To think this is an appalling diet for my ex to feed my kids??

[lolamillyrosie]

My ex and I separated last year - we have 3 children together which are DD13, DS11 and DD5. The kids are with me for a week and a half and then they get their dad for 3 days every fortnight.

My issue is that he does not cook for them ever. They are constantly just allowed to order fast food in - pizza, Wingstop whatever they fancy. The kids at first thought this was cool but now they are bored of it. Takeaways are meant to be a treat or a last minute option and obviously they are used to having home cooked, healthy meals. He's never ever bothered with cooking and if I'm being honest, isn't in the best shape. All my 3 children are slim and healthy and I'd like to keep them that way but he just seems so lazy.

I tried asking him if he could try and cook proper meals and that it didn't have to be fancy - frozen veg, pasta, quesadillas. Anything simple. But he refused and said I had to live a little and let the kids do what they wanted. But they do not even want this anymore. DD13 is all about being healthy now and loves the idea of having a nice Caesar salad and going to the gym and she was happy to eat junk food every once in a while but has mentioned it's making her feel sick. DS11 isn't really too bothered but he will eat anything. And DD5 doesn't even finish her food most of the time as it is so oily and upsets her stomach.

I mentioned this to my friend and she laughed and said 3 days of some fun eating wouldn't hurt anyone. Which I understand but I think they should be getting some form of veg in. According to her it's a normal amount of fast food as they only have it for dinner. But 3 nights of junk food for dinner is still awful to me! My ex says I am too health conscious and will give all 3 children eating disorders by restricting their food and is now accusing me of already doing that to DD13. But she is absolutely fine and a healthy weight and she eats a very normal amount of food. I never restrict their food, I just portion size adequately, and if they are still hungry fruit and veg is always available but they rarely are to be honest. But because of the way my friend reacted I am now thinking that perhaps I should just let it slide?? I mean they are getting good meals at home at least.

Their average day of eating at their dad's is this btw:
Breakfast - some form of sugary cereal and toast that they fix themselves
Lunch - sandwiches and crisps and a chocolate bar
Dinner - fast food - pizza hut, wingstop, mcdonalds etc.

Snacks include extra crisps, fruit, bars, buttered rolls.
I'm aware I am probably being too dramatic and that maybe this isn't actually a horrendus diet but I'd appreciate some feedback!

My teen son sees his dad every other weekend, sometimes longer in the hols and he's happy to eat most stuff but even he said the amount if asked oits was obscene. After weekends of eating junk with him he comes home, gets an ulcer, bad skin, and generally doesn't look great if I'm honest. Not saying I I Mrs salad and we have treats but 3 maccy d in one weekend and other crap isn't on.

Yes they are both of ours lol, I mentioned that, but I don't think it is unusual to say "my" children because they are??

And if he had a genuine valid concern about what they were eating or doing in my house, I wouldn't be upset, I would try and listen and sort it out. He just starts arguments and insists he isn't doing a thing wrong.

children are a responsibility not a possession. Parents have a responsibility to do what’s right, including not trying to ruin their kid’s health by feeding them shit constantly. They may be “his” kids, doesn’t mean it’s ok for him to do what he’s doing.

OP it’s really hard but the kids are going to have to kick up a fuss with their dad about this. Would they feel able to do that?

I’m a control freak so this isn’t for everyone but I’d suggest the one night is a takeaway night (eg pizza night) but ensure there’s a big Mumsnet salad or two (even big tub ones from a supermarket if he’s too lazy to chop some salad bits) to serve alongside it. Once a fortnight for a takeaway/pizza night is fine if their diet is otherwise pretty good I think. If he’s a crap cook, I’d also suggest to my ex that a pasta dish in (ideally fresh) pesto with rocket/spinach, Parmesan and some cherry tomatoes is very easy if he’s struggling for time. The ravioli style ones often contain a little veg like butternut squash. Maybe a pasta night could become a tradition while with dad? I wonder if the children could suggest it? I don’t think you’re gonna get him making salads from scratch for a while by the sounds of it so I’d pick my battles at first and start small I think.

I don't think there's anything you can do about it unfortunately.. I guess just try not to think about it

@lolamillyrosie You picked him to be the father of your 3 children. Sorry but you can't dictate what happens at his house. Find something fun to do when they're with their dad.

Almond mom

'Yes she can cook healthy meals but she doesn't want to cause the arguments which will inevitably come'

Learning to not people please, which she is currently doing for her father, and to stand up for herself, especially given she's undeniably right, is a great skill to learn.

Another pathetic, lazy man child who puts his own ease about the health and well being of his DC 🙄

He only has to cook them a handful of meals a month and he can't even be arsed to do that.

I've no solutions I'm afraid, but sympathies OP, and it's bloody obvious why you dumped him.

That's it in a nutshell... lazy git
A bit of shopping
Chopping n prepping isn't difficult and it's something they could all participate in.
Pizza etc also has it's place.

I would take the easiest option and find some options on Deliveroo that the older two would enjoy and the little one will eat without upsetting her stomach. Then pester power!!!

can he bring them back before dinner on the third night?

This.

You can kick up a fuss but he will probably secretly like that.

The children need to stand up for themselves eventually. Either by refusing to go or by cooking their own food. Sadly that's the way things go with selfish parents

So why does it fall back to mum to organise food when the dad should be doing it
Christ it pisses me off men get off with..I can't cook.. fucking learn.

This.

I would send them with an easy to eat fruit salad, or easy to eat fruit bowl.

You could also send them with some other healthy snacks that you know they'll like.

Perhaps some 50-50 sliced bread, and flora too.

Then try not to worry OP

Who said that they are possessions. Nothing you say changes the fact the he gets to parent how he like when he is in sole charge of the children and the OP gets to parent how she likes when she is in charge of the children.

A heck of a lot of people have take away at least once a week. The father feeds them 3 every 14 days. It's not father of the year stuff but it's by no means neglect. If it was a father on here complaining that his ex gives their kids a take away every second Friday and a McDonald's after swimming on Tuesday and he thinks she should feed them differently the replies would be very different.

@Thevelvelletes because the dad doesn't give a shit about the kids, or his health. If mum / or eldest child who happens to be female doesn't step up it doesn't sound like dad has any interest in providing an alternative option to crap

Are there any other takeaways nearby that they could request that might be healthier? E.g a noodle soup from wagamama or grilled meat/salad/pita bread from a Turkish/middle Eastern restaurant

Pizza is literally bread, cheese and vegetables/small amounts of meat. Labelling this as junk food simply because it can be ordered in is overkill, I think. Yes, he's being lazy in never cooking for them, but the health effects of a couple of days of less-than-optimum diet over a two week period are really being overstated. The sugary treats would bother me a lot more than the occasional McDonalds (which, again, is reasonably good quality food, if high calorie).

Yes, well, presumably if your ex was more useful and caring, there is more of a chance you would still be together. They don’t suddenly change into reasonable and responsible people when you separate. Presumably you did all the cooking when you were together and he was lazy then too, so it’s probably not a surprise that he is lazy and unhealthy now too.
I realise this is doesn’t solve the problem but I would probably just keep on asking him to do better!

That is true. But he always seemed like a pretty good dad I guess. He does spend time with the kids and has relationships with each of them and they do love him. He is involved regarding school etc. despite him never actually having to drop them off there or whatever. He is defo not the best dad and I still feel like I'm doing majority of the parenting but I am supposing that's because they are with me more. It's just the food thing that he decides to become completely careless for.

On no planet is McDonalds reasonably good quality food. It is out and out processed junk.

Realistically, 3 days out of 14 isn’t too bad, he should do better, but he’s obviously not inclined too.

I would ask him if ready meals would be a better option, they would definitely be cheaper. Some of them are actually pretty decent, especially the organic children's meals.

Something along the lines of “I know you’re just trying to treat them, but they have mentioned they would like…. I know it’s tricky finding the time, so what about these meals, the kids would love them”.

No point trying to make him feel bad, he obviously doesn’t have the same concerns you do!

Up to him o. His watch but can the kids not cook or prepare something? Dts are 12 and love cooking. I just have to clear up after

Op says he dos provide fruit

And bread and butter ( I'd have butter over flora margarine anyway!)