Smokers - shall I tell them?

[Evo20]

We have a few smokers in my family.

We met up recently for a long weekend, and the smoking felt like it really dominated so much of the event.

If outside - often one of them was smoking, so we were sitting smelling cigarette smoke. Often had to be reminded not to smoke next to children etc.

Meals - going out to smoke between courses, so you’d be sitting with gaps at the table.

If indoors - always going outside to smoke. Mid conversation cut off as they’ve decided they want a cigarette, maybe leaving you sitting indoors alone.

I’ve never been bothered by smoking before really - but it felt like it was a bit of a dominating force in the weekend - even having to smell cigarette smoke all the time just seemed so unnecessary.

I think them being together was encouraging more smoking than usual - not that they’d often smoke together. It would be one after the other so no break from it for everyone else around the table.

AIBU to say something to them, to avoid a repeat situation in the future? I do like these people, but the series of behaviour is just ridiculous.

You can do but smokers are inherently selfish. I can't even get my DM to shut my balcony door when she comes to my flat and smokes outside. And I have a lung condition! I don't go round to hers often as all my clothes stink.

It's a grim and weak habit and I struggle to understand why people choose to. However, I understand it's their choice.

Addictions can (not everyone...before fag ash lil starts having a rant at me) make you oblivious to the needs of others or social politeness.

Next time you should randomly jump up and go outside as often as they do. They'll soon realise how odd and rude it/they are.

Well you can arrange a meet up for somewhere they can't smoke but be prepared for a lot of no shows. I'm sure they'd like to see you Op but they're not going out to annoy you, it's an addiction

No don't

And yes it bugs me too

@loudbatperson They are in the grasp of a bloody strong addiction, so you won't be able to have a proper rational conversation

🤣 This is the most batshit nonsense I've ever read on Mumsnet! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

• It's not "people" it's you
• They will "bear it in mind" by not inviting you next time they go out

People found the amount you were smoking this weekend disruptive and unpleasant, particularly during the meal times. Could you keep that in mind for next time?

If you said that to me, it would really, really piss me off, and make me reconsider the friendship (and just for clarity, I'm a non-smoker).

I don’t smoke, but the attitude to smokers on this thread is absolutely batshit crazy. Drug addicts, selfish, inconsiderate, incapable of reason… it’s so dramatic!

Are you all totally perfect puritans who never do anything in the least bit unhealthy, or that others might not like? If not then perhaps tone it down!

I loathe the smeall of cigarette smoke. I really, really hate it.

I would never be rude to a smoker. I just wouldn't spend time with an inconsiderate smoker. Luckily, in my circle I have just one family member who smokes, but she is a very considerate smoker. None of my friends do nor any of my workmates.

think if they thought I’d stop attending family get togethers because of their smoking, they would probably change their behaviour. I’m not entirely sure they’re aware how annoying / unpleasant it is for everyone else!

They won't OP. They're addicted and they will go outside for a smoke no matter what you say. You could always go out with them. Get the best chatter in the smoking corner.

Other than that, there's not a lot you can do.

It’s not ridiculous it’s factual. They are addicted to nicotine which is a drug which they clearly put before everything else 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm an ex smoker so can understand your point but saying something may irritate people or worse, make them feel uncomfortable going for a cig when out with you so they would be sat there wondering whether it's ok or not, whether it's an appropriate time to go and whether you are OK while they go. Just uncomfortable all round.

Another possibility is that some people might stop inviting you to save you and them the discomfort.

I think you just need to suck it up and not police how people spend their time.

So everyone who gets a Starbucks is a drug addict as well?

They clearly put their hounding desire for caffeine above anything else.

And what about those drug crazed loons who have a glass of wine with dinner? Maniacs to a man.

I've also heard there are pharmacies where you can buy ibuprofen. Why won't people just put up with a headache, instead of piling drugs down their greedy beaks??

😑

Not sure you’re understanding the difference between an addict and someone who well, isn’t one.

If you're trying to tell me that caffeine isn't addictive, I've got news for you.

Ban caffeine tomorrow and we'd have an extremely moody Britain on our hands.

Or does that not count because you're addicted to caffeine so it's different?

roseymoira · Today 14:38
Tell them what? They are free to smoke as they please presuming they are adults. You are free to not accept invitations if it is that much of a problem”

No they’re not if these occasions are at other people’s houses. We won’t tolerate it in our house or gardens.

You're very angry @CopKiller
Are you craving a nicotine fix?

No, I just don't appreciate hypocrisy or needless hyperbolic statements. I bet nearly every single person on this thread is addicted to something. Whether that be caffeine, sugar, or even their prescribed medication. I doubt many people could quit Citalopram cold turkey without going into withdrawal, for example. If we're going to call smokers drug addicts now, let's be thorough.

I'm fine for nicotine, but it's sweet of you to check.

What? I don’t even drink tea or coffee so no I’m not. Wow how scary some moody people.

There is no escaping the fact that smokers are drug addicts and have a lot of similar behaviours to people who are addicted to illegal drugs. It doesn’t change things just because you don’t like hearing that.

They'd be moody because they'd be in withdrawal from the drug they're addicted to.

"Caffeine withdrawal has also been documented in laboratory animals and humans.3 In humans, the withdrawal syndrome is comprised of headache, fatigue, dysphoric mood, difficulty concentrating, and flu-like somatic symptoms.9–11 In experimental studies the incidence of headache was 50% and clinically significant distress or impairment of daily functioning was 13%.11 Severity of symptoms has been found to increase as the daily dose of caffeine increases. Abstinence from doses as low as 100 mg/d has been found to produce symptoms."

But I bet you don't have a problem with that. Nor are you calling Mrs Jones down the road having a cup of tea in the morning a drug addict. Because it's ridiculous.

Ridiculous post. I don't see coffee drinkers having to have a coffee every hour or even more frequently. I don't see them keep nipping out from a restaurant to have a coffee, even sometimes in the middle of eating their meal.

Same with wine drinkers. You even say "having a glass of wine with dinner". Yes, A glass of wine not many glasses throughout the meal. I see smokers going outside many times not just once.

They can 'fuck of further' as you put it and keep their stink and smoke away from everyone else.

Their right to smoke does not give them the right to inflict their filthy habit on everyone else.

You would if they were only allowed coffee outside. And have you never worked in an office? People are drinking tea and coffee all day long.

Plus do you think people drink cans of Red Bull because they like the taste??

You don't mind it because it doesn't affect you personally, not because it's addictive.

I don't like cigarette smoke any more than anyone else, but ludicrous name calling persuades no one of your case.

They are not children are they? No? Then why parent them?