Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

[sunshinewithrain]

To you, the mum I see on insta and fb.......
You have been having nights out from your baby being very young, you have lovely hair and make up, you go to work, you have holidays abroad, your kids have their hair done in plaits or other fancy up dos, u put pictures up expressing your love for your wonderful husband/partner....... u probably got pass tickets and could afford to......
Who the f*** are you?
I'm struggling to make ends meet, my partner is as much use as a chocolate fire guard, I only work 34 hrs a week yet can't keep up with house jobs, I've just tried baking for the first time with my 2 year old, I literally turned my head for one second and half the pack of sugar was added and there's flour everywhere 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I lady washed my hair 4 days ago ......
But I know she's 2 (nearly 3) and I'll never get this lovely time with her again ❤️
Oh and I don't grass tickets...... and tbh I can't justify the prices but I'm crying my heart out and looking back in anger all the same 😂

They are creating a persona. We all do it to a certain extent. Very few publicise our rubbish days. It's like filtering through your photos and only picking the best ones. Everyone has something going on beneath the surface and no-one is perfect.

Yep. The answer is help. I get a night a week off thanks to my mum. Usually tla good chunk of the next day aswell to get jobs done etc.

Lol. Don't worry I didn't see it. But thanks 😊

Focus on sorting out your useless partner or better still get rid, and stop worrying about strangers.

I live in an area where alot of people are like this, and to the outside world my friends and I look like we do too (sometimes). In my area, most people are on an income which means they can outsource all of the things that bring them down. Cleaning/gardening/food shop, homework and everything in between. If they have had a bad day and can't be bothered to cook they eat out. If their child struggles with something, they out source whatever support they need. Money doesn't make you happier but many of them sure as hell have life easier than people who are less well off.

We have never had any help in terms of either financial help or childcare. We have similar income to our well off neighbours and friends, yet our life styles are different. We will never be as comfortable, and our lives will never be as stress free.

Influencers are fake. They take 100 photos to get 1. The children have to sit for bloody ages often more for the snap than the joy.

They will change outfits multiple times in one day to get photos for future posts. So they might be at a lovely sunny beach once in a month but took enough photos to look like they go every weekend.

Empty houses are easy to clean, grey houses are easy to style as there is no colour to clash. Fake grass and concrete can look lovely and it’s almost zero maintenance.

Buy in hello fresh easy dinners that’s all portion controlled to help stay fit and thin.

It’s mega harsh but it’s also 100% the truth.

This sounds so bitter. Not everyone on Instagram is fake and some people do actually have their lives together.

Real people who are well turned out just have lots of help.

You posted just as I did my next one on real people vs influencers 😅

My husband is very much an equal partner, he
Is a very involved parent, and does more housework than me (because of the way our working hours are, he's at home child free more than I am) this is the biggest thing. Honestly though, I wouldn't have had it any other way, if he wasn't pulling his weight I would be having words, as should he if I wasn't, we are a team and that makes both of our lives easier.

Agree with others, my mum lives 15 mins away and helps us out with childcare, which is a huge help.

Are they younger? I was this mum with my first 2, lots of compliments on how glam I looked, how do I get me and the children out so early in the morning looking great, house was clean most of the time.
I had number 3 12 years later and am nothing like this now, never wear make up, can't remember last time I styled my hair, no nights out because it would take weeks to recover, house always a state (2 teens contribute to that though).

My sister is one of “those” mums.
How did she do it?
Me & our mum.
She used us for babysitting & free groceries for years.
No husband until her child was 8.
Everybody thought she was “Wonder Mum,” but her child was either with Mum or me 80% of the time — and the two of us provided her with food through those years as well.
She faked it — and her child is now almost 50 and she still hasn’t acknowledged the truth or bothered to even say thank you in private.
I imagine this is true for a great many “wonder mums.”

I feel bad for interrupting your flow now 😂

Lots of money and / or family support, plus lots & lots of curating content, that's how they're doing it.

Have you been watching Ballerina Farm by any chance?

I should have made it one post haha.

but it’s true influencers is just fake, well turned out perfect real people have lots of hands on help either husbands/family or paid for help so it’s easier.

If I could outsource all my cleaning and washing and such I sooo would 🤣 love take away too much for a hello fresh ad though.

You’ve said your partner is as useful as a chocolate fireguard. The question is why did you decide to start a family with someone that incompetent and useless?

the reason you struggle is because you’re basically in single mother with one extra (man)child.

I have a life similar to the one you describe. I even got Oasis tickets, though I don't think my lad would appreciate me styling his hair into an updo!

I baked once when he was little and it just wasn't worth it!

Before he was born though, I paid circa 50k to have him, I had 6 miscarriages, some people had 3 children before I'd even conceived my first. The struggle was horrific and my nice hair, holidays and well paying job didn't make it any easier.

I have and have had since about 12 an eating disorder, I can lay awake at night worrying about if I've had too many calories, if I might put a pound on when I have my daily weigh-in in the morning. I don't advertise that to people like you who may be looking into my life!

I stayed in the town I was born into, so did my husband, this has meant that we have family to hand whenever we want it, it means that our house is in an area where property isn't Uber expensive and so we could pay our mortgage off early a a long is now, at 40, to have a good standard of living.

I don't fake anything, if I'm having a shit time of it, I'll tell people and if I'm not then good for me but then I don't need to post my happiness on socials for people to look at!

Like all of us, we work hard to get on in life, however that life pans out. To look in on someone else's life though will never tell the full story! It doesn't tell you of past heartbreaks, past trauma or what might come in the future.

I've come out the other side of childcare. Once they're grown up, earn their own money and seem like decent humans with a good moral compass then you've done a good job. So it doesn't matter, OP, if there are sticky fingerprints all over your walls and you have cake mix in your hair. Enjoy the time with your dch while they're little. Those years go fast!

This isn’t true.

Mine are a bit older now but when they were small I was a single parent. I worked 30 hours a week, didn’t have a cleaner or any home help but still managed to wear makeup, go to a yoga class, spend time to make myself look nice, do fun things with my kids, go out with friends etc.

It’s really not that hard and you don’t need a man or loads of money to do it.

A) I genuinely think they post / talk about it because they get a buzz making other people feeling a bit shit by comparison. Eg they want to envious looks, the oh god I haven't managed to wash my hair this week let alone today comments

B) very carefully curated content . Imagine the best most wholesome second or two of your day. Now record it and put it online, and do that everyday. Most people's lives in that snapshot could look pretty ideal but also not reflecting reality

C) money (as others have said)

D) people in background doing stuff for them.

I'm not in camps a,b,c or d let alone all four. I'm also not on instagram because I know it would drive me insane (angry/bitter lol!)

True though

To all the posters blaming OP for choosing a crap man to have kids with (common theme on MN: if your husband behaves badly it’s your fault).

How is the shit man’s behaviour her fault? So misogynistic.

@sunshinewithrain - Idon't know, but hopefully this thread will help you to find a couple... can you please share one?
I need one to come round and sort the house, laundry, kids, husband, exercise for me and dog out! Then she can post it all on my social media while I am at work!
🤣

I wouldn't say social media is fake but it's usually a snap shot of what the poster wants you to see. My life looks a lot more fun, glamorous and glossy than it is because I tend to only post photos if when I'm doing fun/interesting stuff and have done my hair and make up. I don't generally post photos when I'm knackered after work on a Monday night, I'm in my manky dressing gown, kitchen is a tip and my nose is running because I've just started another cold!

I've had people tell me that I'm "always partying" and my marriage looks like "the epitome of fun and romance". Laughed heartily at both those.

I will say that mums who have an extended family network to babysit regularly will find it easier. Likewise younger mums just because they have more energy to burn the candle at both ends and still look fab. I was 40 when I had my youngest and going to a glamorous club night has pretty much zero appeal these days.