Smokers - shall I tell them?

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We have a few smokers in my family.

We met up recently for a long weekend, and the smoking felt like it really dominated so much of the event.

If outside - often one of them was smoking, so we were sitting smelling cigarette smoke. Often had to be reminded not to smoke next to children etc.

Meals - going out to smoke between courses, so you’d be sitting with gaps at the table.

If indoors - always going outside to smoke. Mid conversation cut off as they’ve decided they want a cigarette, maybe leaving you sitting indoors alone.

I’ve never been bothered by smoking before really - but it felt like it was a bit of a dominating force in the weekend - even having to smell cigarette smoke all the time just seemed so unnecessary.

I think them being together was encouraging more smoking than usual - not that they’d often smoke together. It would be one after the other so no break from it for everyone else around the table.

AIBU to say something to them, to avoid a repeat situation in the future? I do like these people, but the series of behaviour is just ridiculous.

Absolutely. I have known smokers that have actively chosen cigarettes over the life of their unborn child. (The baby died) then went on to make the same choice again with the same outcome. Then put cigarettes ahead of dying relatives going through chemotherapy. Smoking is a very evil addiction it ruins so many lives and not enough fuss is made of the terrible consequences of the addiction.

I never said it did, just that they'd be away from the OP's table of scintillating conversation for longer. Which seems to annoy her.

I remember when they brought the smoking ban in. Non smokers were over the moon that they could now go to pubs. But they didn't go to pubs. A shit load of them closed.

So pubs built beer gardens for the smokers, did more food in an effort to stay open. People will rejoice, that the pubs they don't go to now, can accommodate their non smoker selves when they don't go to the pub.

More pubs will close.

What you'll find, when this stuff kicks in. Your family probably won't want to go out at all, or they'll travel further down the street and spend more time away from entertaining you.

Yes I worked in an office for almost 30 years and although almost everyone drank tea and/or coffee they certainly were not drinking it all day long.

I like my tea but don't feel the need to have to drink it before a meal, between meals or even in the middle of a meal or walking down the street. I am not addicted to it as I will often stop drinking it for a few weeks at a time.

Red Bull drinkers are pretty sad in my view too. My DH has had a couple of guys working for him that drink it non stop throughout the day. Supposed to give you energy!!! What a joke. They were both almost 40 years younger than him and with about 10% of his energy.

But coffee is allowed inside because it’s not harming anyone else (and doesn’t make people stink to high heaven either).

This conversation is about smoking. Which is banned for good reasons inside. Not coffee 🤣

If someone else can’t control their addiction to the drug - yes the drug nicotine, making them a drug addict who has to keep going outside to smoke, well it’s no one’s making but their own.

I can't stand the smell of coffee.

But I'm not egocentric enough to think that's anyone else's problem but my own.

I've already suggested getting a mini air purifier if it bothers you so much. But if you're genuinely convinced that the world should revolve around your personal preferences, I doubt I'm going to do much to persuade you otherwise. You carry on making hysterical statements and stamping your foot and see if you can get the whole world to do what you want. I won't hold my breath though.

After a quick google I find that these are the top 5 most addictive drugs:

1. Heroin
2. Cocaine
3. Nicotine
4. Barbiturates
5. Alcohol

I haven't found caffeine on any of the lists, so think that CopKiller's analogy is off the mark.

Interestingly, a family member who works in drug addiction in prisons has said that since the smoking indoors ban, the currency of choice in prisons is now class A drugs instead of cigarettes.

Make of that what you will.

It doesn't have to be the most addictive substance. Weed is less addictive than caffeine.

I know which one people will feel justified to come on MN to bitch about though. It being addictive is beside the point.

No one is going to stop smoking because they were harangued and called names. It serves no purpose. I don't like cigarette smoke myself but personal attacks won't persuade anyone.

People that drink coffee don't stink of coffee. Smokers stink of smoke, their clothes, their hair, it's disgusting.

My DH drinks coffee and the only time I can smell it is as it is coming out of the machine. Can't smell it once it is in the mug and he certainly does not smell of it.

They smell of coffee to me. I've had lots of conversations with people with coffee breath and it turns my stomach. I don't like walking past coffee shops because it reeks.

It's still not useful for me to call them disparaging names. I've got no right to tell everyone else to change their behaviour because I don't like it either. The world doesn't revolve around me and my personal preferences.

Hahaha I don’t smoke but I was literally thinking I would need to get up to avoid the overbearing OP.

It wouldn’t bother me at all that there were ‘gaps’ in the table? Who cares? You can’t control everything that people do and why would you want to? They enjoy smoke and are not going to stop - get over it?

Do the non smokers often go out & join them to continue conversations? I don't smoke anymore but I've kept the 'smoke beak' habit. I NEED to pop outside multiple times per hour..... only in the company of certain people though. Funny coincidence that.

No. I really hate the smell.
However, I don't harangue smokers. I just avoid being near them when they light up.

The only time I object (quietly to myself) to smokers is when they hang around entrances to public buildings - hospitals, shopping malls etc, as I have to walk through the smoke to get in.

Why would anyone? Then the non smoker would stink too. Must be lovely when the smokers come back to the table and reek. It would put me off my food.

Even the non smokers in my pub quiz group (we have two smokers, one vaper and two none) said that it was likely pubs would close if this went through. So they weren't keen.

Perhaps consider shorter visits/meet-ups, and if asked why, say it is because of the time lost to smoking.

It’s none of your business 😂😂 apart from smoking around children part the rest is completely unreasonable

You could also say that you're leaving them alone by not going outside with them . And so what if there are gaps at a table. As an occasional smoker I find it very useful to get away from boring conversations by nipping out for a fag.

YANBU in my opinion, I don't like sitting in stale&used smoke either, but there's not a lot you can do. Yes for the children, absolutely no smoking around them and you múst insist on that. But for the adults? I think I would start avoiding their company, and I would tell them that but just once. In these days it's plain weird people still smoking ánd so much, I guess you'll not be the only one avoiding their company.

As long as they aren't smoking inside your home, don't worry

I’d just decline future invites and say it’s because of the smoking

Is there a chance that the smokers go out every few minutes to escape the frowning attitude of those holier than thou indoors?

I've often found that the best fun and chat is outside with the smokers. I don't mind cigarette smoke around me now and then, it's worth it for the fun of the company outside!

My mum has smoked since she was 11 and at almost 71, she's absolutely not going to stop.

If we stop smoking in the gardens then she will never visit the pub my brother runs and lives above with her grandchildren , because she won't be able to walk far.
It's not ideal and she doesn't need anyone's sympathy or judgement, but this is what will happen 💯.
So it will definitely drive some customers away and my brothers pub will likely have to close.

I can see both sides of the argument.

Having been, on and off, a smoker for many years I understand how addictive cigarettes are.

I do think there is a lot of hysteria about smoking but I do recognise that it can be disruptive of social occasions and not particularly pleasant if you are surrounded by smokers.

I think you have to decide whether you will just put up with the smoke and disruption for one evening or whether you need to just duck out of these occasions. Any negative comments from you will cause an awkward atmosphere and will probably spoil such get togethers anyway.

Me too. I’d find that really controlling and odd.