To think this is asking a lot?!

[Foodfrezy]

Person A works 10 hours a day and drives.

Person B works 2 hours a day but doesn’t not drive.

B would like A to come and collect them after work several times a week, visit a family member and then drop them home.

This will be a 40 mile round trip for A in the evening after work when they’re tired (not to mention the extra time and petrol costs).

A said they can’t do this several times a week after work due to the time/cost etc

B is not happy about this. Due to the countryside location, B’s only other option is a taxi which they cannot afford. B says they cannot work more due to their mental health but because they’re self employed what they can claim via universal credit is very limited.

YABU: A should do the 40 mile round trip for B a few times a week

YANBU: B needs to fit in with when A feels able to do the 40 mile round trip or make their own arrangements to see family member.

Person B needs to live somewhere in a public transport network.
it’s perfectly reasonable not to drive but not if you live rurally. No winder their mh is shot if they’re stuck at home unable to go anywhere.

I would do this for my sister who has been there for me through some horrible times and supported me in so many ways. She's done more for me than a normal sibling would, she's done more for me than our parents if I'm honest. I would do it for her because if she had MH issues it would be new and the visits may help her get better. I would do anything to help her get better because shes more than earnt it and the relationship should be equal where I've always been the one taking if I'm honest. I have good relationships with other siblings but I'd not do this for them. One sibling who is the golden child and expects the world to revolve around them would get nothing from me and then I'd face the parental disappointment and judgment I get the feeling you are being subjected to to be asking this question here. When you are never as good as your sibling in your parents eyes nothing you can do will change that but it can cost you your own good mental health trying. So unless this sibling has put similar effort into supporting you then it would be a firm no from me they can sort themselves out

B can relocate nearer said family member as obviously lives alone, otherwise would ask their partner to drive B, problem solved.

Ironically my CF sibling's name begins with a B, so I am just substituting her name in the updates and it all just chimes @Foodfrezy !

Tell B that they need to be responsible for their own social engagements and arrangements - whether within the family or elsewhere - which includes sorting out their own logistics to get from... well A to B, but you know what I mean!

My CF gets a lift to life or death situations - the last time I drove her was to a family funeral - but other than that she can find her own way. I've spent enough of my life compensating for her inability to stop relying on the kindness of others.

Oh come on op. Tell your sibling to GTF, they are taking the piss!

B needs to move.

First of all you say 40 mile trip 2 times a week will cost a lot in petrol. I would have been working 10 hours so shattered, would you want me to fall asleep at the wheel?
Then ask.. why is this my responsibility?

I would explain to B that the stress of working a long day and then the dread of having to drive another 40 miles is affecting YOUR mental health and you will need to step back for that reason and you are sure they will understand given their own struggles...

This is a no, I’m too tired after a 10 hour day, please stop asking. If it mattered that much you’d move house (or work more).

and mute them if they don’t let up.

The passenger does not get to dictate when the driver is available.

What exactly are B's mental health issues?

How can they live on 2 hours work?

Why did they choose to live rurally?

What age are they?

I bet the sibling would just say how much worse theirs are.

YABU for all this A/B nonsense when it’s clear who’s who and doesn’t matter

@Foodfrezy

Posters have given a plethora of reasons to give B as to why you can't do what they want. But the problem with entitled people/golden child is that a reason that does not affect them directly simply does not compute. Costs you too much in petrol does not compute because it doesn't cost B anything. You are too tired after a long hard day + commute doesn't compute because B isn't tired after working just 2 hours. Any reason/excuse you give simply will not compute, so don't bother offering any. This is the exact situation in which the MN chestnut of "No is a complete answer" 100% applies.

You say no, they say why, you say because. No Why Because, No Why Because & repeat ad infinitum. I guarantee they'll get tired of it before you do.

A needs to say "sod off, B" and refuse to engage further. 40 mile drive after a 10 hour shift, regularly as a favour? Blow that for a game of soldiers.
No. Absolutely non.

B can totally fuck off.

Completely unreasonable request

If you are siblings why does B need to visit this "family member" several times a week when you - presumably - don't need to?

What is this special relationship between B and the "family member" that you aren't a part of?

Not that it matters, but how far out of your way do you have to go to pick B up and then drop them back at their home?

What B expects is obviously unreasonable. It's up to you what sort of resolution you propose. You could stop it altogether or say you are willing to do it once or twice a month, but no more. And you decide what days those will be.

Gosh I bet you can almost see entitlement oozing out of person B.

On top of asking to much
they're taking the piss.

B needs to take responsibility for themselves. Up their hours, earn more and learn to drive.

@Foodfrezy

I would start again, sack this thread off.

Wording I would suggest is

My brother is a lazy workshy git who cant drive because he cant afford it as he only works 2 hours a day. Could work more but wont. He expects me to pick him up after I finish my FT job (10 hour days) and drive him a 40 mile journey to see family members, several times a week. He is certain he is being totally reasonable in asking this.

AIBU to tell him NO?

I would be interested to know what mental health condition limits you (one) to working 2h a day. In my experience either people are too unwell to work at all, or well enough to work full time but potentially needing chunks of time off intermittently due to poor health.

I agree with a PP there's no point giving reasons why not. Just say sorry you can't. Then suggest other options for them. Cycle to family member, move closer, get a loan from family gor driving lessons etc.

A clearly lacks boundaries and needs to learn to stand up for herself and cut loose from
person B a bit more

A few reasons I can think of that might obligate A, at least in part, to help with a solution:

• If B’s living situation (i.e. in a rural location that makes transport difficult) is down to B to any extent.
• If A is getting accommodation from their parents and their parents request it as part of reciprocation.
• If A is responsible to any extent for B’s inability to function to a normal extent
• If A is responsible to any extent for B’s lack of resources

Even if any of those (or similar) held true, that wouldn’t necessarily make the request as it stands reasonable.

Absent some sort of reason that indebts A, it seems like a totally unreasonable request that treats A as a tool to fulfill B’s desires without any reciprocation or consideration of A’s needs or desires.

So the question is - Is this post just a vent at B’s audacity, or is A actually entertaining the request? And if they are considering t - why? What pressure is being applied?
(And if you are A, OP, could you just say so? It’s awkward as fuck to talk about a situation like this).