Would you go nc with your parents for this

[giantcolouringbook]

I am 23(f) and work f/t my company have been offering compresses hours which I have happily accepted bearing in mind I get paid the same and do the same hours but an extra day off plus weekends.
I excitedly told my parents this and they are furious saying that I should have discussed it with them first as it affects them too.
They've also said if I'm going to be home an extra day of in the week I need to do something with it and not just hang around the house.
My dad is retired and spends every day hanging around the house doing nothing.
Aibu to think a) this has nothing to do with them and b) I shouldn't be told to go out and do something when I am looking forward to an extra down day at home doing exactly what my dad does?
I am of course looking to move out asap but would you think there was any coming back from this or should I just move on never look back.

Hi OP,

Your parents sound like they've been unkind but I think it's probably coming from an old school view that people should be working 5 days regardless and extra time off is just laziness.

It's definitely unkind. I'd be delighted for my son or daughter if this was the case. Congrats to you.

I think in the back of their minds they are worried about you, at 23, being cooped up at home 3 days out of 5 when you should be out living your young life.

It's probably time for you to move out, but in the meantime, maybe there are some small things you can do usefully to help? Mow the lawn, any painting they need done, take some stuff to the tip?

Once you move out, please don't go no contact! They are flawed but they are your parents. As a mum i know that none of us get it all right. We are all only doing what we think is best, for right or wrong. They love you and they have allowed you to stay home until 23 so that's something. My parents have got a lot wrong in life as well, but basically raised me well and for that they should be appreciated.

Do you have friends, hobbies, etc? You sound to me to be very much a "homebody" and at 23, your parents likely think you need to develop more of a life for yourself. If my child at 23 was still living at home and spending a lot of time there, I wouldn't be terribly thrilled that they were going to have an additional day of hanging around the house.

Move out. It'll be the making of you.

Perhaps OP might clarify but I think there's a difference between never wanting to do things with your adult child and feeling compelled to always being doing family activities.

My adult DS (similar age to OP, also lives with me) and I go out for coffee and cake and a walk and chat once a week or so. We normally have a lovely time. However, if he suggested we did it more often, I would politely decline.

Ha my mind went to the same place @TheRozzers thanks for a much needed LOL moment there

@giantcolouringbook

Have you taken on board anything posters have said about 'doing your share'? If you feel you already do your share, exactly what are you doing?

I personally feel like this is a heartless and unnecessary way to treat a child in their home

But you are NOT a 'child', you are an adult. And TBH I and probably quite a few posters had household 'chores' growing up such as dusting, doing dishes, hoovering, or mowing the lawn etc. It's how a child learns how to clean/keep house and to 'do a share'. These are things we take with us into adulthood. If your parents didn't teach you this via chores then I am sorry. But it's time you learnt it now.

@AcrossthePond55 where did op say she did not help around the house or do chores.

I don't think the thread is derailed b/c people think you are going NC while living with them. I think people are clearly trying to tell you this is a minor argument/disagreement and going NC with parents over it, is an extreme and nor appropriate reaction.

The reality is, it does impact them. When my eldest started sixth form she was around much more and it did change the dynamic. That's not a problem, but it does change things. Maybe they are enjoying their retirement and having the place to themselves? maybe they find having you live there as an adult hard? Many retired people do, it doesn't mean they don't love you. Do you pay rent and do equal chores?

It's time to move out. You are 23, have a job (well done!) and you can now rent somewhere or get flatmates and have a good relationship with your parents where they have their space and you have yours.

You’ve had one small dosage with your parents and you’re wanting to go NC with them while still living in their house? Talk it over with them and find out what it is that’s bothering them, and if it’s not going to work out then move out. You don’t have to cut contact over it though.

I do find that odd - as I'd hope my kids will always be welcome and tend to like a full house at the moment.

I don't think it's just about her living at home, though, it's about her being 23 and having no life other than work and "occasionally going to the gym".

Most parents want more for their adult children than that - I lived at home in my twenties for a while, but I worked, learned to drive, spent time with my friends, dated, went for weekends away or on days out, and generally had a "life" outside of their house.

There's a big difference between an adult child living with you and leading an otherwise fulfilled life, and an adult child working 4 days a week but doing practically nothing else.

I think its ok to live with parents at 23yold even when you finished education and started to work. It doesnt sound like it is working in this case though. Difficult to tell which side is possibly unreasonable. It could easily be the case that the child is difficult to live with, and vice versa, and anything in between.

I would expect them to tell you in a nice way if they want you to move out or be less present in the house though.

Grow up and move out. Your parents must be longing for their own space. Extraordinary to refer to yourself as a child at 23 🙄

@giantcolouringbook if what you're missing is spending quality time with your parents then there are ways around that - you could tell them. You could suggest a day out somewhere, or take them out for a meal one evening.

It's easy to miss quality time together when you're in each other's pockets and it's nice that you want to enjoy their company.

Why do you think that they’re upset by this change? There has to be a reason-do you not really get on with them?

Maybe, maybe not. If OP rarely goes out, maybe she won't meet anyone to have children with.

To me, it just sounds like a couple who are probably similar age to me or a little older, who have had enough of a young adult hanging round every evening trying to get them to do the things they should be doing with friends their own age. They sound at the end of their tether that OP has decided to have another day off to hang around with them not living her life to the full when they want their space and freedom back. It is not an unreasonable desire from them. Most parents want their children to grow up and live independently of them. It doesn't mean they aren't delighted to have them visit regularly or look after their grandchildren sometimes. It is the next phase of life, and OP sounds stuck in 'child mode', which must be really frustrating for her parents to watch. When they suggest she should do something with her extra day, she throes a strop and sees this as something she can't come back from. It is massively immature.

Op sounds like you might enjoy a sociable house share?

in the meantime, start volunteering or join some clubs in the evenings. You can’t expect your parents to be your social life when you’re in your 20s.

YABU

Find a house share, OP. You’re at that age where living with parents can be a bit testing for all concerned. You can visit and meet often.

I’m sure they still love you, but probably they would quite like to have their own space back. As I’m sure you would also like your own space, too.

Going non-contact is unnecessary. I’m sure you’ll all get along much better and enjoy the time you spend together more when you’re not under each other’s feet.

I suspect their panties may be in a bundle because there is more to this than meets the eye. I’d really like to hear their side of the story before making any judgement about who’s in the right.

I think you really need to remember this. They raised you. Now they want their own time. It's absolutely fair.

As a parent of young children, I find it thoroughly depressing to think that they could get to 23 and still be mooching around the house all day and whining that I am not playing with them enough

This. I had my own home and two kids by that age. I’m not saying that’s the way to go, but OP needs to grow up and find her own independence. 🙄

Adults in a shared home consult each other about changes in routine and schedule to check it works for everyone in the household. That was your first oversight. A husband or wife consult each other, for example.

^This^

I am a parent with 2 adult dc still living at home aged 29 and 18. One works 12 hour shifts, a mix of days and nights, weekdays and weekends, sometimes from home, sometimes in the office. The other works 9-5.30 Monday to Friday and occasional Saturday’s. Ds2 (27) only moved out last year after saving money and buying a house and I want to give the others the opportunity to do the same. I love my children dearly but It’s really hard juggling meal times to suit everyone and keeping quiet at appropriate times to allow for others sleeping.

I would say It also depends on how much space you have at home. We are lucky to have a downstairs bedroom with en-suite so the boys have upstairs to themselves, 2 bedrooms, an office and a shower room so apart from the kitchen, they are “self contained” and I cook all the evening meals so that we don’t get in each other’s way. In a smaller house I’m not sure it would work. Fortunately neither of them are very interested in “family time”.

You WBVU to go no contact with your parents over this but it does sound as if the time is coming for you to look for your own place for everyone’s sake.

And it comes round so much quicker than you’d believe!

Gosh! No one on MN would be able to voice an opinion on most of the threads if we all took your sensible approach.