To think this is asking a lot?!

[Foodfrezy]

Person A works 10 hours a day and drives.

Person B works 2 hours a day but doesn’t not drive.

B would like A to come and collect them after work several times a week, visit a family member and then drop them home.

This will be a 40 mile round trip for A in the evening after work when they’re tired (not to mention the extra time and petrol costs).

A said they can’t do this several times a week after work due to the time/cost etc

B is not happy about this. Due to the countryside location, B’s only other option is a taxi which they cannot afford. B says they cannot work more due to their mental health but because they’re self employed what they can claim via universal credit is very limited.

YABU: A should do the 40 mile round trip for B a few times a week

YANBU: B needs to fit in with when A feels able to do the 40 mile round trip or make their own arrangements to see family member.

Sibling B needs to either move to a location with suitable public transport links for a non driver. Alternatively B could get a taxi or pay someone else who’s not putting in ten hours per day already. Even better to up their hours considerably, two per day is derisory unless it’s part of a short term plan of easing back into sustained employment.

I also have serious doubts about the severity of their mental health condition - the OP said “they SAY they can’t work more” indicating they believe B is exaggerating. I would think if B is competent to do three trips every week to make social visits and pressure someone into facilitating these visits they would be fit enough to boost their earnings - as a self employed person they are not being pressured by an employer and can be far more flexible in managing work on any bad MH days.

Person B sounds like he’s got used to his current level of free time and doesn’t want to go back to the daily grind.

Not sure why you're continuing with the A & B shite, since you're A and your sister is B. So tell your sister absolutely not, it's not your responsibility. Do you work 5 days a week? At most if you're wanting to visit your parents with your sister, I'd (maybe) commit to once a fortnight. How frequently do you currently see your parents together, and why has your sister come up with this new increased visit schedule?

@Foodfrezy

How are you doing? I know that if you've been conditioned by your parents/others to say 'how high' when B says 'jump' it can be a lot to take in when a huge chorus says "You don't have to do that".

Even though you know that you are right & that B is a CF, you may feel that we're telling you to swim against the current of a raging river. Especially if you still have people around you saying you need to 'help' B. It can be scary to change a lifetime's worth of habit. But it's also worthwhile.

Just know that you are right and they are wrong. And if you don't feel strong enough to swim against that tide, there is help out there for you to get strong enough. The golden child/black sheep dynamic isn't just about promoting B's desires, it's also about tearing yours down so you're compliant. So if this 'rings true' to you, consider getting counseling to help you pick things apart and put them back together in a way that proves to you that you are 'worthy' and have the right to determine your own life. And that B needs to take care of his own 'needs'.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you, much appreciated.

A doesn’t need to do anything for B and B doesn’t have the right to say whether A is tired after their shift no matter how many hours A works. I would tell B to get stuffed and change the entitled attitude. I would not do a single thing for someone who treats me like that.

Yeesh, I could not put it better😁

Absolutely no chance. Your brother is deluded.

YANBU. My SD is really bad with money and if she goes to a friends house she conveniently doesn’t have a way to get home as she hasn’t got any money for the taxi back. She guilt trips her grandad into picking her up and taking her home which is on the other side of town to where they live. She tried it with me a couple of times but I flat out said no that I wasn’t her own private taxi. She tried saying that I do it for her dad (he can’t drive for medical reasons) to which my answer was he pays for half the finance, insurance, tax and petrol so if he needed picking up from bloody Scotland I’d drive up for him because he at least contributes. She has never once offered money for petrol before anyone asks.

so no YANBU

They need to sort their own travel out. OP doesn’t ‘need’ to compromise at all.

B is a total CF and needs to be told the word NO.

No that's not fair on A. B needs to learn how to drive and be more independent.

B can indeed get to fuck, why on earth would you contemplate a 40 mile round trip after a 10 hour day? That’s extremely knackering. I managed a quick dog walk and supermarket trip after work today, I’m shattered!

Well of course it is totally unreasonable to expect A to be doing so much toing and froing. B sounds extremely tiresome and selfish - and a lot of people have mental health issues without expecting everyone round them to fulfil all their needs and wishes. Such an excessive request would probably lead to A having mental health issues too - ie exhaustion.

Depends. What relationship are they to each other?

You should be able to read all the OP’s posts by clicking OP Posts: See all.

We’ve established that B is A’s brother and the ‘golden child’.

Exactly this.

No way 40 miles after 10 hours work,.tell that CF to get on his bike.

B is ridiculous

B needs to do one the cheeky fucker.

If you choose not to drive you can’t expect other people to rally around like a free taxi service.

who lives in the countryside in a remote location if they can’t drive?!

stop being a push over and tell your sibling to grow up and stop relying on you.

B would like...

We all have dreams and desires; it doesn't mean it's up to anyone else to fulfil them! Next time he says he'd like that, say, "Ooh great, are we playing that game? Ummm I'd like a trip to New York..."

I just got angry even reading that. Person B needs to pass a driving test and get a car/life/ out of a victim position.

Well that is all rather unfortunate but it's not As problem or responsibility.

Surely no one is so dense that they can't understand that a 10 hour day is very long and anything on top of that done regularly is ridiculous

^ this

And there is no legal responsibility to a sibling above the age 18. Why are there so many MN’s who can’t say N.O.

Well, there you are - you have it entirely summed up. B is a Cheeky Fucker who should not be given the time of day.

Now, go forth and tell them to fuck off.

Is the person being visited not able to travel? They couldn’t meet B half way? Or contribute to B‘s taxi fares? I’m assuming it’s an elderly parent?

B is U because A has limited spare time and deserves to relax after work, do his/her own social stuff, etc, and it’s not okay to timetable your sibling‘s spare time to benefit yourself.

But I have some sympathy for B because I’ve been in the situation where I didn’t feel my siblings were pulling their weight with spending time with our mum.

I also think you might be underplaying B‘s MH issues. Are you suggesting they are made up/exaggerated? I‘ve had MH issues myself, which meant I couldn’t work FT, and I’ve had people suggesting I was living a lovely life of leisure, which was far from true.