Would you go nc with your parents for this

[giantcolouringbook]

I am 23(f) and work f/t my company have been offering compresses hours which I have happily accepted bearing in mind I get paid the same and do the same hours but an extra day off plus weekends.
I excitedly told my parents this and they are furious saying that I should have discussed it with them first as it affects them too.
They've also said if I'm going to be home an extra day of in the week I need to do something with it and not just hang around the house.
My dad is retired and spends every day hanging around the house doing nothing.
Aibu to think a) this has nothing to do with them and b) I shouldn't be told to go out and do something when I am looking forward to an extra down day at home doing exactly what my dad does?
I am of course looking to move out asap but would you think there was any coming back from this or should I just move on never look back.

Seems a bit unfair they don’t want you around! Ask why?!

Parent and child are both in the wrong. Everyone needs to grow up, or may be there is more to the story then in the OP?

23 is not too old to be at home with todays economy. She’s working full time so she’s doing better than most. So what if she has an extra day off and chooses to spend it relaxing? Seems like a lot of posters here are a little bit jealous of the younger generation and new ways of working open to them nowadays. But NC over this is stupid; NC should not be trivialised.

no one is saying that parents should drop everything for their kids, but starting to tap your watch when kids turn 18 is nasty and seems to be a uniquely English thing.

Exactly. They don't want her hanging around at home. Don't blame them. Why do adult kids think they can try rule their parents is ridiculous. You need to be grateful. I think 🤔 x

Correct. Spoilt brat me thinks 🤔 x

Definitely x

She's 23 - maybe she is unwanted.

Most parents want their adult children to move out and get on with their lives, not hang about the house all the time.

Are you serious they are awful 😖?..why ?. No they aren't. A 23 Yr old doesn't need to be telling her Dad what he can do in HIS house. I agree with them 100 %. She's 23 not 3. I think your remark is awful. She sounds about 13.

I don't drink so have nowhere to go in the evenings

Maybe you don't express yourself very well OP, but it sounds to me like what they're saying is they don't want you, at 23, acting like you're 40 odd years older, like your Dad.

Hanging around at home when you're retired isn't the same as spending three days a week hanging around when you're early twenties.

Parents obviously haven't hit the right spot with how they've expressed themselves either, but to say you'd limit contact with them in the future, because of this, is very juvenile.

You sound incredibly immature. I'd probably have been wound up by my Dad dictating how I spent my time at 23, but you're free to move out. The immature comment is down to the threat of going NC. NC is when your parents have a long pattern of toxic and abusive behaviour, not just because they've told you off for hanging around the house on your day off.

Not sure what drinking has to do with going out in evening. Don’t you have hobbies or see friends. Volunteering?
Your update sounds as though you are much younger than 23.

There’s another thread today with a mum with a 24 yr old lad at home 4 days at a stretch and finding it suffocating. Maybe look at that to see from other side.

What age do you plan to move into your own home Op? If it’s a case of another few months maybe share with parents and see if you can stay a bit longer.

When you move out there will rent/mortgage.
Council Tax, water, gas/electricity, insurance, phone/bb plus everything in the leader will be down to you.....just saying

Sorry LARDER not leader!

Is this a joke?

@Petlover9

🤷‍♀️ it’s got to happen sometime! We all have to grow up and take responsibility for ourselves eventually.

You're 23 and living at home and your parents prefer you being out all week and not seeing you for an extra day. I wonder why?
This is like the opposite of the empty nester post recently where the mum was 'grieving' their child going to uni and the thought of them moving out and not seeing them as much.

But she isn't 18, she's 23.

And she keeps suggesting they do family things together akd refers to herself as a child.

This isn't about parents who are desperate to get rid of an 18 year old as some posters seem to think.

The devil is in the detail.

Not if it impacts negatively on other people.

no not when she lives with her parents who are retired. She feels entitled to do what she wants in their house. Great for the parents to have someone lounge around for 3 days instead of 2 without even discussing. The young people of today are full of entitlement.

You Dad is allowed to sit around all day because he's worked his whole life, provided for you and is now retired.

You're 23. You're just starting out.

They are probably worried about your work ethic. They may not understand.

And also, they may wish to have the house to themselves a bit more. To some extent, they've done their time with you, they were once a couple before you arrived, perhaps they just want a bit of time to be by themselves. It's been 23 years now.

it's not that they don't love you, but we all need time and space.

Not having had children, you couldn't begin to understand the impact that having a child has on a relationship. Many parents split in the first year of a child's life and you're one of the lucky ones because over 50% of marriages end in divorce.

Just give them some space. And yes, they'd probably like to think at some point, you're going to move out and get a place of your own so they can finally have that feeling of complete freedom.

I love my children very very much and I don't want them to ever move out but I also know in my heart that they need to find their own way and become independent, fully independent of me, too. And yes, it is nice to feel that you've got them sorted, in a relationship, settled with a place to live, maybe a family of their own...working a job that fulfils them hopefully.

Remember they do care, I'm sure they do but they are parents and they just worry about all the things I've listed.

Slightly different take. Their reaction suggests they aren't finding it all wonderful having you living at home, and perhaps quite like having the house to themselves when you're at work. They're entitled to feel like that - it's their house after all and you're an adult.
Maybe you're a bit of a pain when you're hanging around the house! Lounging on the sofa, leaving washing up in the kitchen, playing your music loudly... (I'm describing my adult daughter here 😀)
Don't be so silly as to go NC over this. Have an adult conversation with them as to why they reacted the way they did, and take what they say on board.

Do you pull your weight at home? Put a regular load of washing on (that includes everyone’s of the same washing type), get washing in without being asked, run the vacuum around, ie behaving like an adult?

it could well be your version of relaxing is similar to staying in a serviced apartment and M & D, as much as they love you, want it to stop or change and they are not seeing this from you….?

Your parents had you late in life and haven't prepared themselves for having a 20 something in their home, while retired. I think they are pretty selfish and very controlling by the way they have treated you.

Selfish and controlling because they said she should do something with her extra day off instead of hanging around the house? Don't be ridiculous. You also don't know that they had her late in life. Her parents could have taken early retirement.

Selfish parents full-stop. Being a parent doesn't entitle you to be a parent for the rest of your child's life if you aren't prepared to sacrifice anything for your child. Being a parent is a privilege - I don't feel your parents should have that privilege, after treating you like that. I'm speaking as someone who was mentally abused by her parents and eventually stood up to them. I am therefore able to empathise with you. I don't think most commentators in here understand the severity of how your parents treated you.

You have no evidence that they haven't sacrificed anything to be parents. How exactly have they treated her? Again, suggested she should do something other than hang around the house. What exactly is so severe about that? That is the ONLY thing you have to go on here. No evidence of mental abuse. You are projecting your upbringing onto them.

Move out and then decide whether you want to walk away, or not. You could also keep them at arms length. I certainly would not be supporting them. Just advise them because they feel you are such a nuisance to have around, that you will also stay out of their way when they are no longer able to look after themselves and need to be put in a care home.

Hopefully if OP tells them this, they will decide to leave everything to charity. That would be a despicable thing to say to parents who have tolerated their young adult child staying at home, failing to launch and allow them their space back.