Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

[sunshinewithrain]

To you, the mum I see on insta and fb.......
You have been having nights out from your baby being very young, you have lovely hair and make up, you go to work, you have holidays abroad, your kids have their hair done in plaits or other fancy up dos, u put pictures up expressing your love for your wonderful husband/partner....... u probably got pass tickets and could afford to......
Who the f*** are you?
I'm struggling to make ends meet, my partner is as much use as a chocolate fire guard, I only work 34 hrs a week yet can't keep up with house jobs, I've just tried baking for the first time with my 2 year old, I literally turned my head for one second and half the pack of sugar was added and there's flour everywhere 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I lady washed my hair 4 days ago ......
But I know she's 2 (nearly 3) and I'll never get this lovely time with her again ❤️
Oh and I don't grass tickets...... and tbh I can't justify the prices but I'm crying my heart out and looking back in anger all the same 😂

Pass was meant to be oasis btw

Heaps of family support or they're faking it

Comparison is the thief of joy. You’re doing fine and I’d say you’re a great mother xx

Bluntly, they earn more than you, they didn’t pick a useless dickhead to have children with, they may have a cleaner.

There nothing very mysterious about it, just different circumstances. The “not having children with a useless man” is probably the biggest element tbh: your description would fit several women I know, and having a decent partner who picks up his share of everything is key.

They are faking it. Probably not all of it but bloody great chunk of it.

I promise I don't mean that in a disrespectful or sneery way. I genuinely feel sorry for these women (and I don't mean that in a patronising way!) and I think the whole "insta-perfect" thing is terrible for women, both the fakers and the viewers of the fake.

I'm one of the mums you speak of.

In a nutshell, I have a supportive, hands on husband who does 50% of the childcare, leaving me time to do my hair, put make up on, exercise, go on nights out etc.

I put off having a child until I was sure I’d met someone who would be hands on (he was really hands on with his niece and nephews)

Oh I also have a supportive mum who babysits once a month for us so we can go out. And I only work part time, 24 hours a week which also helps.

Basically , a lot of factors and I appreciate it wouldn’t be this way if it wasn’t for my husband and mum.

I didn’t get Oasis tickets though!

I’ve three much older children and over the teats I’ve realised a lot of it is family support; it makes an enormous difference to everything . We literally have zero , absolutely not a second in 14 years and the difference between those that do is huge.
Also some people simply have more money
pretty much all of my friends , I’d say 90 percent have had some kind of financial help or physical help with children . To have none at all makes a huge difference . We are doing well all on our own but it’s make us exhausted and overwhelmed a lot in all honesty..

*years not teats ..

Yep, good partner and family support. I have the former. I’m not the type to get glammed up or have nights out (and if I did, they wouldn’t be on social media) but he would’ve absolutely supported me to do so had I wanted.
I don’t have the latter. Even with a great husband, I see how much easier life is for my Mum friends who have their Mums around.

I had no problems keeping on top of everything. I showered, hair and makeup done everyday. I had an easy baby who was quite content to sit and watch me get ready, clean or cook. I have a DH who is very hands on.

I find it's a mixture of non useless partner and more money. The mums I know that are like this tend to have high earning husbands who are hands on, they work PT and outsource everything they can from cleaning to gardening and everything inbetween.

Fwiw, I only know a few mums like this. The rest of us are struggling on in our own way.

I do find getting rid of the useless husband helps enormously. You will instantly have more time for self care at the very least.

Judging from speaking to 2 families who appeared to have great lives but the DH’s had severe mental health and depression issues and then both committed suicide, I’d say you’re wrong! One mum of these families was cattily referred to as Amanda of Motherland and was avoided.

Lots of families including my DB and his in-laws don’t say much at all and keep it quiet. You’re hardly going to announce 2 miscarriages after restarting ivf because covid meant they couldn’t do it during Covid.

People look at me and think I have my shit together, I did but then I had an “episode”.

I only realised a cousin of my SIL bought her own place (actress so word can be sporadic and was thinking about other work options), well her DPs sold their lovely riverside house and downsized to help her out.

If it makes you feel better @sunshinewithrain, I have a hands on DH, lots of family support, only work p/t, do get to go out/holiday with DH alone often, dc all in primary but I’m generally a mess as I’m always rushing somewhere! I do have good hair courtesy of my hairdresser and genetics but I leave it to dry naturally, dont style it. House is normally a bit messy unless the cleaner has been & there’s always a list of stuff I need to do. Instead I’m wasting time on MNs!

It probably feels that way but you’ll be doing a great job. I’ve never even attempted baking with my kids!

Dont compare yourself to others. My SIL literally stages pictures for social media, it’s not real life. Its cringeworthy to me but it makes her happy and she enjoys it- each to their own.

Perhaps speak with your husband- work out what he could do to help you more around the house to enable nights out and showers?

Holidays etc: that’s just due to finances.

My dc are overnight at one of the gps tonight until Tuesday for example so it does free up time.

They’re not all faking it. What a silly thing to say. And I bet they’d be quite baffled by your pity.

Wow some of these comments are awful! Why the bitchiness? I wonder if you're this unkind in real life or just when hiding behind a screen!

OP, the difference is support -whether this be from a partner or family. The temperament of your little one is a factor too. I coped will first time round, not so well second time! Hang in there, it doesn't last forever.

But it sounds exhausting, particularly documenting it all on social media. I’ve known quite a few friends whom lived their lives like this all of them had similar problems to everyone else, health issues, money issues and worse however they’ve kept up this online persona for who I have no idea, sounds exhausting.

I know someone like this, her instagram looks perfect and her life looks like a dream come true on there but if you get to know her in real life,it’s just an act. She lives on nervous energy and is an extremely anxious person with low self esteem who barely sleeps and is cleaning her beautiful home and taking insta photos at 3am with perfect make up to distract herself and prove herself to others.

They are faking it, since my divorce a few seemingly happily married, posting how much they love their spouse on Facebook types have told me they they wish they could get divorced too. I’ve actually been shocked by the amount of people who have have confided this in me since my own divorce.

I still see them posting the lovey post on sm though so I can only assume everything else they post is a lie as well!

Lmao what a bitchy comment 😂

OP - it’s having the extra support, maybe more money for things like a cleaner, working PT if able. it is tough though, I don’t have any of these things and my husband works shifts, so while he’s great when he is home, his shift work impacts a lot so I feel like you sometimes.

Supportive husbands, time and money to spend and knowing your angles.. in reality there are several times we all text each other how bloody awful things are, but you don't post that on insta!

my partner is as much use as a chocolate fire guard

There you go. Don’t pick a chocolate fire guard for partner. Why did you, honest question?

Social media is 100% fake!!

However, saying that - other posters are correct that the mums who have it the easiest either have family support (good DPs, family grandparent help etc) and or money (cleaners, nannies, housekeepers, babysitters etc)