Would you go nc with your parents for this

[giantcolouringbook]

I am 23(f) and work f/t my company have been offering compresses hours which I have happily accepted bearing in mind I get paid the same and do the same hours but an extra day off plus weekends.
I excitedly told my parents this and they are furious saying that I should have discussed it with them first as it affects them too.
They've also said if I'm going to be home an extra day of in the week I need to do something with it and not just hang around the house.
My dad is retired and spends every day hanging around the house doing nothing.
Aibu to think a) this has nothing to do with them and b) I shouldn't be told to go out and do something when I am looking forward to an extra down day at home doing exactly what my dad does?
I am of course looking to move out asap but would you think there was any coming back from this or should I just move on never look back.

Yes, I agree with @GreyCarpet, you’ll always have a home with us means that if you really need it you can always come home. Think some kind of crisis (health, relationships, money, landlord) or some kind of plan to study or save really hard for a deposit. Not “we’d be delighted if you moved in indefinitely at 23 years old with no apparent plan to leave and then announced you’d have a full extra day at home”.

Don’t take this personally, I sure they love you, they just really really want a bit of quiet time and space by the sounds of it.

I've reread all your posts and I can't see anywhere that suggests your parents think you should move out or that their home is not your home.
They are simply saying that they would like their own space sometimes.

What do you do when you are there in the evening and weekends? Do you sit in your room and watch TV, or are you always in a communal space? Do you really think that families have to spend all their time doing things together?

Maybe have a look over at Relationships and see how adult children who have actually gone NC with their parents have been treated by them. Unless there is some huge backstory that you have totally omitted to tell, your parents sound like they have been very good to you.

think it's unfair to say I should not get any support as a young adult because they want to enjoy their retirement when other people live at home and don't get treated this way by their family.

My son moved out at 22, I think.

I enjoy his company and, when he comes to visit, I'm reminded of how much fun we had and how well we get on. Does that mean I want him there all the time? No. Does that mean I never want to spend an evening alone with my partner? No. Does that mean I wish he hung around my house for 3 days a week? No. Does that mean I don't support him? No. Did he want to spend all his time with me and regard himself as a child? No.

You seem to be suggesting that your optiobs are stay pite the friction or move out and then go no contact?
You work full time, why can't you look to move out at 2£ years old and then still have some level of contact with your parents?

You seem to be suggesting that your options are either stay living at your parents despite the friction or move out and go no contact

Why can't you just move out since you are in full time employment? Then you all have your own space, and can see each other as much or as little as works for you as a family?

The NC thing sounds dramatic.

Wanting some space doesn't mean they're not giving you support.

You still live at home which is considerable support itself.

This.

At 23 I would have taken on another shift somewhere else to get that deposit.

At 23 I had left home six years and was renting and working all the hours sent to get some savings together.

Another whole day would have been a gift on a plate.

You sound horrible and ungrateful. Move out. Your parents can probably sense the distain that you have for them. God forbid your dad spend his day at his home the way he wants to.

You come across as a petulant teenager.
Although you still live in the family home, you are not a child, but an adult who needs to carve out your own life.
I think you need to move out and be independent, at the moment you sound too dependent on them

Unfortunately, life is not fair.
How other families are doesn't change how yours is.
How other parents feel doesn't change how yours feel.

You have to work with what you've got and what you've got is parents who want, it seems, you to move out and become independent.

It doesn't seem like they want family fun time at the weekends or to give you lots of time and attention.

That's sad, imo. But it is what it is.

You can't demand people behave how you want them to.

This thread has made me laugh.

I thought the NC whilst living at home with them was funny, but actually I think the 'obviously I meant NC when I eventually move out' is even funnier 😂

@Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast

its not sad- op is 23 she should be out and about at the weekends, not having “family time” with her parents!

@giantcolouringbook I’d be embarrassed to be living at home at 23.
and whining about my parents on top of it?
If you can afford to pay your own way the. Go and do it somewhere else.

God you're bratty.

The words you are looking for is:

'Thank you mam & dad, thank you for letting me stay here for 5 years longer than you had too purely for my own sake even though you had any obligation too and even though its a inevitably a burden on your finances and effected your lifestyle'.

Your entitled attitude shows everyone why your parents are sick of you, if you where a touch more gracious and humble then maybe they would actually enjoy your company and having you around.

Imo means in my opinion and it is my opinion that it's sad if parents never want to spend fun time with their adult children.

You can say it's not sad in your opinion but you can't tell me it's not sad in mine.

Gosh, you're definitely your parents daughter! All as melodramatic as each other!

On the face of it it does seem like they are being a little mean and selfish but is it perhaps your parents like their routine and you've just thrown them a big curveball, and they're a bit irritated with you still living at home in the first place? Some people find changes to routine really upsetting and distressing, things that others don't even bat an eyelid too. Some people find it hard to understand different working routines that aren't the traditional Mon-Fri 9-5 of old.

I expect you'll all get used to a new rhythm in time, sounds like you all need to calm down, take some time to digest and stop all being so selfish and dramatic! But definitely try your best to move out at 23. You may find it improves your relationship with your parents.

OP they are being a bit unkind. I get their need and want to enjoy their retirement. BUT as you say, you have a place at home too. It’s your comment about even considering going NC whether it’s after you leave home or not. It’s totally OTT. I get that you’re hurt so have a chat with them .
I have one adult DD still at home- she’s 20. She does her own thing and also spends time with us as a family. I cook and she does one night. We spend time together but also apart. They are being cool and distant but did this happen overnight or have they always been this way? Do you have siblings?

@Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast

i get what you mean but it sounds like OP is relying on her parents solely for any kind of social outlet, and that’s not fair on them

Do you actually share any of the household duties?
Do you pay the going rent?

Do they understand the idea of compressed hours?
Does it affect them in anyway?
For example:
Change of meal times?
Change of pick up times?
Will you be in the house when they have guests or do an activity or actually have time together?

Probably, time to move out.

Don't hold your breathe waiting for a response Jenny

They do sound annoying but going NC sounds OTT.

my son has been around all summer as he’s left school and tbh he potters around doing his own thing it barely has any impact on me whether he’s home or not

Your extreme reaction to something very reasonable from them tells me that YOU are the problem.
Off course your father can do what he wants in HIS house.

OP has failed to even basically grow up.

She has forged no personal friendships of her own, doesn't leave the house but expects her parents to cater too and entertain her constantly in lieu of that.

It is straight up not fair to them. OP needs to grow up and move on and she will likely see her relationship with her parents improve if she does as well as developing new relationships.

Parents are parents, they do not have to be 'friends' with their kids. Its nice if they grow up to be friendly adults (which they can't do if one adult acts like an little child they have to parent still) but parents and kids can also sometimes just have wildly different personalities and not enjoy the same things.

Just because your blood doesn't even mean you have to like each other never mind thinking it means you have to be besties who spend all you time together in each others pockets. That not healthy at all.

Over dependence and clinginess is utterly suffocating.

I also guarantee someone with OPs personality has FOMO and a complete lack of awareness. Like little kids who refuse to go to bed because their parents are still up and they think they have an entitlement to be involved in that. Or kids that constantly try to join in private adult conversations with wildly unrelated things because they don't understand whats even being talked about.

If her parents invite friends around for a cup of tea and catch up or have a dinner party one night etc... I bet good money OP is the type that just saddles in blind and plonks herself down or grabs a plate and starts talking not taking any hint that she wasn't invited because they're not her friends and they don't want to entertain a frankly childish 23 year old.

Like if Mabel who popped round for support from her long standing friend might not want to go into the details of Colin's colonoscopy results for prostate cancer in front of a oblivious 23 year old who is eating jammy dodgers and now babbling on non stop about love island and the sweaty guy who didn't wipe down the machine at the gym as if Mabel came to catch up on her life.

Swingers club 🤣🤣🤣