Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

[sunshinewithrain]

To you, the mum I see on insta and fb.......
You have been having nights out from your baby being very young, you have lovely hair and make up, you go to work, you have holidays abroad, your kids have their hair done in plaits or other fancy up dos, u put pictures up expressing your love for your wonderful husband/partner....... u probably got pass tickets and could afford to......
Who the f*** are you?
I'm struggling to make ends meet, my partner is as much use as a chocolate fire guard, I only work 34 hrs a week yet can't keep up with house jobs, I've just tried baking for the first time with my 2 year old, I literally turned my head for one second and half the pack of sugar was added and there's flour everywhere 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I lady washed my hair 4 days ago ......
But I know she's 2 (nearly 3) and I'll never get this lovely time with her again ❤️
Oh and I don't grass tickets...... and tbh I can't justify the prices but I'm crying my heart out and looking back in anger all the same 😂

34 hours a week is full time. With a 2 year old ? From memory that is the hardest time.

You’re doing great

But I love "over the teats" and will adopt if from now on where (in)appropriate 😂

It makes me sad to hear how so many of you have little to no family support - there are so few children in our family now that there are arguments over who gets the privilege of minding them. I wish you all lived near me - I’d love to help out

My sister’s Insta looks just like this! She’s stunning. She has a 3yo DS and the three of them are such a good looking family! She works 4 days a week. She has a big group of friends and is always out doing things - they go on weekends away and nice days out as a family all the time or get together with a big group of friends and my sis goes for a night out with her friends once a month. She’s also done a couple of girls weekends away since having her DS.

On Insta her life looks so glamorous. There are a few things going on here:

1. Before having children she was one of those people who hated staying in, always had to be on the go with bags of energy and stamina.
2. She’s lucky that’s she’s naturally slim and attractive with minimal effort so it doesn’t take her long to get ready at all.
3. Her DH is fairly hands on.
4. They have disposable income to go on nice trips and do nice things. Her local area is also very pretty so lovely Insta pics even when just staying locally.
5. Despite all this she’s exhausted, stressed and having counselling but of course she doesn’t post those bits on insta. It isn’t that she’s “faking” it as PP have said. Her way of de-stressing is going out and doing nice things and that’s what she posts photos of. However her DS often wakes up 5am, has tantrums etc and she’s exhausted from it but of course she isn’t going to post photos of those moments! She doesn’t have any family support around and is finding it really tough.

Not everyone has the resources to live that lifestyle but ever people who do only post their best bits online and it doesn’t tell the full story.

Instagram isn’t real but in real life there are women who are just more organised and put together.

I would say its swings and roundabouts.

We have no family support but that makes us a very tight family unit. My DH does a lot and we work as a team which our friends comment on.

I love the idea of a date night but it's a very rare thing indeed for us (DS1 gets upset with the idea of babysitter and its not fair to have him in a state so we can have a night off which we wouldn't enjoy knowing he's in a state) so we find time where we can and arrange lunch dates instead (which means we get nice restaurants cheaper too!)

We go on holidays and are out and about a lot with and without DC. I guess I'm usually dressed up.

I don't work part-time or rely on my wealthy husband. I don't do SM declarations of love but I do them IRL.

My DH is great. I'm very hardworking and run my own business. We only have one DC who has always been an easy and contented child.

We are very lucky. But we had incredibly hard times. I never forget to count my blessings.

More money + image for instagram, because it’s essentially their job to project this image.

DD at school with a friend whose mum had a very successful business and had written a few books. Online she’d had a hugely successful time and was perma-glossy and tanned and made-up with shots of all the family grinning happily.
In reality she’d just got divorced, business had hit a rocky patch, she was dressed in baggy old stuff and looked pale and sad. Do NOT believe all you see in Insta - in fact believe about 5%. The other 95 is smoke and mirrors.

I don’t document my ‘perfect’ life on Instagram but I do have a very nice life which I document on Instagram. Just for my own amusement really. But the fact I photograph it and post it on social media doesn’t mean it’s fake! It’s all real.

I don’t post the harder parts of my life because I’m private about those. So maybe looking in, my life looks ‘perfect’ when it isn’t. But that doesn’t mean it’s not pretty amazing a lot of the time.

Lots of women with spare dosh will gave lovely stuff, clothes and hair.
Women that are good with kids will do easily do fun stuff with kids.
Eomen that enjoyed travel or their jobs will still want to travel and do their jobs.

So yeah of course. There will be a few that overlap and and many more that prioritise one thing over another.

The whole point of posting " look at my lovely life" is to only show you that.

It's high energy people tbh. I'm not one of them. 🤣

You can have all the money and support in the world but if you are low energy you won't be arsed to do hair and makeup every single day and then clean the house followed by wrangling toddlers and babies on a big day out and then get home, put them to bed and head out with friends.

My SIL is very high energy. She gets up 5.30am everyday without fail. She only needs 5-6 hours sleep to be fully recharged. Then she's like a whippet until 11pm. Her house is immaculate. She works 2 days. She goes to the gym or running daily. She'd have made a green smoothie, gone for a run and sorted the laundry before her tiny kids have even woken up.
She has tones of mates she'll see most days with her kids or after their in bed.

Her Instagram is just full of her constantly on the move doing things. Her life looks fantastic and it honestly is. But she doesn't stop!

She exhausts me just watching her, lovely as she is!

Me on the other hand would rather stay on bed till the final alarm goes off and is sprawled out on the sofa scrolling my phone with netflix once the kids are asleep 🤣

I guess I'm one of those mums tbh. Minus the social media posts. I don't use fb or insta atall.

The 'secret' is I have incredible parents who live on the same road as me and adore having my kids.

I know how lucky I am, and tell them so regularly!

Just to add. I did get oasis tickets too, albeit for my brother as I can only name wonderwall.

It’s lovely that you are all so close. It sounds like a proper team.

Ah OP, if I thought about this seriously enough to write a Mumsnet post about it, even a half lighthearted one, I reckon I’d knock the Instagram on the head. I have done and life is so much better - and productive! - for it.

And remember nobody is gonna put a pic of their toddler watching Ms Rachel on Instagram - or their massive pile of ironing. Even those #realistic day in the life ones are massively staged and selective.

Not the point of your thread I know and a side note and a thread in itself but I personally don’t think there’s anything aspirational about putting your kids’ faces on social media platforms in the way Mum influencers do. But each to their own! Their kids, their choices.

A combination of - having a useful husband, family support, super energetic / need little sleep, more money, more organised. Or they’re a nervous wreck teetering on the brink of a breakdown.

Agree!

Right - so apparently I’ve been harsh and a bitch with my comment. Apologies OP. Not meant to offend you Op. Let me try this again;

I have a husband who helps a lot, pull himself weight more than 50% of the time. Whilst we don’t have any family help, ( family very far away) - he more than covers this. It is because of this, that we are able to do all the stuff you say you can’t. When I bake with one child, he has the other, when he tidies the house - I have the kids or we are out for the dog etc. I work and travel quite a bit - and he picks up all the slack with my travelling/ extra hours I have to do etc. My insta is also not ‘fake’ - a lot of my insta are just pictures of the kids - for the my family overseas who don’t get to see them grow up. Nothing fake about it - just because I don’t post them arguing or fighting (which they do all the time) it doesn’t make my insta fake.

No - I didn’t get Oasis ticket - I was over 8 HOURS. 😫 .

Hope that’s better and I’m not a bitch now.

Brilliant, that makes all the difference!

Good point, no one is exempt from what has happened to this lady. Hope things get better 4 her. Life isn't about gloss and glamour for people all the time, despite some people promoting it to be

Never done the hair or make-up thing couldn't think of anything worse than posting pictures or video on social media but I went out sometimes from the time my baby was little because my husband and I both did

I wouldn't have had a child with someone who didn't act like an adult

No idea if what people put on social media is real of fake but people put on what they chose to do and as I don't parents by what they do nor compare myself to it as that would be weird I just focus on me

Simply, when other people are reading their books or watching tv they’re cleaning a section of their house, setting up a camera and recording content until it looks perfect. Sounds exhausting to me!!!

‘Only 34hrs a week’ that’s full time, doing that alongside raising a toddler is hard work.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Very few people share the hard bits on social media, it’s a highlight reel so you can show off. Gushing about how much you love your partner on social media gives me the ick, it’s as if they have to put these posts up to convince themselves.

Also people have different priorities, I don’t have a massive house (mortgage) or fancy new car (on finance) but I do prioritise holidays and experiences (Oasis isn’t my jam but would go to equivalent concert). People might see holiday pics on my social media and wonder why we go on so many, but equally I don’t post photos of new house/ renovations or cars.

The perfect mum over the road from me was in an abusive marriage and her Husband left her for a younger version when her DC were teens.

Then there is the mum who married well and who outsources everything. She even got her baby sitter to make cakes for a school bake sale. She goes on retreat multiple times a year to recover from not looking after her own children.

And the Insta making memories mums who scream like fishwives at their DC across the school playground.

Honestly, give me a scruffy mum any day of the week. One who turns up for football practice on a wet Wednesday and stays after school events to help with cleaning up. They're my people.