Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

[sunshinewithrain]

To you, the mum I see on insta and fb.......
You have been having nights out from your baby being very young, you have lovely hair and make up, you go to work, you have holidays abroad, your kids have their hair done in plaits or other fancy up dos, u put pictures up expressing your love for your wonderful husband/partner....... u probably got pass tickets and could afford to......
Who the f*** are you?
I'm struggling to make ends meet, my partner is as much use as a chocolate fire guard, I only work 34 hrs a week yet can't keep up with house jobs, I've just tried baking for the first time with my 2 year old, I literally turned my head for one second and half the pack of sugar was added and there's flour everywhere 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I lady washed my hair 4 days ago ......
But I know she's 2 (nearly 3) and I'll never get this lovely time with her again ❤️
Oh and I don't grass tickets...... and tbh I can't justify the prices but I'm crying my heart out and looking back in anger all the same 😂

They have family support, a useful partner and spare money at the end of every month….. instead you have an unhelpful husband and work 34 hours a week, so long story short be a bit easier on yourself 😅

Not everyone on Instagram is fake and some people do actually have their lives together.

Lots are though because often when you are actually living your life photo ops are the last thing from your mind. We had a really busy, action packed summer with a few holidays. On the last holiday in the last few days I realised I had taken hardly any photos because we were constantly doing things & many of the ones I had taken were a bit rubbish as trying to get everyone still and looking at the lens/smiling/not covered in ice cream is hard! 😆😆

I know what you mean as I don’t relate to these families either! But I am certain some people find parenting easier than others based on friends. I have friends with 3dc who genuinely find life manageable and fun most of the time. They are not influencers rather the way I would like to feel!

factors:

supportive partner
family support (eg mum)
dc personality / needs
own personality and health
money

I don’t do well on most of these and as a consequence find parenting quite hard!

Instagram is a highlights reel - nobody shows the shit times do they?!

Definitely reiterate what other people have said, it’s a helpful partner and a solid support network. My other half actively encourages me to make plans, go get hair and nails done etc, starts the tea while I do bedtime, does the dishes if I tackle laundry.
We also have an amazing family around us. Will mind said toddler at a moments notice and will jump in to help if needed. In our group we have one friend who has a shitty husband and she dictates our social life (to a point, slight exaggeration) because he can’t/wont feed and put his kids to bed himself - so either we have to meet at 8pm after she’s done bedtime in the evening or take all the kids with

I know a few of these women.
All or some of the following can be applied to them:
High earning husband
Hands on DH when at home
SAHP or PT
Family nearby or babysitter /nanny on standby
Cleaner
They all bloody love vinted
Love a bargain
Travel Counsellor to sort out holidays
Have all taken photography courses

No!

I don’t have any of these. I just have my shit together. My kids slept because they had a good routine, I disciplined them so they didn’t run riot, they do chores etc. I look after my own health and well-being.

These things aren’t an accident. Saying ‘oh, everyone who has this just has loads of help and money’ is really unfair. I’ve worked hard to create it.

Not saying it’s perfect btw, but I definitely have time to do fun/glam things and don’t slob around in joggers.

And I don’t have an Instagram account.

@sunshinewithrain you chose a useless husband and you then tolerate it and do all the tasks like the live in maid

We talk a lot about the impact social media has on the health of young women and girls, but I think it has a significant impact on the mental health of mothers too. It’s really easy to see lots of beautiful pictures of mothers who seem to have it all and are getting everything right and to feel ‘not good enough’ in comparison. Motherhood has become fetishised in a way I don’t think it has been since ‘the Angels in the Home’ in Victorian times and we are also expected to financially support our children. When DD1 was born 12 years ago and Instagram was relatively niche there wasn’t the same pressure that there is now, and in the 80s/90s there was far less. OP your DD is fed and loved and safe and that is worth a million pretty pictures and shiny hair. I’m sorry you are not supported more, that’s rubbish for you, but kids don’t look at Instagram. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

So what help do you have and how many hours a week do you work? And how often do you do fun/glam things with no kids in tow?

I might appear to be one of these mums. 3dc 4 and under. We bake from time to time. We host halloween etc parties. We do handmade cards for birthdays and Christmas. DH is very hands on. I work 0.8 (although my day off is with all 3 dc so no housey stuff gets done). Family are far away but help whenever they can. I don’t do any non essential cleaning, and pay a cleaner to come once a week instead.

But, what you don’t see is that I haven’t slept more than 4 hours consecutively in 4.5 years (because I’m too soft to sleep train). We eat too many takeaways, and I still haven’t sorted out all the uniform/ school shoes for starting school. So don’t believe all you see on social media!

I am not on any SM. Work FT long hours inc out of hours and the kids and baby in nursery FT. My partner is helpful and we throw money at the issue

Excellent summation

my partner is as much use as a chocolate fire guard

There lies your problem

Though I don’t really post on social media, I had comments when I was on mat leave insinuating this sort of thing. The biggest thing is a supportive husband who does an equal share of the parenting and housework and encourages me to have to time to myself.

We also saved a lot before having kids so maternity leave wasn’t too much of a financial burden - this was a deliberate decision.

I could be that insta mum... I'm a single mum, no family support, sole carer for my severely disabled mother. It's money, and one heck of a lot of planning/prioritising, and loads unsaid.

Today you'd see us at the Zoo, for example. My DS with ice cream dripping down his chin, and us laughing at the giraffes, me having a GREAT hair day. What you wouldn't see is DM in a wheelchair I was shoving round all day in the boiling sun, the fact we only went out because I had a migraine and having things to entertain the two of them was the only thing that felt slightly bearable - I want to scream after an hour of keeping them both occupied at home.

Tomorrow, you'll see my overpriced ice tea from the local coffee shop, you won't see the fact I'll need to wake up at 4am to get a head start bc DS has an inset day that I forgot to plan for so now need to juggle parenting and work all day. You won't know the local coffee shop is right next to a playground that has outdoor benches and WiFi so I can attempt to get some work done whilst parenting. If I'm really lucky, DM will be up for the outing so I'll get to push her there and back too!

Tomorrow evening, I'll pay a local teen to come sit with my DM and DS who will hopefully be asleep by then, and will go out to a workout class. There might well be a cute snap of me in workout gear and you might wonder about my fancy gym membership and how I hold it all together, when the only reason I'll have gone is because I might die more inside if I don't 😂 and the only reason I have a fancy gym membership is bc there's childcare and a cafe for DM to sit in that I can see from the gym floor, which is the only flipping way I can workout!

Before you say anything, I know I probs shouldn't use Instagram like this, but the comments about being such a great mum are also a coping mechanism 😂

This is harsh.
Often ott displays of love for dh are a sign things aren’t great. Also I feel sorry for a lot of those kids. Imagine how it is for them?

To me people who put their lives up on social media (esp insta) are extremely insecure. Much of it is faked and set up for the perfect shot.
I mean why are they doing it? If you want to bake or dress in matching pj’s or go out just do it. We don’t need a song and dance presented to the world. Why? Is it to make others envious? Boast? Make yourself feel better from comments and likes?
Most people who are secure in themselves don’t need / want to post it. They just enjoy their lives without showing off and stabbing home the point that they are fabulously wonderful.
What makes me saddest is the kids caught up in it. They just want mummy’s attention and to do the baking, not to have to stop to take the perfect photo every 10 minutes

Yep think it’s all about support. Can be your partner, family, friends, outsourcing of tasks and paying someone to do them or a combination of the above.
I had nights out from when eldest was about 2-3 months and my parents babysat or if I was with friends she was with my husband.
I have lovely hair because of blind luck. It’s poker straight, long, thick & a nice colour. I just brush it wet and leave it to dry and it looks shiny and healthy and bouncy. I don’t do make up. I work full time in a professional job and have also travelled regularly with work to some far flung and exotic sounding locations from kids being tiny, which was doable due to my husband being able to flex at work, my parents helping and being able to pay for additional wrap around. We go abroad and for weekends away regularly and even have the odd weekend as a couple while my parents look after the kids. We can afford it as we each earn individually around the average U.K. household income for a family of 4. My eldest daughter generally looks a bit scruffy as her preferred clothes are joggers and hoodies. My youngest generally looks super smart & has my hair so it looks good whether we have bothered with a fancy up do or not. I’m sure when people see me out with just her it makes me look like I have it all much more together than when they see me with her big sister.
My husband is a true partner and we share the load. Our relationship is definitely not perfect & sometimes he’s been quite unwell with depression but we turn up for each other and that makes a massive difference vs someone who leaves you to it. I don’t have oasis tickets but yes we could have bought them. I spend a lot on seeing live performances but at the theatre & when we want to see a band live we just buy the tickets.
Many of my friends are similar. What we have in common is having above average household income, living in a relatively cheap area & family support. We also all help each other out a lot to keep on top of all the kids stuff.
I wonder though if you mean people who seem like they never have a hair out of place or an untidy room and just seem 100% put together all the time? That’s less common and those who I know well who seem that way generally also have their moments where it’s all a bit of a mess. They are super organised though and it’s impressive how well they manage to juggle everything

I have always had a shower and washed my hair every day. When they were babies they screamed in a moses basket / bouncy chair in the bathroom. I don't dry and style it though, I go to work with it wet every day. So that's not very Instagram ready.

I also got lucky with pretty chilled out toddlers who could be trusted to watch tv or potter around in their room for 10 minutes at a time without killing themselves. That helps a lot.

I just have my shit together. My kids slept because they had a good routine, I disciplined them so they didn’t run riot, they do chores etc. I look after my own health and well-being.

One of mine is still a shit sleeper and pretty stubborn despite all my efforts. A lot of health is luck.

I definitely have time to do fun/glam things and don’t slob around in joggers.

I do both and sometimes just slob about in glam clothes!

Do you beleive everything on the internet?

Before you say anything, I know I probs shouldn't use Instagram like this, but the comments about being such a great mum are also a coping mechanism

Thats incredibly honest @FirstTimeHomeowner

Can I ask why you wouldn’t include a photo of your mum at the zoo though?

Some women really do have their shit together. It doesn't mean they're better than you.

We all have our strong points. Theirs just happen to be the sort of strong points that make it to Instagram.

Try not to compare.

Shrug off any pressure you may feel to do activities with your children that result in more work for you. Never attempt baking with anyone under the age of 10 for starters.

Sheesh.
Way to stick the boot in...