Mil forcing dinner

[Pleeeeaaasehelp]

I’ll make it brief. Mil has never liked me, never really tried to hide it even in front of the kids( constant rudeness and belittling). We don’t see her often as she lives abroad. She’s not your normal Gma, never Birthday or Xmas gifts! But every time we do see her someone ( usually more than one!) ends up in tears when she leaves.
Now the kids are all young adults they don’t want anything to do with her. They pretend phones aren’t working etc…. However that comes back on me.. I’ve turned them against her.
I really haven’t.
For 30 years I’ve put up with her emotional abuse.
Anyway…. She’s coming over, demanding a family meeting about how badly she is treated in this family.
I’ve finally decided I can’t face her anymore and I don’t want to go. I’ve spent 27 years saying to DH it’s only a week, it’s your mum etc…. ( He gave up years ago)
Aibu.
Go She’s old, you’ve put up with it for this long…..

Uanbu. Don't go, let shit hit the fan, but know you’ve been forced a death by a thousand cuts

She's not even your mum, she sounds horrible and you wouldn't have anything to do with a non-relative who was so awful to you, so why bother with her?
Let your DH man up and tell her to sling her hook. Enjoy the freedom, don't feel guilty, she brought it upon herself (old dragon).

Totally brilliant and fair. Communication goes both ways!! 🙌

If kids aren’t there, I think I would arrange to go away for the week while she was over and not bother answering the phone. You already know she is coming for an argument about how she things she has been treated badly so I wouldn’t even allow myself to be in the same room as her, screw that for a game of laughs.

Mobile phones were only just being introduced in the UK 30 years ago, so how the hell would she even know your parents number(s) if she's not been in contact for 30yrs?

Also, I thought you said she lives in another country, so why is she having her medical tests here?

It's time your DH and you took a joint approach at dealing with her, and soon, because she's causing massive problems for your kids. How embarrassing for your son to deal with that at his workplace.

Just marking my place...........

Unless you are looking at a hefty inheritance I would actually tell her that meeting up is not a good idea and would not achieve anything it is too late. No birthday or Christmas presents!have you ever been invited to visit her abroad. Her being old is no excuse for reconciliation or being told of your so called neglect. If she wants to vent tell her to it by email.

Your parents need to tell her they don’t want to get involved…. and make their excuse ‘sorry we are just off out’…
Unplug your house phone…. Your kids need to tell her (even if it’s by text) that she is not welcome at their work, it’s disgusting that she’s turned up there knowing they can’t speak their mind at work in front of colleagues / her boss / customers…. How dare she ‘refuse’ to leave…. I’d have given her a chair and said ‘you better sit down as you’ll be waiting a LONG time!!’’
I would unplug your landline and tell everyone to call your mobile, don’t answer to any unknown numbers/withheld or to her… I would completely ghost her!… if she shows up at your house ignore… when hubby walks in and let’s her in, you walk out! … next time she announces a visit book a week away for yourself!

The phone thing is possible. Some of us have had the same landline number for the same house for 40 years. Maybe they exchanged numbers around the time of wedding planning decades ago.

Medical tests : probably BS, i.e. unnecessary or not really happening. Might be just grossly exaggerated, e.g. X goes to doctor trying to get tested, test is refused as unnecessary but X still claims doctors are looking into it. My own MIL once dramatically announced she was being investigated for cancer, which turned out to be a regular mammogram. I was doubly unimpressed as my own DM had died of breast cancer not that long before.

The demand for a family conference to discuss how badly X has been treated by everybody is a standard thing I used to come across on forums about narcissism, where X is the narcissist. Haven't seen an example in years though.

My MIL did the same thing! My DM was dying of cancer and MIL set up a special family meeting to tell us she might also have cancer...turns out she was just scheduled for her regular mammogram...bit my tongue on that one because I was too emotionally distracted to do much more. DH wisely spoke w/ her privately to stop with the melodrama...it wasn't her funeral.

@Delphinium20
Just wow!!

Despicable. What an absolute witch .

Ok, update. DS sent a stinking txt to her last night saying about how insane she was turning up at his work causing a scene, and thank you very much for putting his job at risk. He signed off saying you’re now blocked everywhere.

We’ve all had an eerie silence since…….

Well done ds

The phone thing is possible. Some of us have had the same landline number for the same house for 40 years. Maybe they exchanged numbers around the time of wedding planning decades ago.

except that the OP said her parents were on holiday, so they wouldn't have been by their landline.

The plot thickens...

I think it was SIL that was no contact for 30yrs.

I suspect she will change tack very shortly, after DS's text. It will have been a misunderstanding you see, DS's manager got the wrong end of the stick, she just wants to go for a nice meal out whilst she is over here. Possible addition of 'whilst she still has chance' as a nod to potential illness. Expect her to completely ignore the fact that her recent behaviour has been batshit !

Well done your son.

But your husband really needs to step and deal with his mother once and for all, until that happens she will just escalate.

@Dymaxion oh you’re so right. I’ll let you know when it happens!!

They’ll be a lot of poor me I’m old I simply didn’t realise, I just wanted to catch up with my gorgeous GS!

@MrsLeonFarrell DH, hasn’t spoken to her yet. But is mad, says he’s done, and that he will not initiate contact. When she does, apparently he is going to tell her that any meetings will need to be out, as she is no longer welcome in the home.
We shall see……

Let's hope it works, you can't live like this it's mad.

You’re absolutely correct. But we only ever see her once a year or two. I think that’s why it’s escalated

Nope not necessarily. My mother pulled the breast cancer card (a cyst). Going blind (mild cataracts and a touch of glaucoma). Suicide took a few pills and told everyone she had done so immediately (hope she enjoyed the stomach pump)

We were all local, saw her regularly.

@justasking111
Im sorry you had this too.

It’s brought back a story….. about 12 years ago one of our kids was diagnosed with a heart murmur. Guess what 3 weeks later she arrived on our doorstep claiming she’d had had a heart attack, and how lucky we were that she survived! She made the journey specially to see us as this would be her last! We had two weeks of me me me, whilst worrying about our child……..

Obviously she is fine, I’ve never seen any heart medications, and her heart issue hasn’t been mentioned since….

I believed her at the time

What is it with these people

Narcissism is what it is…