it was odd he hadn't or maybe something had happened. I got a lot of helpful answers too.

It would be more than slight CFy yes. However not in this case because I didn't (?!).