To think this comment about women with no female friends is problematic?

[Newlifeincoming]

I saw a comment recently that said “women who don’t have any friends that are women are red flags. I don’t care what anyone says.”

I find this a bit troubling and potentially judgemental.

AIBU for thinking that this perspective is unfair and doesn’t account for individual circumstances or preferences? What do you think about this kind of statement?

For the obtuse banging on about rape, cat-calling, etc. as some sort of gotcha (which it really isn't), no woman is going to knowingly be friends with a man who indulges in that grotesque behaviour.

You mean me. You think I'm being obtuse, which is ironic.

You misunderstood my point. People were complaining about having experiences of being bullied by women or women being spiteful. I pointed out that men cat call, harass, sexually assault and abuse women, which would be considered bullying and spiteful behaviour but they're still friends with men.

Men frequently display bullying and spiteful behaviour but aren't all tarred with the same brush. They seem to be treated as individuals rather than one homogeneous mass who all act the same.

You seem to have taken over this thread Overbearingndn. I didn't misunderstand your point, it was simple enough. I was making a different point to the one you were making, and I don't necessarily agree with your views. My male friends are not spiteful and don't rape or cat-call and my female friends are not spiteful. I don't assume that people are too stupid to have friendships, of either sex, where these are factors.

We could of course put NAMALT and add NAWALT either but I'm not going to. Men and women can be spiteful. I made a point about the MM thread which is a festering example of female spite. I'm not going to go looking for a thread full of male bile but you feel free.

I'm responding to people who quote me. I wasn't aware that was taking over a thread.

You're deliberately misunderstanding me which is delightful.

You seem to be taking what I'm saying very personally. I wasn't referring to your friends. I don't know them.

I was saying that it's unfair to tar all women with the same brush because you've been bullied or treated spitefully by some. (Again, that's directed generally, not at your friends that I don't know.) I also made the point that men often display those very behaviours.

It seems you do agree with me:

Men and women can be spiteful.

Which is what I'm saying.

I have certainly known women who much prefer men. Sometimes they’re also the types who’d pinch your bloke as soon as look at you, but they’re the ones who behave very differently around men. IMO many women have finely tuned antennae for spotting the more predatory types at 50 paces.

Men are 'tarred with the same brush' all the time. Several threads on here exhibit that, perfectly. "Why can't men see the dirty dishes?". "Why do men blah blah, why are men, blah blah".
It happens all the time.
It's also notable that we have heard quite a bit from posters here who default to women who don't like women being after everybody's man. They meet two women who did that and that's every single woman who has more male than female friends. Not to mention the massive internalised misogyny of the OW being the one to blame.
I completely respect that women who have been the subject of abusive behaviour from men may not be comfortable with having male friends and this definitely happens. I don't think anybody would argue with that. That's the sort of occasion where a NAMALT comment would not be appropriate or welcome. So why do we think NAWALT is appropriate when someone talks about the women in their life who treated them badly? Why do we think it is appropriate to dismiss ND posters who feel more comfortable conversing with men? If somebody said they found it hard to talk to men because of ND, I bet there would be a lot more understanding.

I'm not repeating myself again. You've misunderstood what I've said and that's your prerogative.

No, I haven't. But it's your prerogative to keep repeating that whilst making the same point nobody actually misunderstood.

It sure is. Isn't life great!

I make a conscious effort to never ever talk about anyone which leads to me basically being silent at work, as all of the women in my office constantly slag each other off including people they say they're close to. For example, last week one asked another colleague how to sack her bridesmaid because she was piling on weight. I later saw a post online of them doing bridesmaid preparations together with a bottle of wine. So tbh, I think it's fair enough to observe that women bitch about each other. Also, again I never have that problem with men at work. I've seen them get worked up with each other but it's direct and objective, not about stuff like a bridesmaid putting on weight. Fwiw no I'm not massively obsessed with all these men and therefore ignoring their negative traits, I'm very in love with my husband but can't help that men are a lot nicer to be around at least in my life and where I am. I do have good female friends also, still doesn't change my view on the whole.

Out of interest if you were to answer me honestly, are you quite bitchy about other women?

100% agree, all men cheat is another one. The dismissal of ND women is out of order, I don't think people understand how difficult it is for a ND person to navigate the dynamics of typical female relationships so they opt out leaving them with men by default to be friends with. Theres no hierarchy or competition or comparison, men are just different - that's all. It isn't a slight against women.

Your question seems like a statement where you are trying to pass a condescending judgement. We wouldn’t be friends.

But you're making a massive generalisation based on the fact that you work in an office with unpleasant female colleagues. If I based my general ideas about men on my immediate colleagues, I would think it was a general male 'rule' to replace a wife of your own age with one of your postgraduate students, and to start having a second family, so you have toddlers in your mid-fifties who are around the same age as your grandchildren from your original family.

You have, by your own admission, few female friends. I have lots. None of them, nor my sisters, aunts, numerous female acquaintances, cousins, colleagues, fellow-volunteers, would engage in the kind of behaviour you describe, because they're not idiots.

But your idea of 'typical female relationships' appears to be based on the fact that your female colleagues are awful. It's not at all 'typical' in my experience of more than 50 years of female friends and acquaintances, in several countries and cultures. Women who are superficial and unpleasant undoubtedly exist, but it's a ridiculous generalisation for half of the human race, as is your apparent belief that no such men exist. The single biggest gossip and bitch in my workplace is a man in his early 60s.

You find this same thing happening with any disempowered group. Non-white ethnicities as a prime example.

What is a hyper masculine brain?

That's just one example, it's not a generalisation just my experience so obviously I'm going to assume that's correct. These sort of debates are pointless really as we all have different experienced and beliefs but I do think stereotypes exist for a reason and most of the time they're pretty accurate. It isn't internalised misogyny to think women are a far bircher species than men. And tbh if it is who cares? I'm allowed to think what I think.

It's not based on my colleagues it's based on loads of examples that I cba to list here. I'm not saying there aren't male exceptions who are total bitches but I'm saying on the whole women are way worse, in my lived experience.

There's no such thing as a "typical female relationship".

Yes it's very true. Assumptions are based on the behaviour of a few people and extrapolated so that everyone is the same. Whereas we look at our own group as made up of individuals.

Lived experience coloured by your confirmation bias and internalised misogyny.

There is something called stereotype accuracy - a lot of people find it unsettling. The fact is that at a group level, most stereotypes are accurate.

The fallacy comes when you make the assumption that the generalization applies to individuals. Which is really an error related to misunderstanding statistics.

Arghhh leave me aloneeeeeee. What do you want me to do restart my life and re live it until I believe exactly what you want me to believe?

I'm sorry you work in such a toxic environment, it sounds awful. I don't think I'd stay, so you're very brave.

Out of interest if you were to answer me honestly, are you quite bitchy about other women?

I'm a feminist, to me, all women are my sisters. I'm not going to tell you what I do, but it's female centred. I'm not perfect but I try to treat people with decency and respect and talking about people behind their backs is not being decent.

I try not to tear other women down and from a young age, saw the way women were stereotyped and set against each other. I have been treated very badly (bullying and abuse) by both sexes, though more so by men. I'm aware through experience, that everyone is capable of bad behaviour.

What is rare as rocking horse shit to me, are other feminists. When I was at university for example, it was very uncool and quite negative to be a feminist. The internet was a godsend as I could find like minded people.

How does stereotype accuracy work for those who are traditionally negatively stereotyped, like Jewish people for example? On a group level, are all anti Semitic tropes accurate then dispelled on an individual level?

People traditionally marginalised by society are often lumped together and crudely stereotyped. Our current scapegoats are asylum seekers for example but you could also include Muslims in that bracket.

I think people openly saying that stereotypes are true are very brave. I'm assuming they're racist as well as mysogynist which most people don't readily admit to.

If it’s a boast then I’d be wary but some people struggle to make friends… this is particularly difficult as you get older and even more so difficult if you’re single. Other women often assume you’re after their man which is a barrier to friendship, men don’t have that issue.
I’m in my 40’s and have only one friend. A male. I did have some female friends but my ex isolated me from everyone and when I got rid of the ex and tried reaching out to previous friends they weren’t interested. I also work in a male dominated industry so I come into contact with a lot more men than women.