To think this comment about women with no female friends is problematic?

[Newlifeincoming]

I saw a comment recently that said “women who don’t have any friends that are women are red flags. I don’t care what anyone says.”

I find this a bit troubling and potentially judgemental.

AIBU for thinking that this perspective is unfair and doesn’t account for individual circumstances or preferences? What do you think about this kind of statement?

I agree with the statement, to the extent that any generalisations are agreeable-with, leaving latitude for exceptional circumstances etc. I also agree with the statements 'A man who doesn't have any female friends would give me cause for concern if I were dating him' and 'A woman who says '"I'm not like the other girls!" probably has issues.'

I had no friends between the ages of 20 to 26. There were several reasons but mainly due to the fact that I lived in London, Australia and New Zealand during that period and never stayed anywhere long enough to make any friends. When I moved back to my hometown my school friends had long moved on but I made new friends.

I think it depends how it's phrased. Often you hear it in the context of 'Women just don't like me, I'm a man's girl' which is, IMO, a massive red flag and she's probably a twat.

But if someone seems a bit sad about it, or as you say is perhaps between friendships due to life stage or moving, that's fine and does happen sometimes.

Yes, your first sentence makes total sense. Okay I understand now. If the phrase said that I wouldn’t have thought the comment unreasonable. I do agree with that, and have stayed away from women who have said this themselves (it’s only about 1 or two I’ve met and it was a red flag so I didn’t continue the friendship)

That's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you can come to realise she was in a very small minority. Most women imo are decent.

I agree with it mostly.

Women aren't a homogeneous group, if you've gone through life without being able to get on with any woman at all then yeah that's a red flag.

Honestly if anyone, male or female, declared "I don't have any friends who are men/women" I'd be backing away. Grown ups can be friends with both.

This exactly. If a woman goes on and on about what a man’s woman and “one of the blokes” she is it’s normally because she has something to prove to herself.

If she gets on with it quietly I couldn’t really care less.

The only time I've heard this from women, internalised misogyny is involved. They come out with a load of cartoon like stereotypes about women to which they are of course, the exception.

Agree, you can have a different type of friendship based on gender but to have no male or female friends is a bit odd IMHO.

I can't be arsed with anyone, let alone friends I must be a HUGE RED FLAG!😀
Reading some stuff of MN is proof enough for me that friends aren't always what they pretend to be.

It's interesting though, because if a bloke had no female friends (I mean friends as in someone you go to the pub with, share a hobby with or phone up for a chat etc) nobody would think much of it. Well, that's my experience anyway. It's only when women say they only have male friends that the "red flag" statement applies.

I actualy do agree with the "red flag" thing. I've known several women who are very proud of the fact that they get on better with men and all of them are a pain in the arse. I can't honestly say the same about men with no female friends.

I have mostly male friends because my preferred hobby is mostly done by men. My one “female” friend who shares my hobby identifies as nonbinary and (like me) is not very feminine. I wouldn’t rule out having a female friend but we generally have nothing in common.

This. I don't have any friends, through choice. I cba with the emotional drain that has always been my experience that friends (male and female) are. DH is my best friend, and I'm pretty close to my parents, and adult dds. I don't have the time or energy for anyone else.

I'm judgy af about women who claim to get on so much better with men.

If a guy told me he had no female friends I'd assume he views women as being for sex only, with zero interest in those who are unavailable to him for that purpose.

That may be unfair on some men, but that would be my first impression.

When someone says to me they don't have female friends my assumption is that they have experienced exclusion by women and girls because they are gender none conforming

You may think they are misogynistic, but it is misogynistic stereotypes that often create that person

Honestly, anyone I've met who had no friends, apparently due to circumstances; it always transpired in time there was a reason.

I don’t really have friends (moved etc) I would love some of any sex. I’d be a bit sad that someone thinks I’m a walking red flag.

This. I don't have any friends, through choice. I cba with the emotional drain that has always been my experience that friends (male and female) are. DH is my best friend, and I'm pretty close to my parents, and adult dds. I don't have the time or energy for anyone else.

People who don’t need friends and only need their husband and “my little family” are a far bigger red flag than those who only have male friends imo.

You can’t navigate life and have proper perspective if you only rely on your family.

Er thank you….

I don't think people would see you as a red flag. It's more people that make friends with men but consider other women beneath them.

I think it depends, people who have zero help with childcare whilst working often are just really time poor. It’s extremely hard to build friendships like this, especially if you have to build new ones.

I'm only friends with cats.

Yes and no. Someone with no friends could just be really independent, or very quiet and shy, so a bit invisible to others, and that's not a red flag, imo. And having mostly men as friends could be from working in a mostly male-dominated business, or from hobbies where you meet a lot of men.

If it's accompanied by "I can't stand to be around other women, they're so difficult/dramatic" and general disdain, they're usually the problem themselves...