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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Row over which Supermarket?

134 replies

JessiePink · 02/09/2024 14:51

AIBU? I do the food shopping in our household.
We both work, and we both car share (it's really annoying and we have had rows over this but we cannot afford two cars).
I tend to do the food shopping Wednesday after work. I work in the next town to where we live.

Around the corner from where I work I jump on the motorway and come off at the next junction at the retail park, it takes me about 7-8 mins from work.
The reason I go to this Aldi as on the retail park there is also a Food Warehouse and a B&M and a Home Bargains in case I need any cleaning bits also.

My husband is constantly on my case about going to this particular retail park. He cannot understand why I want to go (in his words) all the way over there.

I explain when I'm at work it's literally round the corner and takes me 10 mins. I also explain that as there are multiple shops it saves me from driving here there and everywhere for my bits.

He doesn't understand why I cannot go to the Aldi which is still in the town where I work, but closer to our home (it's a really small Aldi!) and I am WASTING PETROL according to him!

I've gotten to the point now were I tell him to do one and I will food shop were I want seen as I'm the one who does the shopping and I'm the one who does the cooking!
It feels controlling to me!

We have a joint bank account together as he earns more than me and I also have a child from a previous relationship so when we had separate money, I was always skint as I was paying half of everything and for my child too.

OP posts:
Laiste · 02/09/2024 14:54

He sounds like a twat OP.

Causing arguments over 10/15 mins of petrol ?

MonsteraMama · 02/09/2024 14:54

What a drama llama he is. It's not as if you're shopping at Fortnum and Mason when you've got an Aldi budget, he's getting his knickers in a twist about which Aldi.

"Husband, either you take over the food shopping completely as you clearly think you can do it better than me, or get off my tits about it."

AdoraBell · 02/09/2024 14:55

YANBU. Either you shop were you want to
or he can do the shopping and cooking.

Sheelanogig · 02/09/2024 14:57

You probably save petrol money by going to one retail space with all the shops you need to get food, household stuff in 1 go.

It's also convenient for you . And you are the one pushing trollies, carrying bags, mentally meal planning etc...

Shop at Waitrose for a few weeks and watch him explode.

yeesh · 02/09/2024 14:59

He’s a controlling prick

Gugl · 02/09/2024 15:02

He’s being a weirdo and controlling, ten minutes from your work is no time at all. If it bothers him so much he should do all the shopping. Getting arsey over ten minutes when you’re the one doing the chores is so deeply unattractive.

Original poster
JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:03

Sheelanogig · 02/09/2024 14:57

You probably save petrol money by going to one retail space with all the shops you need to get food, household stuff in 1 go.

It's also convenient for you . And you are the one pushing trollies, carrying bags, mentally meal planning etc...

Shop at Waitrose for a few weeks and watch him explode.

This is my point. I cannot get everything I need at Aldi all the time so I will nip to the food warehouse and home bargains etc.
It's all at one retail park right next door to each other so I park and walk into each one.

We have constant rows about this and it drives me insane. He doesn't like the fact that I drive there after work because of the petrol I'm using! It takes me 7 mins from the hospital were I work it's literally round the corner!

OP posts:
Gugl · 02/09/2024 15:09

We have constant rows about this and it drives me insane. He doesn't like the fact that I drive there after work because of the petrol I'm using! It takes me 7 mins from the hospital were I work it's literally round the corner!
it’s probably a quid if even that in petrol, take something of his off the shopping list, job done, money saved. Realistically is he controlling in other areas of your life? This is such a weird thing to get het up about as it’s no money at all really.

buttonsB4 · 02/09/2024 15:16

Surely the answer is to let him make the decision about where you shop, and obviously let him do all the shopping and cooking that comes with those decisions.

You put your feet up while he does so.

Original poster
JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:20

Gugl · 02/09/2024 15:09

We have constant rows about this and it drives me insane. He doesn't like the fact that I drive there after work because of the petrol I'm using! It takes me 7 mins from the hospital were I work it's literally round the corner!
it’s probably a quid if even that in petrol, take something of his off the shopping list, job done, money saved. Realistically is he controlling in other areas of your life? This is such a weird thing to get het up about as it’s no money at all really.

Well with regards to the joint account he can moan at me. We both work, I do the finances I.e make sure all the direct debits for bills are paid etc and then separate what spending money we have left after food and petrol is covered.
He can pick at me for things, for example if I go to home bargains for example and spend £30 on fabric conditioner, washing powder, cleaning stuff etc he can get in a huff with me like ffs why hve you spent all that.
I said unless you just want me to wash our clothes with water and clean with water I don't know what you expect.
But he's just changed our car cos he wanted to, bought some new shorts for our holiday, bought some new vests for our holiday but I haven't.
When I said something he jokingly said "I earn more than you"
Really gets on my nerves!

OP posts:
EngineEngineNumber9 · 02/09/2024 15:20

He sounds controlling. It would be one thing if you were insisting on a 50 mile round trip to Waitrose to get foie gras but it sounds like you more than make up the “extra” fuel costs in not having to go to several locations instead of one retail park. You’re an independent adult and he’s treating you like a teenager or employee.

Sundayleap · 02/09/2024 15:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Sakura7 · 02/09/2024 15:22

He sounds absolutely batshit, and I'd be telling him that.

So many threads on here at the moment about controlling men, it's depressing.

Hadalifeonce · 02/09/2024 15:23

Ok DH, you do the shopping and cooking if you're not happy with the way I do it.

AppropriateAdult · 02/09/2024 15:30

"I earn more than you" is a bit of a red flag if you're married and share finances. Do you have children together, OP?

Hazydetailonlife · 02/09/2024 15:31

I hope you’re not going to breed with this idiot.

Alifemadelessordinary · 02/09/2024 15:31

Start online shopping and get all your cleaning supplies etc there. He'll soon change his tune when he sees how expensive it is.

He sounds like a knobhead. I can't deal with penny pinching on joint expenses.

godmum56 · 02/09/2024 15:34

so what does he bring to the party? And is it worth it?

Original poster
JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:34

AppropriateAdult · 02/09/2024 15:30

"I earn more than you" is a bit of a red flag if you're married and share finances. Do you have children together, OP?

No. Not together. I have a teenager from a previous relationship who lives with us.

OP posts:
Original poster
JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:34

Hazydetailonlife · 02/09/2024 15:31

I hope you’re not going to breed with this idiot.

No I'm nearly 40. I've got one child. I never wanted anymore

OP posts:
Hazydetailonlife · 02/09/2024 15:37

JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:34

No I'm nearly 40. I've got one child. I never wanted anymore

Show quote history

Thank goodness. Sorry my comment was too brutal to be of much help, but you’re free to leave. He’s controlling, rude, selfish. All of this I’ve gleaned from the nasty comments he makes. Please don’t waste time on an idiot.

Hazydetailonlife · 02/09/2024 15:38

Why share finances? Well unless you benefit of course, but sounds like you don’t!

BIossomtoes · 02/09/2024 15:39

I’d just buy everything in Aldi, their cleaning products are really good.

Missing the point entirely, I’d be annoyed if my bloke bought fabric conditioner, I hate it.

Poppins21 · 02/09/2024 15:40

It is really knobby and weirdly controlling.

Shoxfordian · 02/09/2024 15:41

He wasn't joking about earning more

Tell him to do the shopping himself and he can go where he wants