To think this comment about women with no female friends is problematic?

[Newlifeincoming]

I saw a comment recently that said “women who don’t have any friends that are women are red flags. I don’t care what anyone says.”

I find this a bit troubling and potentially judgemental.

AIBU for thinking that this perspective is unfair and doesn’t account for individual circumstances or preferences? What do you think about this kind of statement?

I don’t bother having any friends! Got my partner and my kids happy with that.

In your opinion. Whenever I've met a woman who says she prefers men, she says things like: women are bitchy, catty, too complicated, gossip, too girly, bullies, uninteresting etc

I don't think they're man eaters at all, I think they have a very poor view of women to which they are always the exception.

I have very few female friends.

Part of it is because I'm socially inept. It's recently been suggested that I have ADHD and ASD. No real surprise, since I've had an OCD diagnosis for 30 yrs and there's ASD in my family.

As a little girl, I preferred playing with boys because I much preferred playing at spacemen, etc and I preferred boys' comics to The Bunty, etc. (Though I quite enjoyed Mandy.)

I wish it had been otherwise. I found out the hard way that some boys are dangerous.

Part of it however, is that I spent years working and caring for my parents and then my late husband.

i do get upset when I see such judgemental comments. I'm okay putting on "a mask" and speaking to folk in shops, etc but I've no children so I've found that that somewhat constrains interacting with other women to an extent. Maybe I am just a weirdo.

I joined an SF forum some years ago, and found it easier to interact with other women on there. When my husband died, the support that I got was wonderful. One young woman and her family edited the music for my husband's funeral for me. (Lockdown - I was only allowed pre-recorded non-copyrighted music.)

I worked as a teacher for 40 yrs, but there's a lot of acting involved in that job, so I was fine. I recall not knowing how to interact with other teachers in the women's staffroom when I first started.

Anyway, just to say that I agree with the OP.

I agree totally!

I think it's too much of a blanket statement, and I'd think less of someone who went around saying it (and likely thinking it made them sound clever).

There are too many reasons why someone may not have female friends, male friends, or any friends at all. The mere fact a woman has no female friends means little, taken in isolation. If they're not a good person for whatever reason, that will become obvious from their behaviour, not the sex of their friends.

I think people of either sex who are only friends with one sex are red flags, really. Once you're an adult that's a conscious choice (with circumstantial exceptions, but they're rare), so that means you think one sex isn't worth being friends with, or you're so limited that whether you relate to someone is dependent on their genitalia.

I used to agree with this but not anymore as I’ve realised it’s mostly down to luck whether you meet people and click with them. It also depends on how you define friendship and the boundaries you hold (and the boundaries your friends have) too, I’m thinking of the people who have a horrible friendship group, they have friends but aren’t really friends.
I know a couple of lovely women who don’t have many friends but there isn’t some underlying red flag, they just don’t come across many women in their day to day lives. I also know a couple of awful people (one who’s actually violent) who still have friends, so it’s no indication.

I always think judgemental is one of the overused words on MN but there really are a lot of judgemental comments on this thread.

YANBU. The women I’ve come across that struggle to maintain friendships are often on the spectrum. Its fucking rude not fair to claim they’re a red flag

Thank you for saying this.

I find women who make statements like that entirely tedious.

I do wonder if I'm on the spectrum, my dd has autism and we share a lot of the same traits.

...And probably reinforce the negative idea they have of women

You are as bad as they are - making assumptions about their meaning and what's led them to make that statement

My experience is quite the opposite! She thinks women don’t like her because they are so jealous of how beautiful and captivating she is, and are worried about her stealing their men away.

When in reality they aren’t remotely jealous but are giving the obvious dramarama a wide berth.

That’s not what the OP says though - it’s specifically about friendships with women. It they can maintain friendships with men but won’t with women, that’s very different from struggling to maintain friendships at all.

YANBU It’s a silly comment. Friends are situational and mainly made by chance.

No, I know exactly the type of woman who makes sweeping statements about having no female friends and only getting on with men.
The fact these women say it to other women tells me all I need to know about them.
Tedious indeed.

I think it’s more of a red flag for women to talk about “ friendship groups”

It so high school- ish and cliquey.

Its a blanket statement, you could easily extrapolate either way. It doesn’t say ‘no female friends but lots of male friends’. As it stands, the statement would include women who struggle to maintain any friendships and it is that which I take issue with.

But if you were in a friendship which you distanced yourself, surely they're not women who don't have female friends. They had you.

I once mentioned that I previously had a lot of male friends and found that I naturally gelled a bit easier with men (as part of a discussion).

I got accused of being a 'pick me' girl and flirting, and being against women and a red flag. I also said something similar on Mumsnet and everyone completely piled on.

I've since found out I have probable autism, and have also learned that female autistic brains have more in common with male neurotypical brains, and the style of communication for autistic females is more similar to neurotypical males on average than it is to neurotypical females.

So the barrier to communication with other women is real, and the difference I've felt all my life is not something I've necessarily invented.

I'd say, stop being judgemental and don't assume you know everything about everyone.

My friends are mostly male. I’ve been very happily married for 17 years. Can you explain why I’m a red flag please?

I don't have many friends, full-stop. It is a red flag that I'm quite boring.

I have social anxiety and really struggle to make friends, so I find any kind of judgement around friendships problematic to be honest. You have absolutely no idea what someone may be going through that might make it difficult to make friends with certain people or with anyone at all. Isn’t it enough that I have to live with a mental illness that makes me constantly isolated and lonely without people making out that it makes me a bad person too? In my opinion people who make this type of comment should be grateful they don’t have any social issues and stop bullying those who do.

Oh you are so self confident that you understand totally ?

Yeah - that's called making assumptions and you don't even notice you doing it

And that tend to be associated for me with people who make a lot of assumptions, including those about gender ...