Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

[sunshinewithrain]

To you, the mum I see on insta and fb.......
You have been having nights out from your baby being very young, you have lovely hair and make up, you go to work, you have holidays abroad, your kids have their hair done in plaits or other fancy up dos, u put pictures up expressing your love for your wonderful husband/partner....... u probably got pass tickets and could afford to......
Who the f*** are you?
I'm struggling to make ends meet, my partner is as much use as a chocolate fire guard, I only work 34 hrs a week yet can't keep up with house jobs, I've just tried baking for the first time with my 2 year old, I literally turned my head for one second and half the pack of sugar was added and there's flour everywhere 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I lady washed my hair 4 days ago ......
But I know she's 2 (nearly 3) and I'll never get this lovely time with her again ❤️
Oh and I don't grass tickets...... and tbh I can't justify the prices but I'm crying my heart out and looking back in anger all the same 😂

Well, this is also true. But I think the smugness from some posters is really bitchy.

Everyone makes mistakes. I know lots have signs, but why is this foible any different from the myriad other faults that people have? It’s also an easier one to discount in the early stages of a relationship where someone is romantic, fun to be around, great in bed etc. the fact they don’t do the dishes in their flat share might not seem so important.

Who genuinely looks at potential partners at 21 and values someone who helps around the house? I don’t think it’s something you genuinely appreciate until you’re older.

Yes, correct, I would find it stressful if the person who takes equal responsibility for our home and family went away for a week, as would my husband. What makes you think that someone who devotes themselves to being a good father and husband would do an about-face and run off with another woman?

The idea that we should all live like single mothers so it's easier in case our husbands leave is ludicrous- why get married in the first place?!

You are comparing your inside with their outside, @sunshinewithrain

When do you think they take the photo of themselves and the children for social media - during the 30 minutes per day they all look pretty decent?

Or the 23h 30m a day when it’s all mess, porridge in preschooler’s hair, dog hair on the sofa, burnt bacon smoking up the kitchen because you had to grab the baby before she tipped the pet food all over the floor?

Lives look incredible from the outside because people only take photos of the bits they are happy to share.

Money, outside support, a decent partner and a family without complex needs make those moments more frequent. But it’s not all sunshine and roses for anyone.

You're not wrong and I'm not in favour of smugness, but I do think we tiptoe round it. Instead of giving young girls the impression that having a useless partner is a terrible accident that could happen to anyone, maybe it would be better to be more open that, most of the time, ending up with a useless partner is something that happens when you choose "romantic and good in bed" over "does the dishes".

At the risk of joining the "smugs", I always knew I wanted children and did NOT want to be a frazzled single-mum-with-husband, so I was specifically looking for qualities that make a good dad and husband. We're not instagram perfect by any stretch and neither of us is a domestic deity, but we both pull together to get what needs doing done and my daughter is far more likely to call for Daddy when she needs something than Mummy (partly because Daddy is a soft touch.)

This is the most ridiculous take! Of course doing a week on your own is more difficult when you’re used to sharing the load. Why on earth wouldn’t it be? What sort of gotcha is that??
I split drop offs and pick ups with my DH so yeah to do a week on my own with our current set up and try to get to work would be literally impossible as there isn’t enough time in the day to drop the kids off at 8:30 but also be at work 45 mins away by 8 and then be back by 4 to pick them up. On top of that I would be doing twice as much housework, cooking and being with the kids. There’s literally nothing wrong with finding that difficult or not feasible when it’s not your norm.

Why on earth would I live like they don’t have an active engaged father living under the same roof because some women are single mothers? 😂

They could barely cope if their DH left them. Supportive husband is all very well until he buggers off with another woman.

This is just pure hate and bitterness miss directed at women you have an issue with because some things in their life are better and easier.

It’s not even true really. If you have the odd week where one of you is unavailable there is loads you can do in advance to make it easier for the person doing it alone.

When one of us travels with work we will ensure that we have batch cooked food ready in freezer, washing is 100% up to date and house tidy before heading off. We will book some extra wrap around to make childcare easier or get help from friends on some pick ups.

If they split up of course they would cope. It would be harder and they’d have to restructure things but they would manage. Also involved fathers are not likely to just bugger off without a backward glance when couples split. They will be far more likely to do 50/50 so while the weeks/days kids are with you will be challenging you’ll also have child free weeks that will be easier. That’s been the experience of most of my friends who have split. Some their OH has been a chocolate fire guard and it has been a lot harder for them.

I think it’s not always obvious how little someone is doing when it’s easy to manage everything alone. When you are a young couple and in a small home and may be going out a lot maybe you don’t really notice it’s always you cleaning the kitchen or whatever but it becomes much more obvious in a bigger place with kids & the housework/life admin for them to contend with. I think it’s good to suggest people consider what would make a good long term partnership though. Are they thoughtful & considerate of you? Do they support you emotionally and practically? Do they have similar views on what’s a fair split of finances, family life and any other things that are really important to you? Do they have a similar level of ambition/similar work ethic? Will they likely earn enough to share the load to support a household? All those things are just as important as if they are attractive to you/if you have a good physical relationship. I think often it’s seen as a bit boring/unromantic to thing about long term compatibility & a bit mercenary to think about earning potential in a partner. We discussed all of this before we got married and we lived together for a number of years before having kids and think we had a decent idea of each other’s faults. I know people can change but in some cases I do think people never even consider any of those things before moving in and starting a family.

Yes. This.

I regularly point out to my DD that what daddy is doing is what real love looks like in a partner (cleaning the bathroom, cooking dinner, fixing things, bringing home useful but unromantic presents). Flowers, chocolates, jewellery are all well and good, but they don't pay the bills, or keep the household running.

And for the poster who says you don't look at whether they'd be good round the house at 21. I was 21 when I met DH and what made me realise he was the one for me was that he was practical, handy, genuinely kind and an all round good egg, very happy for me to be independent and work on my career, while being very honest about who he was and his flaws. Having had boyfriends in the past who had to be the big man, just wanted to impress but not actually do anything, I knew what a shit man pretending to be a good one looked like.

Definitely down to the useless partner. I had the same and ended up kicking them out when mine were 2 and 3 years old. People say dont you find it hard, I’m like no it’s actually easier cos he never did anything and now I don’t have to look after him.
I don’t have family support either. But it does gets better, mine are 5 and 6 now and yes things are much easier. Good luck sounds like your doing a great job xx

34 hours a week is a lot

Hi op,

your kid is young. They have older children or a baby and an older sibling (massive help entertainment wise), also a cleaner and both sets of grand parents helping…so more money which also explain the holidays…

You will get there. Wait for your turn, it will come 🌺

Someone I'm acquainted with is one of these Insta mums, lives in a mansion, lost baby weight immediately, handsome rich husband, beautiful children with designer clothes and designer messy hair, blah blah blah.
Reality? Her DH is a horrendous, corny flirt, she's a bad-tempered, snappy dragon with a distracted air, kids are a nightmare. All is not as it seems. Don't be envious, you're normal!

Come on it’s Facebook. Nothing is real all fake😂😂😂

Social media is like reality shows. We all know reality shows are not real and neither is SM.

I literally went on a hike yesterday with a friend. Hubby and I went for a night away last week. Supportive partner and family support. I work full time. Parents have ds so hubby and I can gym together. Etc.

Reading through the comments and some of them are nasty.

social media isn’t necessarily real. Some people have lots of money and energy. Some people are naturally slim and good looking. Some have great hands on partners, some have amazing careers, some have a lot of family help, some have amazing hobbies, some have a wide circle of friends to socialize with. But, you can only pee with the bits you’ve got.

one of my best friends is a high flying partner in an accounting firm, gets up at 530 every morning to train for a marathon, and goes on amazing holidays every year. She does have family help: but she doesn’t have time to post all her stuff on Facebook

Just turn the fake stuff off and concentrate on what you have.

Good luck. I know life can be hard.

Honestly I just do me, I can’t be fucked with the fake shit on social media. I don’t pay attention to it, I just do what I can and it’s enough.

This^
It’s a tiny snippet of ‘life’. Don’t compare yourself to the ‘lie’. It’s all fake.

You literally see what people want you to see on insta!

Behind the camera, the house is mess, the perfect hair and make up have taken ages to do, filters added to the picture/reels and it's taken hours of editing to make it look fantastic!

If it makes you feel like crap, literally don't look because comparison is truly the theft of joy.

😂😂

Your a normal mum
I call Facebook Fakebook
i don’t believe half the rubbish people write and don’t want to know where they are what they’re doing and who they’re with.
I love my time with my family and I’m happy to share with them and friends.
Don’t need to tell others
Enjoy your family ❤️

This. The pressure must be awful.

I think thats why we have time to do things, because we don't have Instagram account 🤣

I don’t mean to be rude… but… to have been able to go to yoga 🧘‍♀️ or on nights out, you must have had either a ex who took the kids to allow you to get out, or some sort of childcare (perhaps a parent, sister or friend)

I really feel it for you here. Are you your mums carer? Could she get PIP and maybe outsource some stuff ?