Page 2 | Cousin is having a child-free wedding… but he has children and his children won’t be there?!

fedupoftheheatnow · 03/09/2024 18:53

Ericsfurryface · 03/09/2024 18:42

My step son wasn’t invited to mine and my husband’s wedding. He was three years old. I wanted my husband to be able to enjoy the day rather than be caring for a three year old. It made sense to us. We did have a couple of other children at the wedding though.

So no one else could have helped so his son could've attended his own father's wedding?

1983Louise · 03/09/2024 18:59

It's none of your business.............

lovelysunshine22 · 03/09/2024 19:01

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angellinaballerina7 · 03/09/2024 19:02

Ericsfurryface · 03/09/2024 18:42

My step son wasn’t invited to mine and my husband’s wedding. He was three years old. I wanted my husband to be able to enjoy the day rather than be caring for a three year old. It made sense to us. We did have a couple of other children at the wedding though.

Sweet jesus.

lovelysunshine22 · 03/09/2024 19:02

My ex didn't even tell our dc he was getting married let alone invite them! Funnily enough they all want nothing to do with him now they are adults.

RickiRaccoon · 03/09/2024 19:14

It's not a great sign. I remember not being invited to weddings as kids and taking it that we weren't important members of the extended family so I can imagine what it could be communicating to the groom's kids.

KendraTheVampyrSlayer · 03/09/2024 19:14

Ericsfurryface · 03/09/2024 18:42

My step son wasn’t invited to mine and my husband’s wedding. He was three years old. I wanted my husband to be able to enjoy the day rather than be caring for a three year old. It made sense to us. We did have a couple of other children at the wedding though.

If it was your 3 year old, what would you have done? Paid someone to have them for 24 hours so you could both "enjoy the day"?

We fought to have DSD at our wedding, (her mother was adamant she wasn't allowed to come). She was 6. It wouldn't have felt right if she wasn't a part of the whole thing. She was one of my bridesmaids.

Rewis · 03/09/2024 19:18

My cousin didn't have her kids at her child free wedding (to the children's dad). The kids were younger though.

I do think it is a bit crap when the kids are old enough to know what's happening. In a few weddings the couples kids have been there for dinner and then went home with the sitter.

AaHu · 03/09/2024 19:18

My ex husband had a massive destination wedding (where the wife is originally from) - everyone including family friends and children flew out and spent a week celebrating and enjoying the sun. My daughters were 7 and 4.5 and he didn't take them as he said he couldn't look after them as he would be busy getting married (even though his whole family were going). i didn't even tell my girls when he went so they wouldn't feel it.
later when they found out through family friends children he blamed me and told the girls I wouldn't let them go 🙃

Ella31 · 03/09/2024 19:23

But you don't know the circumstances- maybe there's a valid reason they aren't going? It's weird for you to say you dislike him more without knowing the reason

StressyDepressy · 03/09/2024 19:23

Ponderingwindow · 03/09/2024 18:07

if he can’t do something as simple as integrate his children into his wedding day, then there is some fundamental problem with his relationships that will only be made worse with a marriage.

bingo.

if your ex wife won’t allow the kids to go then wait to get married till they are older teenagers! If you need to, do an intimate registrar wedding till you can organise something larger and inclusive.

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 03/09/2024 19:23

Up to him

RawBloomers · 03/09/2024 19:24

That does sound pretty awful on the face of it.

May be the kids don’t want to come but, in general, if your minor children don’t want to come to your wedding you should probably be rethinking it.

Jenkibubble · 03/09/2024 19:24

Whatdoyoureckonh · 03/09/2024 18:00

My cousin had a crappy divorce. He has two children, aged 9 and 11, and is getting married again. I got the wedding invite the other day and just went on the website to have a look at the details and read that it’s a child-free wedding. I told my mum and she said that his own kids won’t be there.

Don’t you think that’s a bit crap?! To not invite your own kids to your wedding???

I could kind of get it if it was abroad and just the 2 of them with some strangers as witnesses . A big event with guests though - bizarre .
Not something I’d do . Could be a number of reasons I guess (as stated above )

carrotcard · 03/09/2024 19:26

Whatdoyoureckonh · 03/09/2024 18:44

I have children a similar age and cannot get my head around not having them there if I were ever to marry anyone else - can’t imagine DH ever having another wedding and not having our kids there. Your kids should be the VIP guests surely?!

Having married someone with kids they were happy to be there but they absolutely did not want to be "vip guests" or have a fuss made of them. They were fine to stand with their dad briefly as I made a promise to them but that was it. I think it's actually very important not to push the "this wedding is about all of us" narrative too hard and appreciate actually they might be having weird or mixed emotions about it. It's the end of the fairytale of mum and dad reuniting.

Parkmybentley · 03/09/2024 19:26

My dad did this! I was 11. His new wife didn't want any attention diverted from her on the day.. and PP has it spot on, absolutely illustrated the dynamic and hasn't changed.

Suimai · 03/09/2024 19:28

Completely out of order and what a way to ensure the child feels completely unwelcome and unwanted in the new family unit.

LadyGrinningSoul8517 · 03/09/2024 19:29

Ericsfurryface · 03/09/2024 18:42

My step son wasn’t invited to mine and my husband’s wedding. He was three years old. I wanted my husband to be able to enjoy the day rather than be caring for a three year old. It made sense to us. We did have a couple of other children at the wedding though.

Wow.

You two sound like utter delights.
Poor kid.

Blueberry911 · 03/09/2024 19:31

Ericsfurryface · 03/09/2024 18:42

My step son wasn’t invited to mine and my husband’s wedding. He was three years old. I wanted my husband to be able to enjoy the day rather than be caring for a three year old. It made sense to us. We did have a couple of other children at the wedding though.

Christ.

SpanThatWorld · 03/09/2024 19:34

My dad came to pick me up and said, "Guess what I did today." He and his gf had got married with the rest of the family present but not me.

Years later he said that he had been worried that I might get upset and agreed with my mum that it was best I wasn't there. In retrospect, he had realised that this was one of the most stupid things he had ever done.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 03/09/2024 19:37

My partner's ex wouldn't allow my DSD to attend our wedding and we had no way of making her agree. So if my DSD wasn't coming we felt we should have a child free wedding.

Saschka · 03/09/2024 19:37

I do know a couple who didn’t invite their own 5 and 3 year old to their wedding (not stepkids, the biological children of the bride and groom). They thought it would cramp their style running around after children.

They aren’t terribly attentive parents now either.

myrtleWilson · 03/09/2024 20:15

Blimey @Ericsfurryface that's some decision

User79853257976 · 03/09/2024 20:32

Very weird

Kitkat1523 · 03/09/2024 20:35

It’s not uncommon….a work colleague got married and her new husbands children were not invited ( ages 7 and 9) …I thought it was a bit odd ….but others said it was ok,..so I kept my mouth shut