To think friend should have told me they hadn't bought me a ticket this year?

[thoonerismspread]

Me and a group of friends go to an event every year.

It started with me and my closest friend going, and gradually others began coming with us/joining us there until there was a group of around 20 of us.

My friend always bought my ticket for my birthday as it is around the same time.

He buys the ticket for next year's event straight after the event, because it sells out very quickly.

This year he apparently has not.

The reason I know this is his girlfriend has sent me a message saying 'Spiky you might want to get your ticket, I don't know if (friend) has bought you one this year!'

I was busy and said 'Okay I'll ask him' . Few days passes and girlfriend then tagged me on SM in a post regarding the tickets selling out soon.

I have just had another message from her saying 'You have to get your ticket! They'll sell out by the end of the week!'

Anyway,

AIBU to think that, given friend has bought my ticket for the last 17 years, he should've told me he hasn't this year? It's absolutely fine that he hasn't by the way, quite happy to buy my own. AIBU to wonder why HE hasn't contacted me, why she has?

AIBU to wonder why he hasn't (it is definitely, definitely! Not a money issue).
Maybe he's upset with me/doesn't want me to go?

WWYD?

For a long time (about 5 years I think), up until a couple of years ago, I wasn't really enjoying this event any longer, if it is relevant. I told him not to buy me a ticket, I didn't want to go. Friend INSISTED, absolutely devastated that I'd said this and nagged and nagged until I relented. Each year. I did quite enjoy it once there but that's more because I make the most of situations. I have enjoyed it in more recent years.

I wonder if something has changed and he doesn't want me to go any more?

I think I will just msg and ask him. The issue is if he doesn't want me to go/is annoyed with me, I'd rather not go anyway!

YABU if you've been saying for the last few years you dont enjoy it and not to buy a ticket.

Maybe the GF is suggesting that he should stop buying you a ticket every year, especially when you've previously said not to.

I definitely wouldn't expect it every year and not even check in if he's still willing to.

For whatever reason he has not bought you a ticket for next year.
GF knows this and has dropped hints to you.
You reply "I'll check with him soon".
She has probably said to him several times "Have you told Spiky you're not buying her ticket for 2025?"
He replies "I'll tell her soon".

I see why you two are friends.

Not the last few years-there was a period where I didn't enjoy it but I began to again the last couple of years.

I am not sure I understand the rest of your post, sorry?

Hmm - are you sure they're going?

If not, maybe "Hi [friend], [girlfriend] and I have been chatting about [event] next year - just wanted to check what your guys' plans are? [I'll get myself a ticket if you're going / I'm actually thinking about giving it a miss next year, especially if you guys aren't planning to go.]"

This reminds me a bit of the time I was trying to organise a weekend away for my DH's 30th birthday and his friends were being really evasive about committing. Turns out they were expecting a baby hadn't told anyone yet. That could be colouring my advice on this, so maybe I'm really barking up the wrong tree!

Could you please resolve for us the question of whether you want to go or not? I'm feeling tense on your behalf that the tickets will all be gone!

I agree she has perhaps said to him that he shouldn't be paying for you with his money, but at the same time she's also worried/guilty that you'll miss out if you don't buy your own ticket in time, and that's why she, rather than he, is speaking to you.

He doesn't see it as that urgent, perhaps because you've said you're not bothered, whereas she is perhaps worried about getting the blame if you miss out.

You’re being a bit odd tbh. I don’t see the issue. You’ve said you don’t want to go. You haven’t contacted him, he hasn’t contacted you. His gf has told you in advance he hasn’t and encouraged you to get one before they sell out.
what do you want?
do you fancy him or something

This whole thing is weird.

If he's a good enough friend to splash out on 17 years worth of tickets for you, then presumably he's a good enough friend to just ask him what's going on.

You told is gf you would speak to him, and then didn't. Maybe do that.

Was anything said at this year’s event? I find it odd you didn’t leave each other with any mention of “can’t wait for next year etc”?

😂well I didn't contact him yet becuase I don't know what to say, I am trying to work out why he hasn't, and also trying to work out if I want to go or not! Plus, I really thought given the circumstances, that he might contact me. Especially if gf is trying to get him to? Nobody is asking me to contact him, and I've not necessarily got a real reason to (or didn't know if I had).

Either the GF is behind the not buying you the ticket thing OR they’ve chatted about it and he thinks that by her saying she’s told you to buy your own that you know you’re buying your own. I can entirely envisage a situation where I say oh we need to tell Brenda to do such and such and he says yeah. So next time I speak to her I say oh just to let you know you need to such and such. Then he says he’s not had chance to speak to her that in passing or whatever and I say well it’s fine because I told her the other day. Surely that’s the most logical explanation? That he doesn’t think he NEEDS to tell you because his GF has?

Either way just send him a message (or ring) and say “hey GF has said I need to buy my ticket for XYZ so was going to do that ~whenever~ unless you’ve already done your usual?” He knows you still want to come, he knows you’re willing to buy one, opens up the chance for him to say oh yeah good idea because we are saving or maybe they’re not going.

I am the gayest thing that walked the earth and we've been friends almost 40 years. Nope.

Yes she had contacted me and I have just got around to giving it some real thought, and now I feel that yes, it is a bit of an odd situation, why didn't he tell me? Why does she seem to want me to go to much? Has something gone on?

Just ring him and say before I buy a ticket you definitely haven’t bought one for me have you?
Job done.

Just message him and say 'gfs name mentioned you didn't get me a ticket this year - let me know, if not, I'll get my own as they're about to sell out!'

I definitely don't want to go if friends' reason for not getting my ticket is that he doesn't want me there!

Your second sentence is a good point, she may be doing that.

"Hi X, your girlfriend messaged me to remind me to get a ticket for the event, and I just wanted to check in before I do that you haven't bought me one! Of course I don't expect you to at all, but as you always have before I thought it best to check. I've been really grateful for all the previous years by the way, thank you. I'm happy to grab a ticket if you haven't, just let me know.

Looking forward to seeing you at the event, it's going to be a good one!"

@BaublesRocking that is EXACTLY the kind of thing I'd usually write in this type of situation! I am very fluffy! I just couldn't think of how to word it. Thank you!

You have been told. By his girlfriend. You can't pretend you don't have the information just because you don't like the way the message was delivered.

They want you there, they just aren't paying for a present of that value this year. Thats literally why they are giving you a heads up, becasue tickets will sell out. Just message him and ask so you don't end up with 2. I'm sure he is either just busy or not wanting to 'spoil' your present by telling you before your birthday.

They've informed you, you're overthinking it.

He probably bought it as usual and she has decided to give it to someone else in the mean time.

Oh I would DEFINITELY let him know that his GF has told me he hasn't got me a ticket...

Just in case there are shenanigans afoot and he in fact has, but she's promised it to someone else and now thinks if you get your own ticket, she can say 'oh but look, Thoonerism has her own ticket now so.... '

People are so determined to make the OP at fault sometimes.

I think you’re perfectly within your rights to wonder why he didn’t just tell you that he wasn’t getting you a ticket this year. There are many ways to word it and he must know that you won’t have been offended, as you’ve been ambivalent about the event in the past. Strange behaviour from him and I think the gf knows it and is trying to help, which is nice of her.

I think he's bought the usual two tickets and his girlfriend has taken the other one, leaving you without.
unless he normally buys 3 one for gf too

Exactly this. YABU - why are you pretending like you don't know the outcome? Your friend has done it before but why do they need to continue? The GF is clearly telling you to buy a ticket - it's not a mystery.

IMO you seem to have an issue with the GF - people's priorities and finances change. He has a GF and now doesn't want to buy you a ticket - which I am assuming is not cheap.

I would assume he bought two tickets and his gf wants the other one and wants you to buy your own

I am not sure if he buys gf's or not. Never asked that.

She has since messaged me again and said she thinks he might have got me one...Plot thickens. Thank you for the further replies, will read through them shortly.