Would you go nc with your parents for this

[giantcolouringbook]

I am 23(f) and work f/t my company have been offering compresses hours which I have happily accepted bearing in mind I get paid the same and do the same hours but an extra day off plus weekends.
I excitedly told my parents this and they are furious saying that I should have discussed it with them first as it affects them too.
They've also said if I'm going to be home an extra day of in the week I need to do something with it and not just hang around the house.
My dad is retired and spends every day hanging around the house doing nothing.
Aibu to think a) this has nothing to do with them and b) I shouldn't be told to go out and do something when I am looking forward to an extra down day at home doing exactly what my dad does?
I am of course looking to move out asap but would you think there was any coming back from this or should I just move on never look back.

Your being very unreasonable to go NC because they have said they like their space. Your dad sounds like he was being a bit OTT but he's at retirement and probably didn't picture it sharing majority of the time with you.

I also don't see why you need to be around a house all weekend and every evening. There are plenty of things to do which don't involve alcohol, many many sports, clubs, board game evenings, book clubs etc. Maybe you should use your extra day off to find a hobby or start socialising a bit more.

You also don't do the same hours if compressed usually you do an extra few hours a day for the compression.

I presume that your parents have their own routine that they like and are comfortable with. Regardless of whether you think it's just pottering and tv watching, it's what they enjoy doing. Having you at home an extra day a week will disrupt that routine and possibly make them feel uncomfortable in their own home.
It may also have something to do with having to cope with your melodramatic behaviour for an extra day a week, and the impact that has on them, if this post is reflective of your behaviour in real life!
I'd take the hint that it's time to move out.

OP can do what she likes (lounging around at home) when she has her OWN house... her parents house that they earned over a lifetime is where they get to relax.

No one is entitled to do anything... I would love to jet set, I can't but thats not my parents burden to support. If my parents where kind enough to help I would not moan its not enough.

OP didn’t say how she was going to spend her extra days off! She could be off out all day for all we know.
For what it’s worth, OP, I feel there’s a back story here and initially thought your parents’ reaction was odd - it isn’t their business even if you still live with them. You’re an adult.
I was adopted and brought up in a dysfunctional family - even in my 30s (saving up for my own place), I wasn’t allowed both front door keys while my brother was (I’m not even someone who goes out drinking etc and then waking everyone up coming in, which would be an understandable reason for not “allowing” me to let myself in).
Anyhoo, I told my mum a couple of years ago that I was thinking of looking for a job in a new area and moving (my job had unstable hours which is never a good thing) - to which she replied that she thought I was “being disgusting” because my boss had been very good to me for years. That was true, but she seemed to think that made me an indentured slave to the company and I wasn’t allowed to move on.
Joke’s on her, though, cos we got made redundant not long after, and I moved/got another job anyway.

Ask yourself why they don't want you hanging around ? Are you mardy or hard work? Or do you expect them to make your lunch and entertain you ? Time to adult and move out.

She did say “ I am looking forward to an extra down day at home doing exactly what my dad does”

Yeah my core is shaken by people responding so nonchalantly. Cut off parents permanently and entirely for saying do more around the house on your day off. Surely fucking not 😂

@OhcantthInkofaname

but she has lots of free time though because she only goes out to work and occasionally gym. So that would be really cutting her nose off to spite her face wouldn’t it?

I would go no contact but Od been out from under my parents roof for 4 years by the time I was your age Move out

Wow, I don’t agree with OP but this is completely below the belt

Do you think your parents have misunderstood what compressed hours are, and think that you're just going down to a 4-day week and will be earning 20% less than you were before?

How much housekeeping money do you pay them every month, and do you muck in with the domestic chores, laundry and cooking etc?

My suggestion would be to move out.

Pressed too soon *edit I WOULDN'T

So basically you want to start a system of blackmailing your parents when you don’t get exactly what you want. Do what I want or I’ll cut you out of my life. Grow up and consider how you can deal with disappointment a bit less dramatically in the future rather than taking an extreme and quite aggressive route. Accept that your parents are entitled to have their own views (and lives and home) too. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you if they expect you, as an adult, to grow up and move on.

So they have to skulk round quietly so she can lie in, then have her messing around doing her laundry etc... while they are chatting to friends or watching their show then they have to entertain her constant need for attention all evening too?

That is exactly the 'disruption' they don't want.

OP didn’t say how she was going to spend her extra days off! She could be off out all day for all we know.

She did, @TypingoftheDead - she wants to spend it at home doing nothing, just like her dad does. She also said she only goes out "occasionally" to the gym, otherwise she's at home.

but its not their house... not unless they own it.

Many parents don't even have their own house, million of people (and increasing) rent their home. These people can lose their tenancy for having extra people live there (its not rare many landlord evict the named tenant after encountering issue with adult children of tenant who refuse to follow the rules but believe they have a right to live there).

People also lose often much needed benefits and tax discounts.

Your parents had you late in life and haven't prepared themselves for having a 20 something in their home, while retired. I think they are pretty selfish and very controlling by the way they have treated you.

Selfish parents full-stop. Being a parent doesn't entitle you to be a parent for the rest of your child's life if you aren't prepared to sacrifice anything for your child. Being a parent is a privilege - I don't feel your parents should have that privilege, after treating you like that. I'm speaking as someone who was mentally abused by her parents and eventually stood up to them. I am therefore able to empathise with you. I don't think most commentators in here understand the severity of how your parents treated you.

Move out and then decide whether you want to walk away, or not. You could also keep them at arms length. I certainly would not be supporting them. Just advise them because they feel you are such a nuisance to have around, that you will also stay out of their way when they are no longer able to look after themselves and need to be put in a care home.

Being a parent doesn't entitle you to be a parent for the rest of your child's life if you aren't prepared to sacrifice anything for your child. Being a parent is a privilege - I don't feel your parents should have that privilege, after treating you like that. I'm speaking as someone who was mentally abused by her parents and eventually stood up to them. I am therefore able to empathise with you. I don't think most commentators in here understand the severity of how your parents treated you.

Oh for goodness sake. They are perfectly happy for her to live with them; they are perfectly happy for her to spend every weekend and evening with them; they simply don't want her hanging round the house for a third day a week.

Being a parent does not mean you have to sacrifice everything for your child.

I was also mentally abused by my parents, so I am loathe to say that OP is wrong to go NC. But this incident alone does not consitute mental abuse. OP has had 5 years of being an adult with the potential to have saved loads. If her parents were that awful why has she not moved out long since? She would also be recounting other instances of her parents treating her poorly across her whole lifetime. She hasn't. She's simply had a rude awakening that her parents are not prepared to sacrifice everything for her, in the way that you suggest they should.

Time to move out. I do think you should have spoken to them about it as being in their house an extra day affects them.

I think you come across as pretty entitled OP. Do you pay fair rent? If you do then you could prob feel a bit miffed at their reaction (but going nc?!). If you don’t pay fair rent then you have no leg to stand on and should wind your neck in and move into a flat share with people your own age.

Going by their reaction, it sounds like your parents want their space and probably feel it’s time for you to move out. Going nc is extreme and childish.

Prioritise moving out. Some people love having their adult kids living at home and some people find it restrictive and uncomfortable. Once you've living completely independently and not relying on them for housing, financial/emotional support etc it's going to be a lot clearer whether you have a healthy relationship or not.

Ouch. I feel sorry for you. How to make your child feel unwanted. :-(

Exactly 💯 %. Nothing to do with anyone but him. If my kids didn't like it they could go live elsewhere. X

I totally get what your parents are saying, they just want to potter about and do their own thing without having someone else there. It’s just about having your own space to be yourself.
Do you give them time alone when you’re not working, you say you don’t get out much, do they have time alone to watch tv and chat without having to entertain a third party all the time.
You need to either attempt to make yourself more self contained so you’re not under their feet all the time or find a place of your own.
This does not mean by the way that they don’t love you or care about you it’s just a fact of life as folk grow older they have their own pace of life.
It’s very childish to suggest going no contact over such a trivial thing, in that respect you really do need to grow up.