Smokers - shall I tell them?

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We have a few smokers in my family.

We met up recently for a long weekend, and the smoking felt like it really dominated so much of the event.

If outside - often one of them was smoking, so we were sitting smelling cigarette smoke. Often had to be reminded not to smoke next to children etc.

Meals - going out to smoke between courses, so you’d be sitting with gaps at the table.

If indoors - always going outside to smoke. Mid conversation cut off as they’ve decided they want a cigarette, maybe leaving you sitting indoors alone.

I’ve never been bothered by smoking before really - but it felt like it was a bit of a dominating force in the weekend - even having to smell cigarette smoke all the time just seemed so unnecessary.

I think them being together was encouraging more smoking than usual - not that they’d often smoke together. It would be one after the other so no break from it for everyone else around the table.

AIBU to say something to them, to avoid a repeat situation in the future? I do like these people, but the series of behaviour is just ridiculous.

When I've been at an event with a lot of smokers, I'll bring a mini fan and a mini air purifier to put next to me. They're not that expensive and they help a little.

The alternative that I tell everyone to go into nicotine withdrawal so I don't have to smell any smoke has never occurred to me. It's my problem, not theirs.

OP, you’re not being controlling in the slightest. I’d be pretty annoyed and want to say something but I wouldn’t because nothing would change.
smokers DO smell, even after a mint, spray of whatever, they smell of nicotine. And vaping is the same…..I don’t want a waft of cherry pie or whatever if I’m with folks.
luckily, we don’t have smokers in our social group or family and so don’t have to contended with the smoking smell and disruption it brings to events.
i feel for you but don’t think anything will change, it’s about managing you in these situations and how you cope with the frustrations of them making it into a disjointed and smelly event.

I think the only thing you’ll achieve is not getting invited to future get togethers

I'd tell them that they pong and can take their evil disgusting smoking habit elsewhere. Why should everyone have to put up with their stink and secondhand smoke.

The sooner it's banned in pub gardens the better.

I would struggle to be around so many smokers like that. Luckily, nobody I know smokes. If you’re close to them, why not mention it. It does change the dynamic if so many of the table are leaving constantly. Of course it does.

But why is your enjoyment of an event more important than theirs? They enjoy having a cigarette.

And why does the smokers enjoyment of an event trump the non smokers?

Fortunately, I don't have any friends who smoke, and only one family member who does. She is very considerate and takes herself off completely away from us, even if we are outside.

However, if I was invited to an outdoor event that had mainly smokers there I probably wouldn't go. Apart from disliking the smell, being around smokers gives me a headache.

Banning smoking in pub gardens won't stop smokers smelling of smoke. They'll just walk down the road, come back and still be smelling. And that's one of the issues the OP has. That they keep fucking off. So you're saying you'd tell them to fuck off and smoke elsewhere, they already are, and that's also annoying the OP.

And they'd have to fuck off further, so take longer!

Also, I prefer gangs of drunk smokers to be in one place, not roaming the streets. I don't want to encounter any more pissed up men than necessary when I'm walking somewhere.

It does seem unreasonable to want to change peoples’ totally normal, legal behaviour - just because you find it mildly annoying. Generally you can’t control what other adults do. You can only control your choices and responses.

Imagine if you had a non-drinker in your group, and they were annoyed at people getting a bit merry and talking loudly/laughing more/getting up to go to the bar or to the loo/smelling of booze. Imagine if that one person asked that you all drink less or not at all. Would you think that was reasonable?

They are addicted, what do you expect them to do?

Tell them what? "You being a smoker is inconvenient to me,"? If you don't want to be around smokers, just don't be.

You can have a drink, or even be drunk, without making a nuisance of yourself.

You can't smoke without stinking of it and polluting the air around you. It's part and parcel of it.

But you won't achieve anything whatever you do because smokers are selfish and inconsiderate. If they weren't, we wouldn't have had to have a ban in the first place.

“People found the amount you were smoking this weekend disruptive and unpleasant, particularly during the meal times. Could you keep that in mind for next time?”

Rein it in a bit during a family event?

Sit through a meal without multiple trips outside?

OP it will be a disaster. Trust me. You do not want to be sat at a table with smokers who are not going out for one under sufferance because you've asked them. Once the idea they want a cigarette is in their mind they won't settle till they've had one. They won't relax or enjoy themselves and as soon as you pop to the toilet they'll be rushing out. You need to either put up with this or not go.

Thankfully none of my friends and family are sad enough to smoke. Makes me laugh when you are in a restaurant and see people on other tables in and out smoking. Before the starter, after the starter, after the main etc. Even seen people go out in the middle of eating their meal! So pathetic

This.

I really would not. What you describe isn’t a big deal. Obviously breathing in second hand smoke not good, but a gap in the table for 5 mins between courses? That really spoils your enjoyment of their company? Sorry but they are adults, leave them to it.

How many people out of how many people are doing this?

If it’s only one or two people out of a larger group, it really shouldn’t be so disruptive that you need to cause bad feelings. If it’s a larger proportion of the group then as a significant part of what makes the group, they deserve to be accommodated.

I would arrange to meet at places where they can’t just keep popping out then. Some places are entirely non smoking.
Or don’t meet up with them. They’re drug addicts and it sounds like it’s making them quite anti social if they keep leaving the table etc

Drug addicts 😂😂

MN really is ridiculous at times.

Where is there places that you can't get out of to smoke? I mean you say that smokers are drug addicts, so surely you understand drug addicts will go as far as it takes? If they need to walk an extra 5 mins, go in a lift, take some stairs etc they will do it. All that will happen is the popping out will take 5 times as long.
I used to smoke years ago and I used to go to large events for my hobby. Popping out to smoke meant fighting my way through crowds, walking far enough away that I could smoke, sometimes standing in the rain, then queuing up again to get back through security and bag checks etc to get back in. It didn't put my off. It just meant it took longer. But I still did it.

I once went to my ex partners birthday meal out, and turned out, out of the 6 of us, I was the only none smoker. At one point, no lie, they all went for a cigarette (joined each other) and I was left at the table alone.