Cousin is having a child-free wedding… but he has children and his children won’t be there?!

[Whatdoyoureckonh]

My cousin had a crappy divorce. He has two children, aged 9 and 11, and is getting married again. I got the wedding invite the other day and just went on the website to have a look at the details and read that it’s a child-free wedding. I told my mum and she said that his own kids won’t be there.

Don’t you think that’s a bit crap?! To not invite your own kids to your wedding???

At least he is being consistent.

No. I think he's probably discussed it with them and they have decided they don't want to come as they feel too loyal to their mum. Or perhaps mum's told him they won't be going. Maybe they live far away and he doesn't have much contact? Basically there's nothing saying they haven't been asked if they want to go.

Maybe they don’t want to attended. Or the ex won’t let them. Or he doesn’t have much to do with them so dngaf if they are there. Maybe he sees it as hassle on his wedding day having them there.

Loads of reasons.

if he can’t do something as simple as integrate his children into his wedding day, then there is some fundamental problem with his relationships that will only be made worse with a marriage.

My ExDH did this. Not because the kids didn't want to go or because I had a problem with it but because it was indicative of the consideration that was given to my children after he met his new wife...

There is no good way to spin this. Someone needs to run for the hills.

He doesn’t have a good relationship with his ex, but he does have partial custody of his kids - I’m not sure the arrangement but maybe 20% of the time?

Tbf the whole ex wouldn’t let him don’t hold actually because as a good dad you’d book it on your time anyway so can scrap that from my previous comment 🤣

so yeah either the children don’t want to go. Or he doesn’t want them there.

Maybe the kids don't want to go, my dad remarried when I was 14 and my brother was 8, we both went and honestly it was shit. Neither of us wanted to see our dad marry someone else.

I’d also be shocked if his daughter decided she didn’t want to go - she’s a proper “daddy’s girl” and very girlie and into pretty clothes and would definitely love being a bridesmaid.

Making me dislike my cousin the more I think about it! Maybe I’m being judgey though!

My kids weren't invited to either of their Dads subsequent marriages. In fact he hasn't even told them about the latest one, DS found out on Facebook

It's unusual but I don't think it's that uncommon?

Start as you mean to go on and all that!

Maybe it’s the wicked step mum.

Feels if the children are there, then the shine will be taken away from her perfect wedding and new hubby won’t be able to give her his full attention as the children will be there.

If his normally a good dad that is.

Meh. We went to a wedding that WASN'T childfree but the two kids the Groom has from a previous relationship weren't there. Can't say I was especially surprised, given how much he bothers with them generally 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe they don't like the new "mum"?

My DHs ex did this. The bride & groom didn’t invite their own children. Set the tone for the type of parents they have always been…

Maybe they are planning a very adult wedding and think the children will be bored/disruptive?

My dad didn’t invite us to his wedding when we were children, and it’s still something that really stays with me and that I have discussed in therapy! I don’t think he realises to this day that it was any sort of big deal (his wedding was tiny and last minute).

I’m sure it’s not meant badly by their dad, but if he literally hasn’t invited them, I think it will have an impact on them. Someone should ideally maybe talk to him about that if he’s just not really thought how it might make them feel 🤔.

I’d judge him for that because it is a horrible way to treat your children, and I’d judge the woman who was happy to marry a man in those circumstances.

My step son wasn’t invited to mine and my husband’s wedding. He was three years old. I wanted my husband to be able to enjoy the day rather than be caring for a three year old. It made sense to us. We did have a couple of other children at the wedding though.

So you decided your husband couldn’t enjoy his wedding with his own child there wow.

Couldn’t marry a man who didn’t want his children at his wedding.

I have children a similar age and cannot get my head around not having them there if I were ever to marry anyone else - can’t imagine DH ever having another wedding and not having our kids there. Your kids should be the VIP guests surely?!

Couldn’t a relative help out with your step son?!

I didn't even know my dad had remarried until after the wedding never mind even be invited. I was 10, I'm in my 60's now and he's dead, never forgave him for that and many other shitty things he did over the years.