Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

[sunshinewithrain]

To you, the mum I see on insta and fb.......
You have been having nights out from your baby being very young, you have lovely hair and make up, you go to work, you have holidays abroad, your kids have their hair done in plaits or other fancy up dos, u put pictures up expressing your love for your wonderful husband/partner....... u probably got pass tickets and could afford to......
Who the f*** are you?
I'm struggling to make ends meet, my partner is as much use as a chocolate fire guard, I only work 34 hrs a week yet can't keep up with house jobs, I've just tried baking for the first time with my 2 year old, I literally turned my head for one second and half the pack of sugar was added and there's flour everywhere 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I lady washed my hair 4 days ago ......
But I know she's 2 (nearly 3) and I'll never get this lovely time with her again ❤️
Oh and I don't grass tickets...... and tbh I can't justify the prices but I'm crying my heart out and looking back in anger all the same 😂

I think so much of it comes down to extended family support. My DH is hands on and pulls his weight, domestic workload generally an even split but we have little practical support outside our little family unit which means nights out etc forget it, also means high nursery fees while we both work. My mum helped a lot with our eldest but no longer can due to health issues, now that we have two DC and no extra pairs of hands to help out it really is much much harder to do all the things you listed in your OP as less time, money, energy...

Not putting up with a useless partner would be a start.

I know one. Free childcare from her parents and his family members. Child not allowed to have the amazing experiences you've described, not allowed to get dirty. Nursery is for 'doing stuff', home is not.
I'd prefer your life.

My friend sent me a clip of an instamum looking glamorous with her two kids, I actually lolled and thought it was a piss take, but it was 'real'. I was actually gobsmacked that someone made it, let alone follow that!

It probably makes me sound like a dick but I never struggled to wash my hair and do my make up.

Both my Mum and MIL babysit so we can have nights out and we save to have an annual abroad holiday plus some camping and caravan trips.

Kids hair always looks good at the start of the day and I guess for photos but no guarantee it stays like that!

I don't think I'm faking anything tbh.

There's no way to say it without sounding like a smug cunt but I just wouldn't have had children unless I was sure my dp would have been an equal partner in absolutely every sense.

Except life happens & experiences can change people so you can never be sure.

I remember having a class after my DC was born, our babies were all about 4 weeks old and understandably the mothers were all overwhelmed and exhausted (we were in lockdown so all on our own). The mum/teachers tip was to always carry lipstick in your car so you can look nice. I remember us all messaging each other afterwards and laughing about it. We were hoping about some practical advice about looking after our babies! 😅

That's a bit unfair. My DP changed massively once DC came along. He just couldn't cope and eventually had a huge mental breakdown. There were no red flags, if there were I obviously would not have married him! 🙄

Ha! Full house! Now the thinly veiled jibes about class.

so you’re too posh and well educated to be in a relationship that is very different from the one you entered 5/10/20 years ago?

In my social circles ( which are largely human) people change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

Your answer is classic victim blaming- trying to soothe yourself that ‘it’ can’t happen to you because you’d never do anything so stupid. When in fact it could.

Some life events are down to bad decisions, some due to circumstances and others are simply dumb luck.

Bluntly, they earn more than you, they didn’t pick a useless dickhead to have children with, they may have a cleaner.

This! 👏👏

Yes, exactly. But it’s not fair to blame women for marrying ‘shit men’. No one deliberately marries a shit man.

Smug and naive is spot on.

Blaming women for their husband’s behaviour is such a boring MN trope.

I was a single parent for years. I earned decent money but after a mortgage and professional childcare (no family), I was worse off than friends on benefits! So I never had fancy holidays to post on insta (plus it wasn't really a thing back then), but my house was tidy, I showered daily and I did baking with the kids etc.

Most of it is just down to ruthless organisation and time-management skills. However, the baking is always a mess and near disaster. Any parent who claims their child baked perfect cookies is lying. The fun is not in eating the end product, it's the joy of doing it together and getting in a mess.

You're doing fine.

I give up! 😂

Why bake with a 2 year old

Social media isn't real like many others have stated. But supportive family helps and supportive partner! I think those are key. And of course money helps too , I don't have the money but I have the supportive family (well mainly my partners mum and sister) and partner is always happy for me to go and have a sun bed or get hair done or have a night out too x

Regarding the women who are smug about having a very hands-on partner, I know several women in this situation and one thing I’ve noticed is that when the husband goes away they are completely scuppered.

They’re the ones who moan about being on their own ‘for a WHOLE week’ with the kids, how are they even managing etc. Honestly, they go to pieces.

Not many mums I know put the bins out, mow the lawn, fix things, could sort out a flooding dishwasher etc. and look after the kids. They could barely cope if their DH left them. Supportive husband is all very well until he buggers off with another woman.

This sounds like a mental health issue rather than a lazy useless man though? Which surely is an entirely different situation.

Lol so better to be an unsupported woman with a chocolate fire guard of a husband so that you’re fine if he buggers off with another woman? Putting bins out isn’t rocket science - my DD manages to sort the recycling for pocket money and she’s only 6. Gardener for the lawn, handyman to fix things, plumber for the flooded dishwasher.

You only have to look at AIBU or the Relationships board to see that, actually, many do deliberately marry shit men. They are littered with lazy, stingy, cheating CFs that the posters go on to marry.

I used to work at a solicitors in a well off naice town. The amount of women mostly (not men) who’d come to us to ask re divorce including a well off glamourous client of ours who asked exactly the same question with her DH unaware.

Most of those things will apply to me, except I don’t post anything on SM about DH.

I’m not sure you want me to say really? My DD likes plaits and hairstyles so I do her hair every morning before going to work. She has a coordinated nursery box so she can pick what she wants and it never looks too hodgepodge, but also I wouldn’t necessarily care about nursery outfits but having everything quite similar in tone makes washing easier.

We go on nice holidays because we can and we enjoy it.

I have a client facing role and I like clothes so I make an effort for work because being covered in kids grubby handprints and looking scruffy doesn’t make me feel motivated.

In terms of the house, both DH and I are fairly house proud. He wakes earlier with the kid who gets up first as tend to do more night wakes, he unloads the dishwasher, preps bottles, before bed we both do a run down of the kitchen and living room every night.
The kids drag out toys and things but they don’t have free access to flour, sugar, markers etc so they don’t throw things like that around. To be honest my oldest has just turned 3 and if she could get to the flour she wouldn’t throw it around.

"...I only work 34 hrs a week yet can't keep up with house jobs, I've just tried baking for the first time with my 2 year old..."

34 hours a week is almost full-time. And you're raising a 2 year old.

You mean you think^^ you're one of 'those' mums! 🤣