Mil forcing dinner

[Pleeeeaaasehelp]

I’ll make it brief. Mil has never liked me, never really tried to hide it even in front of the kids( constant rudeness and belittling). We don’t see her often as she lives abroad. She’s not your normal Gma, never Birthday or Xmas gifts! But every time we do see her someone ( usually more than one!) ends up in tears when she leaves.
Now the kids are all young adults they don’t want anything to do with her. They pretend phones aren’t working etc…. However that comes back on me.. I’ve turned them against her.
I really haven’t.
For 30 years I’ve put up with her emotional abuse.
Anyway…. She’s coming over, demanding a family meeting about how badly she is treated in this family.
I’ve finally decided I can’t face her anymore and I don’t want to go. I’ve spent 27 years saying to DH it’s only a week, it’s your mum etc…. ( He gave up years ago)
Aibu.
Go She’s old, you’ve put up with it for this long…..

Uanbu. Don't go, let shit hit the fan, but know you’ve been forced a death by a thousand cuts

@angela1952 🤣🤣
She has indeed just pulled the illness card!

With the only people who picked up the phone.
My parents!! and they’re away on holiday. She’s had almost no contact with them for 30 years.

This gets worse.
I know the word narcissist gets thrown around a lot, but your MIL is like a walking textbook example, ticking every box. It’s like narcissist bingo!

DH on a conference so not back til late. Think he’s going to hit the roof with her

But what's the point in "hitting the roof" now, when only yesterday (?) he invited her into your home again - and this after apparently "being done with her"?

TBH I don't think the inconsistency of the messages you're giving her are helping here. Obviously her ridiculous behaviour isn't your fault, but you can certainly control the way you react to it, and if the DCs can manage to ignore her I'm not sure why you're not doing the same

Oh my!! She's pulling out all the stops.

What did your parents say/do?

Stay strong, OP!

Any idea when her flight home is?

OK. If this was a friend would you put up with this kind of behaviour ?
Of course not.
So why do you feel compelled to because it's a family member ?
Mothers are supposed to be kind, loving and supportive.
Get a message to her telling her you won't be attending and tell her exactly why.
Give her that chance to apologise and mend her ways. If you don't hear back then cut her out of your lives and don't look back.
Nobody......NOBODY has the right to make you feel this way.

I understand the fear when you have not ever stood up to a toxic parent. They have so much ‘power’ somehow. It’s horrid. Well done for standing your ground for the first time. Don’t give way now.

She'll continue being Queen Bee so long as you bend your neck and grovel. The shit will hit the fan if you stand up? So what? Actually, so what? Don't go to the Grand Rebuke Event. Protect DH and your DC. Dismiss this cruel, self centred woman from your lives.

Wow. What’s the illness?!?

I agree with all this but whatever happens DH will still think of her as his mother.
My paternal grandmother was the bitch from hell, she hated my mother and tried to get everything from my father that was possible. He didn't like her but was generous, housed her when she blew all her money, gave her an allowance.
When they moved (Manchester - London) she insisted on a short holiday with them and then took to her bed and said she was too ill to go home, ever. The doctor was called and he said there was nothing wrong with her and offered to arrange a private ambulance to take her home. She never came to stay again,

And what is the illness?!

I would advise calling the police my SIL did, they came and advised if she didn't leave she would be arrested. She had utter peace after that.

The illness….. apparently she doesn’t know yet…. But has appointments booked, so will probably need to extend her stay. Obviously this is second hand from my mum.
My parents feel sorry for her……as I’ve moaned about her occasionally but generally kept quiet.

How on earth does she know how to contact your parents?

What’s the (alleged) illness?

I honestly don’t know. My dad is stunned!

Your parents must be most bemused! She is properly unhinged, isn’t she? Turning up at your son’s work is appalling.

So sorry you have to deal with this but delighted she is finally being challenged. It will be life changing for you.

How about your poor son, humiliated at work because his parents can't stand up to her.?

He should be cross with his parents!

I'm so happy for you that your DH is not forcing you to see his mother, so please, don't force yourself!

@Pleeeeaaasehelp well done you, stick to your guns, you don't want her thinking you will be her carer and skivvy when she is old and infirm. Bonkers women like this think family need to talk things out to further their own agenda. My own mother was a nightmare but felt entitled to her children dropping their lives to pander to her every need in her retirement 😂 that didn't happen and it got ugly before I blocked all contact.

Then let the sh*t hit the fan. Stop being a doormat. Even if she’s arrived in the country, leave her a text to tell her you’ve all gone on a last minute holiday. If she still rants…you just say “enough is enough!”. Life is too short to waste time on someone like that, family or not. Prioritise “your” family, not her.

Absolutely perfect response!! I’d have blocked her on everything after the first contact.

Time to get the cops involved

Fucking hell.
This is seriously deranged behaviour.
Tell your parents to block her number.