Page 12 | Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

Frontwoman · 09/09/2024 08:08

sunshinewithrain · 01/09/2024 17:28

To you, the mum I see on insta and fb.......
You have been having nights out from your baby being very young, you have lovely hair and make up, you go to work, you have holidays abroad, your kids have their hair done in plaits or other fancy up dos, u put pictures up expressing your love for your wonderful husband/partner....... u probably got pass tickets and could afford to......
Who the f*** are you?
I'm struggling to make ends meet, my partner is as much use as a chocolate fire guard, I only work 34 hrs a week yet can't keep up with house jobs, I've just tried baking for the first time with my 2 year old, I literally turned my head for one second and half the pack of sugar was added and there's flour everywhere 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I lady washed my hair 4 days ago ......
But I know she's 2 (nearly 3) and I'll never get this lovely time with her again ❤️
Oh and I don't grass tickets...... and tbh I can't justify the prices but I'm crying my heart out and looking back in anger all the same 😂

I hear you. I have 6 kids, youngest is now 13 and the older girls in their own homes with their own kids. It was hard at times. You are doing right to try and make time with your little one it goes very fast and the little things you do don't have to cost loads. I also had a partner the same, I got rid of him and life improved hugely (NOT saying you should at all btw). There's a lot of 'why did you get with him?' here, what they fail to realise is, he probably didn't hold up a sign saying 'useless git who won't help out' when you were first together. Situations and people change along the way, not always for the better.
Hold your head up and be proud that you are working hard for you and your little one! Also, do not be taken in by everything you see on social media, a huge proportion of it is fake and created for effect. I think you would do better to avoid it as much as possible, you will feel better without being made to feel like you should compare. Theres a reason why regulation is needed for it, so many young girls are sick because they buy into the unrealistic body and life expectations they see. Just focus on yourself :)

Celticgold · 10/09/2024 11:06

I’m an older woman had my only child at 40. Split with husband when she was 6 little support from him financially or emotionally for her. Took a year off with her not wealthy just saved so I could. Did lots of things together you never get the time back. Yes I worked run a house cleaned shopped etc. school runs extra curricular stuff hobbies she enjoyed. I gave up holidays new cars etc to do this. Parents were retired but mum made it clear she wouldn’t become a babysitter as they had their own life. I always looked smart but that’s just me house was usually tidy. There’s more to life than a perfect house or being perfectly groomed. Daughter is now 25 just finishing a Masters agree. I helped support through Uni & she works part time. until she finishes her degree. Her dad offered her no support at all Yes I was envious of friends who had parents that helped at every opportunity I struggled but got on with it. We are best of friends.

GivingitToGod · 10/09/2024 15:23

Celticgold · 10/09/2024 11:06

I’m an older woman had my only child at 40. Split with husband when she was 6 little support from him financially or emotionally for her. Took a year off with her not wealthy just saved so I could. Did lots of things together you never get the time back. Yes I worked run a house cleaned shopped etc. school runs extra curricular stuff hobbies she enjoyed. I gave up holidays new cars etc to do this. Parents were retired but mum made it clear she wouldn’t become a babysitter as they had their own life. I always looked smart but that’s just me house was usually tidy. There’s more to life than a perfect house or being perfectly groomed. Daughter is now 25 just finishing a Masters agree. I helped support through Uni & she works part time. until she finishes her degree. Her dad offered her no support at all Yes I was envious of friends who had parents that helped at every opportunity I struggled but got on with it. We are best of friends.

Glad all worked out well for you and your daughter

GivingitToGod · 10/09/2024 15:25

Frontwoman · 09/09/2024 08:08

I hear you. I have 6 kids, youngest is now 13 and the older girls in their own homes with their own kids. It was hard at times. You are doing right to try and make time with your little one it goes very fast and the little things you do don't have to cost loads. I also had a partner the same, I got rid of him and life improved hugely (NOT saying you should at all btw). There's a lot of 'why did you get with him?' here, what they fail to realise is, he probably didn't hold up a sign saying 'useless git who won't help out' when you were first together. Situations and people change along the way, not always for the better.
Hold your head up and be proud that you are working hard for you and your little one! Also, do not be taken in by everything you see on social media, a huge proportion of it is fake and created for effect. I think you would do better to avoid it as much as possible, you will feel better without being made to feel like you should compare. Theres a reason why regulation is needed for it, so many young girls are sick because they buy into the unrealistic body and life expectations they see. Just focus on yourself :)

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Brilliant advice

GivingitToGod · 10/09/2024 15:32

Wantitalltogoaway · 03/09/2024 10:27

I got married because I fell in love, not because I wanted someone to do half the chores.

My point is that I know women who would leave their husbands in a heartbeat but they’re trapped by the golden handcuffs of a good income and someone who does half the chores and half the childcare as well as all the ‘undesirable’ jobs around the house.

I wouldn’t want to be that dependent on a man.

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I would never be financially dependent on a man. I raised my child as a single mother and worked for everything we had or needed, I had my fingers burnt along time ago and that has influenced my feelings. That said, I do know happy couples who are financially dependent and it works for them.
I admit that my view can be considered cynical by some but it works for me

GivingitToGod · 10/09/2024 15:35

Stripesandstarspink · 02/09/2024 10:38

Well, this is also true. But I think the smugness from some posters is really bitchy.

Everyone makes mistakes. I know lots have signs, but why is this foible any different from the myriad other faults that people have? It’s also an easier one to discount in the early stages of a relationship where someone is romantic, fun to be around, great in bed etc. the fact they don’t do the dishes in their flat share might not seem so important.

Who genuinely looks at potential partners at 21 and values someone who helps around the house? I don’t think it’s something you genuinely appreciate until you’re older.

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Spot on

GivingitToGod · 10/09/2024 15:40

LadyMcLadyface · 01/09/2024 22:48

I think so much of it comes down to extended family support. My DH is hands on and pulls his weight, domestic workload generally an even split but we have little practical support outside our little family unit which means nights out etc forget it, also means high nursery fees while we both work. My mum helped a lot with our eldest but no longer can due to health issues, now that we have two DC and no extra pairs of hands to help out it really is much much harder to do all the things you listed in your OP as less time, money, energy...

Totally agree, some of my friends had an enormous amount of input/ support from their extended families when their kids were young and others had little or none for a variety of reasons.
I sometimes think that some of those with a lot of support take it for granted ( not all)

GivingitToGod · 10/09/2024 15:46

Scottishskifun · 01/09/2024 19:36

I have some "acquaintances" (they are my friends long time friends) they all have parental support - one bought a house with a separate attached flat for her parents who do most of the childcare.

We do go on holiday but make sure they have children's clubs as that 2 hours 3 times a week is the only downtime we get for the majority of the year!

I laughed my head off when one of them said to me oh I couldn't go on a family holiday and abandon my child.....no you just take your parents with you and leave them with them instead!

Spot on

Topshrunk · 10/09/2024 16:27

I used to wonder this when I had my first as I looked like I had been dragged through a hedge half the time. Since having my second I no longer care, if I make it to school on time that’s enough for me 🤣

thefamous5 · 10/09/2024 16:33

orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements · 01/09/2024 17:34

They are faking it. Probably not all of it but bloody great chunk of it.

I promise I don't mean that in a disrespectful or sneery way. I genuinely feel sorry for these women (and I don't mean that in a patronising way!) and I think the whole "insta-perfect" thing is terrible for women, both the fakers and the viewers of the fake.

I have my shit together and not faking it.

My hair, makeup and nails always look good because I get up and do it.

I've got four kids. One home educated, and I run a small business.

I have a husband who pulls his weight and we get on well.

My house isn't insta perfect but it's clean and tidy all the time.

I'm also a keen photographer so regularly upload nice pics to insta.

My kids are well behaved (save a bit of usual low level bickering).

My kids go to school looking smart and tidy with hair looking groomed - not that they come out looking that way.

We don't go on fancy holidays but lots of lovely photos at the seaside where we live.

Not saying some aren't faking it, but some people do live calm and nice lifestyles, even with children.

thefamous5 · 10/09/2024 16:35

Oh and to add we have zero family support due to distance, no cleaner or hired help.

We just share chores, and keep ourselves as organised as possible (I have diagnosed adhd so it doesn't come naturally to me, and I have to work at it).

Topshrunk · 10/09/2024 16:37

thefamous5 · 10/09/2024 16:35

Oh and to add we have zero family support due to distance, no cleaner or hired help.

We just share chores, and keep ourselves as organised as possible (I have diagnosed adhd so it doesn't come naturally to me, and I have to work at it).

Well we can’t all
be perfect I’m afraid. I am glad you manage perfection though good on you I say

BrimfulofSasha · 10/09/2024 16:46

Some people just manage to spin plates better than others.
having more disposable income helps, as does having a partner that’s a team player.
but mostly it’s priorities. Some people prioritise differently, is the aesthetic important enough to you or do you prefer spending your energy elsewhere?
plus don’t forget it’s a highlight reel. My social media looks like I’m nailing life, as does my life outside the house… but last nights dinner was half a loaf of Soreen and I fell asleep in the bath

thefamous5 · 11/09/2024 00:09

@Topshrunk

Was there any need for the snark?

At no point have I said I'm perfect...far from it. I'm just pointing out to whoever said it's all fake that it's not.

As I said, I have adhd so I have to work extra hard to be organised and have my shit together.

Topshrunk · 11/09/2024 04:43

thefamous5 · 11/09/2024 00:09

@Topshrunk

Was there any need for the snark?

At no point have I said I'm perfect...far from it. I'm just pointing out to whoever said it's all fake that it's not.

As I said, I have adhd so I have to work extra hard to be organised and have my shit together.

Sorry but you did come across a bit smug 🤣
I am only jealous

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 11/09/2024 06:10

thefamous5 · 11/09/2024 00:09

@Topshrunk

Was there any need for the snark?

At no point have I said I'm perfect...far from it. I'm just pointing out to whoever said it's all fake that it's not.

As I said, I have adhd so I have to work extra hard to be organised and have my shit together.

I get this from one of my friends. The reality is that I have a supportive husband/hands on dad and she does not. But she's snarky with me a lot about how I "wouldn't understand because her life is clearly harder than mine".

Whether that's because she has more kids or I am "lucky" to have the "better" job (her words, because I get paid more and have flexibility, although she has never actually attempted to do more than entry level, we went to the same school, college and uni).

Some people just think that if you are managing to get through without looking like you're falling apart at the seams, you're smug about it. Whatever you do or say.

Fubar01 · 13/09/2024 09:08

sunshinewithrain · 01/09/2024 17:28

To you, the mum I see on insta and fb.......
You have been having nights out from your baby being very young, you have lovely hair and make up, you go to work, you have holidays abroad, your kids have their hair done in plaits or other fancy up dos, u put pictures up expressing your love for your wonderful husband/partner....... u probably got pass tickets and could afford to......
Who the f*** are you?
I'm struggling to make ends meet, my partner is as much use as a chocolate fire guard, I only work 34 hrs a week yet can't keep up with house jobs, I've just tried baking for the first time with my 2 year old, I literally turned my head for one second and half the pack of sugar was added and there's flour everywhere 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I lady washed my hair 4 days ago ......
But I know she's 2 (nearly 3) and I'll never get this lovely time with her again ❤️
Oh and I don't grass tickets...... and tbh I can't justify the prices but I'm crying my heart out and looking back in anger all the same 😂

Not your life , not your business

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 13/09/2024 09:22

Your post is amusing and well written and I am assuming somewhat lighthearted but I feel driven to say at the heart of it is the lack of a supportive partner.

I have never posted photos on SM so you would not have seen curated pictures of my family, but when mine were small our life would have been observed by onlookers as fairly put together and functional and happy. I was not faking it. The key to it all was that my DH was a fully engaged father and a supportive partner (still is). The chocolate fire guard comment really stood out for me in your post. It’s that, if it’s not just a joke, that is holding you back.