Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go nc with your parents for this

609 replies

giantcolouringbook · 01/09/2024 10:11

I am 23(f) and work f/t my company have been offering compresses hours which I have happily accepted bearing in mind I get paid the same and do the same hours but an extra day off plus weekends.
I excitedly told my parents this and they are furious saying that I should have discussed it with them first as it affects them too.
They've also said if I'm going to be home an extra day of in the week I need to do something with it and not just hang around the house.
My dad is retired and spends every day hanging around the house doing nothing.
Aibu to think a) this has nothing to do with them and b) I shouldn't be told to go out and do something when I am looking forward to an extra down day at home doing exactly what my dad does?
I am of course looking to move out asap but would you think there was any coming back from this or should I just move on never look back.

OP posts:
Blogswife · 02/09/2024 18:09

Exactly how are you going to go NC if you live with them ?
I think they have a point . Having adult kids at home is not always easy & they probably enjoy having their home to themselves during the day .
Obviously if you don’t intend to encroach on their space and not be at home on your day off then they ABU otherwise I think it’s only fair that you consult with them first.
If you really want to make decisions like this without considering anyone else you could always move out . It would make going NC much easier too !

DoIWantTo · 02/09/2024 18:13

You’re an adult living at home and dropped it on your parents that you’re going to be around an extra day. They probably want peace and space, they’ve done their job raising you. Your dad being retired has no bearing on the situation. Time for you to move out.

Thistlewoman · 02/09/2024 18:18

giantcolouringbook · 01/09/2024 14:20

Obviously I don't mean go no contact with them in their house so I meant when I move out.
I think the thread has been derailed slightly by people thinking I'm going no contact while still at home when that obviously is not the case.
I don't drink so have nowhere to go in the evenings and shouldn't feel pressured to go and walk the streets when I do pay my way to have a home to live in although I do sometimes go to the gym, evening times should be relaxing at home after work right?
I am home weekends and one day during the week.
That still means I'm at work 4 days.
I try to do things as a family but they always want to do their own thing, even in the evening.
I personally feel like this is a heartless and unnecessary way to treat a child in their home but I'm prepared to accept most people disagree with me and that's fine.
I'll try and find a way to make it work.

'A child in their home'? You are a grown woman. Start acting like one and get some independence for goodness sake. Your OTT reaction to them wanting their own space in their home suggests you are still operating as a sulky teenager. Anyone daft enough to threaten NC over something so small needs to get a sense of perspective & start standing on their own two feet.

Pliudev · 02/09/2024 18:18

You are 23 and living in your parents house long after most have left. Your father worked all his life and is now hoping to enjoy his retirement. You obviously don't value how hospitable they've been. It's time for you to move on and give them back their space. They've done their bit, now do yours.

masterblaster · 02/09/2024 18:20

giantcolouringbook · 01/09/2024 10:11

I am 23(f) and work f/t my company have been offering compresses hours which I have happily accepted bearing in mind I get paid the same and do the same hours but an extra day off plus weekends.
I excitedly told my parents this and they are furious saying that I should have discussed it with them first as it affects them too.
They've also said if I'm going to be home an extra day of in the week I need to do something with it and not just hang around the house.
My dad is retired and spends every day hanging around the house doing nothing.
Aibu to think a) this has nothing to do with them and b) I shouldn't be told to go out and do something when I am looking forward to an extra down day at home doing exactly what my dad does?
I am of course looking to move out asap but would you think there was any coming back from this or should I just move on never look back.

You sound very spoiled.

I take it you are paying a full commercial rate for your board and lodging?

your parents seem a bit behind the times, but there has to be more to this than what you are saying, because you sound unhinged.

Agathamarple · 02/09/2024 18:22

You all sound either very highly strung or fed up with living with each other. Time to move out.

usernother · 02/09/2024 18:26

Your dad can do what he likes in the house because it's his house. You just live there. For the moment.

tommyhoundmum · 02/09/2024 18:28

This is an odd reaction from your parents, I think. And you may have overreacted a little at their attitude. Perhaps continue to try and save towards moving to a home of your own.

Don't go nc though as it will blow over.

Bowies · 02/09/2024 18:30

giantcolouringbook · 01/09/2024 20:52

I have read many other threads on here about how peoples kids will always have a home with them and how their home is their home, being a parent doesn't end at 18 etc but I suppose that's only if they like them then otherwise they can push off and stop burdening themselves with their presence.
I also get the retirement point but I didn't get a say in how old they were when they chose to have me so I think it's unfair to say I should not get any support as a young adult because they want to enjoy their retirement when other people live at home and don't get treated this way by their family.

Sorry OP but this post makes you sound like a big baby - perhaps one in need of a giant colouring book?!

You are 5 years into adulthood, that’s a bloody long time. On top of which it seems like you are under their feet and wanting entertaining, except when you are at work or the gym.

Those comments on MN are usually relating to specific situations. Your DP haven’t even asked you to move out, though encouraging you to leave the nest before now would have helped develop your independence and maturity. At this point it’s likely the best scenario for all parties.

Perhaps a house share with people your own age would help you develop a social life and wouldn’t be too expensive.

Jack80 · 02/09/2024 18:30

You have two options ignore what they have said and just spend the day in your room but you could maybe help in the house by say putting the washing on if you don't help already. The other option is move out.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 02/09/2024 18:31

Way over the top on your part. Until I read that last bit I thought you were an adult.... living an independent life.

You live in their house! Of course it impacts them - what if they expected to have the house free to host a regular meeting, or the fact that you'll be eating their food, because you're at home?

Please stop being such a brat or I expect you'll regret it when you grow up.

Rosiecidar · 02/09/2024 18:34

Rather than compressed hours your parents are seeing this as an extra day off. I suspect if you explained that you were going to do something with the time such as take up or progress a hobby, volunteer, actually do something productive then they wouldn't mind but it sounds as though you will be lolling around their home and that can be annoying.
Maybe use the time to look for a new place to stay and thank them for supporting you thus far ?

Bournetilly · 02/09/2024 18:34

YABU, you need to move out. Considering going nc with them over this is extremely dramatic.

AllyArty · 02/09/2024 18:35

whilst you will always be your parents child, you are an adult. And I know how difficult it is for 20/30 somethings to afford to rent or buy so could you afford a house share? I’m not sure how much rent you pay your parents but I get that you feel that you are entitled to be there as it is your home too but they own it so at the end of the day they call the shots. I think you are overreacting about going NC regardless of where you live.

OhcantthInkofaname · 02/09/2024 18:45

I'd move out. It would take no time at all for them to be begging you to come visit. Then you make your choice. You don't have enough free time to come visit.

Londonrach1 · 02/09/2024 18:46

HoppityBun · 01/09/2024 10:14

Definitely move out and what you do in your spare time is up to you. But to banish them from your entire life for the rest of theirs is melodramatic. You’d regret it. Just make your own life.

This!

MrsPositivity1 · 02/09/2024 18:47

Why don't you move out into a house share?

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 02/09/2024 18:48

I mean they sound batshit but I wouldn’t go NC. Just make moving out a priority.

AnnieSnap · 02/09/2024 18:51

Betyouthinkthissongisaboutyou · 01/09/2024 10:18

23 move out asap. No drama.

This ☝️ You need to be starting your own life. Why on earth would you cut your parents out if your life because you disagree? 🙄 Also, how do you go nc when you are living in their house? 😂🤣

Thetrainsarecoming · 02/09/2024 18:51

Do you contribute to looking after the house / chores at all? It sounds like they’re irritated about something and I’d guess if you’re not pulling your weight around the house, they’re rolling their eyes cos they’ve got another day of clearing up around you.

You do appear to have an entitled view … that your dad puts his feet up cos he’s retired therefore you should do the same. You are 23! Hes likely done his time working for the past 45 years and it’s his time to chill out a bit with your mum. Maybe try having a reasonable discussion to understand what is fuelling this instead of going NC. Your reaction is quite telling.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 02/09/2024 18:52

No I wouldn't go NC but I can understand why you're upset, I would be too.

I'm sure the reality of it will really be a lot less "disruptive" than they think. You sleep in a bit, then maybe get up and do some chores or errands, then even if you're there in the evenings that's the same as normal, surely?

Don't you have any friends to go out with?

diddl · 02/09/2024 18:54

What would you being at home another day entail?

I barely see mine when they are here!

Cosycover · 02/09/2024 18:54

The parent/child dynamic on here is absolutely mental to me.

I'm 37 and my mum would take me back just now without a second thought.

My own children are welcome in the family house forever. Any age. Any time. It's their house.

23 is still very young! I have cousins older who still live at home. And they are welcomed there...because you know...its their house 🤷‍♀️

Shodan · 02/09/2024 18:54

You could pick up a second job on your day off, surely. Then you'll be out of the way AND be able to save quicker for a place of your own.

Win win.

Toptotoe · 02/09/2024 18:57

MrsSunshine2b · 01/09/2024 14:25

You're not a child in their home.
You're 23.

It sounds like they would rather not have a 3rd adult living in the house, especially not hanging about for 3 days a week.
It's not unusual for a retired couple to want to do their own thing and live their own lives. It's a little bit odd that at 23 you do not want to do your own thing and live your own life.

Show quote history

This