Would you go nc with your parents for this

[giantcolouringbook]

I am 23(f) and work f/t my company have been offering compresses hours which I have happily accepted bearing in mind I get paid the same and do the same hours but an extra day off plus weekends.
I excitedly told my parents this and they are furious saying that I should have discussed it with them first as it affects them too.
They've also said if I'm going to be home an extra day of in the week I need to do something with it and not just hang around the house.
My dad is retired and spends every day hanging around the house doing nothing.
Aibu to think a) this has nothing to do with them and b) I shouldn't be told to go out and do something when I am looking forward to an extra down day at home doing exactly what my dad does?
I am of course looking to move out asap but would you think there was any coming back from this or should I just move on never look back.

I find it interesting that you suggest going NC with your parents. A lot of ppl here state that your reaction is OTT over this, but its your reaction nevertheless. Maybe this is the camel that broke the straws back so to speak. Maybe there a bunch of other behaviours they do that you are finding increasingly hard to tolerate anymore. You're 23 , I absolutely couldn't live with my parents at that age and I moved out at 23 interestingly too. Mine had to have a say in EVERTHING I did ,didnt do. on everyone I saw and didn't see .....u get the picture

You sound horrible and ungrateful.

Someone wrote this about you in an earlier post. You dont sound like that to me at all. You are allowed to state your opinion too. Good luck!

You want to act from here on in, for the rest of their lives, as though you have no parents? You want to ignore them at birthdays and have them ignore yours, spend every Christmas elsewhere. For them not to be at your wedding if you have one, or be grandparents to your children if you have them. To forego all possibilities of any support, practical, emotional of financial for the rest of their lives. To not be informed if they are ill or die and obviously, to inherit nothing from them? Because that's what 'no contact' means. It's not something to do, for a bit, to show you're cross, like storming off to your room. It means cutting the person from your life, and accepting that that could well be final.

Such double standards and misogyny on MN. There’s a thread where a 24 year old (NT) man is constantly hovering over his mum in her house and criticising her and posters are telling her to hide in her bedroom.

And yet, OP, who is nearly the same age, is being told to move out and that she’ ungrateful.

OP, I’d suggest that you talk to your parents. If you’re paying rent, offer to pay a bit more. If you want to move out that’s fine, but if you can stay and save money for a deposit to buy a property that would be so much better for you.

People need space from each other, period. Even super happy couples still need space from each other. It doesn't mean they don't love you, or they don't want to be your parents.

If your Dad wants a bit more space from you, that might sting a bit but that's his perogative.

Time to move out I think. Going NC is completely over-dramatic and you won't cope in the real world unless you adjust your expectations - the world doesn't owe you a favour.

I have no issue with the OP going NC with her parents if she thinks it is the right thing to do. If this is the only incident, it is OTT however. If it's the longest in a long series of incidents of OP seeking approval and being treated negatively, this might be the final straw.

The issue I do have is that I think OP would be using NC to punish her parents, rather than as it is normally intended which is to protect the mental health of the NC person. People going NC also generally try other strategies first - and there is no suggestion that OP has done that.

A person going NC in OP's situation would be hiring a van and moving themselves out as soon as possible, even if it meant sofa surfing at friends' houses while they find somewhere more permanent. They would not be continuing to live at their parents house for some unspecified future time frame while it suits them to do so, and only starting NC when their parents are no longer of immediate help.

You are massively overrating.

I don't understand the obsession with rent - it sounds like what the OP's parents want is not money but a bit of space.

It's one thing living with an adult child who has a normal social life and goes away at the weekend sometimes etc and quite another living with one who wants to socialise with you all the time

Wow, "massive" overreaction (on your part OP!) doesn't even begin to describe it.

It sounds so ridiculous that I'm wondering if it's not a fake post.

My stance has been exactly the same on every single post of adult children living a home. No double standard at all.

There does seem to be less of the dysfunctional 'I would put myself in an early grave so my darlings never have to even know they where born. Even if they are 80 and I'm 110 they will never have to grow up at all' cries on here but thats likely because it the kid posting not the parent.

Those people are posting to say what selfless amazing martyr mothers they are, its not actually about the children at all and most of them do not actually do any of that. They just want to put other parents down by pretending they are utterly selfless in a virtue signalling way not actually bolster entitled kids clearly having a tantrum.

If the father posted they would probably worm their way out to tell him how much better at parenting they are though and how he is a shit parent for not devoting 24/7 to his precious child.

Its nothing to do with money its entirely to do with breathing spaces, she is in their faces constantly and demands attention while doings it... they are tired and just want to relax.

If OP wants to keep living there she should do as they say and bugger off out so they can enjoy some personal time in THEIR house/space that they worked a lifetime to buy for that purpose.

They probably don't want increased rent they want her to use that money to fly the nest.

OP, I’d suggest that you talk to your parents. If you’re paying rent, offer to pay a bit more. If you want to move out that’s fine, but if you can stay and save money for a deposit to buy a property that would be so much better for you.

Why do you think it's got anything to do with paying rent?

It's not healthy for a 23 year old to work four days a week and spend all their free time hanging about with their retired parents, with just the "occasional" trip to the gym. Your twenties are when you spread your wings, travel, visit different parts of the country, date, try new hobbies, learn to drive, find yourself.

I lived at home on and off throughout my twenties but I didn't spend all my free time expecting my parents to entertain me or spend time with me. OP's attitude stinks.

You're 23, you need to leave home.
I left home at 18 to go to university, yes I went home in the holidays but after graduation at 21 I lived independently, I went to work in London where I knew absolutely no one, found a flat share, made my own life. My children did the same, as did all my nephews and nieces and all my friends' children. Not one of them was living at home at the age of 23.
All the parents, while loving and missing their children, definitely enjoyed having the house to themselves after years of children at home.
I love my children and said they would always have a home with me if they needed. By that I meant if there was some kind of crisis in their life, not to permanently be living there in their twenties. My daughter did in fact live with me for about 18 months after a marriage breakdown, that was quite hard for both of us as we had both got used to running our homes how we wanted.
Maybe your father wants to potter by himself on that day with no one else around, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it means he wants some time alone.
As for going no contact over this, that's absolutely ridiculous. It sounds like you would benefit from learning some discussion and conflict resolution techniques, which would help you with other personal relationships in your life, instead of being melodramatic and flying off the handle if someone says something you don't like.

Yes you should have discussed it. They are retired and still putting up with you. Are you going to hang around for 3 full days? That would drive me insane if I was retired.

I hate when this tripe is trotted out. Your 20s are for doing whatever you want to, not what other people think you should be doing.

Unless there is a (huge!) back story (of actual abuse), of course not!

Probably time for you to take it as a not so subtle hint that it’s time for you to move out, but keep in contact with your DP, like a normal adult!

So never speak to them ever again over that!
Sorry OP that is totally dramatic.
I get your Dad's point you are grown adult living in their home and you being around for an extra day will impact on them.

I take it you have a terrible relationship with your parents…..?

Well, sure, but you typically can't "do whatever you want to do" while living in someone else's house.

If OP wants to just sit at home all the time, she can find her own place.

I am increasingly reading that parents are feeling fed up that their kids are not moving on with their own lives and moving out after college/uni etc and outstaying their welcome. As horrible as that must feel, I wonder if they are in that space and were hoping to get a bit of peace and freedom from you now you have grown up and gotten a job. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you but maybe it’s time to get your own place?

I wouldn’t like being told I can’t work a four day week by my parents, it may be better to think about getting your own place so you can potter or do what you want in peace.

I wouldn’t like being told I can’t work a four day week by my parents, it may be better to think about getting your own place so you can potter or do what you want in peace.

This is kind of what I've been trying to say, I think.

Of course OP can spend her twenties doing whatever she likes, but at the same time, you can't necessarily expect to do whatever you want while you're living in someone else's home.

I'm a real homebody now (in my thirties) but I wouldn't have felt comfortable just loitering about my parents' house three days a week while benefiting from cheap rent etc. I'd have felt like I was massively taking the piss out of them, tbh.

Are you 23 or 12? It's like someone asked ChatGPT what a bratty teenager pretending to be in their twenties would say.

What a nasty little person to use your parents for food and board for who knows how many years you're planning to do this before spitefully and maliciously going NC when you eventually move out at what, 25? 28? How long are you going to hold onto this pathetic little grudge before exacting your emotional revenge on them?

Of course they don't want to spend more time with such a spiteful ungrateful scrounger.

Their response was harsh but yours also. They want their house to themselves now that they have retired and this is their time to do with as they please. To you your dad does nothing all day. To him, he has worked all his life and he has the option of doing bugger all if he pleases so let him do just that, he’s earned it. You haven’t the right to question his choices in his retirement and in his own home. I don’t think many relish the thought of spending their retirement still with their kids underfoot and at home. I know more and more adult children are still living with their parents due to housing and the costs associated with buying and renting, I get that and as a parent I’d expect to have mine at home for longer when the time comes unless things improve. Your parents have put a shift in parenthood and work wise and want their time back. Why wouldn’t they? Just them again, how it all began before they married and had children. Whilst you’re living with them you still have the parent/child vibe going on and it’s evident it’s not working and winding all of you up. You need to move out.

They are being harsh and I do feel sorry for you. However, if you’re in a position to move out then i definitely would. Good luck.

Their house, their rules. Move out