Would you go nc with your parents for this

[giantcolouringbook]

I am 23(f) and work f/t my company have been offering compresses hours which I have happily accepted bearing in mind I get paid the same and do the same hours but an extra day off plus weekends.
I excitedly told my parents this and they are furious saying that I should have discussed it with them first as it affects them too.
They've also said if I'm going to be home an extra day of in the week I need to do something with it and not just hang around the house.
My dad is retired and spends every day hanging around the house doing nothing.
Aibu to think a) this has nothing to do with them and b) I shouldn't be told to go out and do something when I am looking forward to an extra down day at home doing exactly what my dad does?
I am of course looking to move out asap but would you think there was any coming back from this or should I just move on never look back.

There must be some back story?

You need to move out and grow up. You might be 23 but you write like an entitled 16yo.

The reason that people typically go NC is to protect their mental health.

One remark from your parents (and no suggestion that this is part of a pattern) does not sound like this is your case. If it was, frankly, you would not be living with them and you would not be looking for ways to spend extra days with them.

You can of course choose to go no contact for any reason or no reason, but you should be aware that it's pretty hard going to cut off your birth family, particularly as it sounds like you don't have many connections outside..

It seems to me that this should be a cue to develop more of an adult/adult relationship with your parents - I suspect you are still stuck in more of child/adult relationship.

I don't drink either but I go out in the evening - I go to friends' houses or go out for meals with them, I also belong to a walking group that has weekend and evening walks. Why not use your extra time to take up something new?

No ... you're being ridiculous. Just move out!

@giantcolouringbook

evenings are not just for relaxing after work. People go to gym, socialise, supermarket, do chores, etc etc in the evenings. You don’t need to be home every evening getting under your parents feet.

oh and you’re not a child.

Relaxing at home after work is something you do in your fifties.
60/70s plus is relaxing in your own home in peace.
20s? No. Best years of one's life. Go out, have fun, do stuff.

Not everyone loves socialising, shocking as it seems.
Some people quite like staying at home, whatever the home may be. I knew a lot of people at uni who didnt really go out and didnt like being forced to- maybe OP is like that too. It's not a worse life, just different.

I try to do things as a family but they always want to do their own thing, even in the evening.I personally feel like this is a heartless and unnecessary way to treat a child in their home but I'm prepared to accept most people disagree with me and that's fine.

This is really want I was getting at.

They want you to spread your wings as much as anything. They don't want to spend lots of time doing things as a family, they want you to have your own life.

I love my children but I want to have my own life now too. That's not unkind - but I've been a parent for nearly 25 years! My daughter is moving away to university in a few weeks. Due to the course and employment rates by the end of it, she is unlikely to over back home. It's certainly not on the cards. I'd be happy for her to do so but not indefinitely.

I'm looking forward to having a bit of time and space to myself. Your parents probably feel similarly tbh.

You're not a child and you haven't been one for a long time.

'I try to do things as a family but they always want to do their own thing'

Have you not been able to take the hint from this? They want to do their own thing. That is completely normal. And allowed. Listen to what they want rather than just what you want.

What a funny family you seem.

You need to move out. They’ve had it. You work FT. They’re not quite as excited at the prospect of an extra day of your company as you seem to think.

When she gets her own place, she can spend as much time hanging about there as she likes.

But in the meantime, she's 23 and her parents don't want her hanging about all the time, which is 100% fair enough - and if she doesn't want to socialise, I'm sure she can find plenty of other things to do with her time.

I'm also not particularly sociable and spend a lot of time at home - the difference is it's my house and I can do whatever I like in it. If OP wants the freedom of being an adult then she needs to fund that herself, not depend on her parents.

Honestly OP move out. Maybe get a second job.

It might be the case that your parents don’t understand compressed hours and think that you are willingly taking a pay cut. My parents didn’t understand the modern world of work and got very cross when I took annual leave. They insisted it would jeopardise my position and my telling them for years that it was use it or lose it fell on deaf ears.

My dm also thought one should only book annual leave in blocks of fortnights and again, spent years insisting I would be fired. She also used to say I needed to be “careful” about expressing opinions or again, I’d be fired. I’d reached a fairly senior level by then so the buck often stopped with me. Not. A. Clue.

But you're not a child.
You are their child but you're not a child.
You're an adult and it sounds like they want you to move out.

They should be nicer about it. They ought to be encouraging you to move out in a supportive way.

You're their child, but you're not a child. Your parents just want their own house to themselves sometimes. It's normal to look forward to that when your children reach adulthood.

How have they treated you throughout your life? If your reaction to this is to go NC, I'd imagine there's something else going on?

It's not nice to be told this by your parents, but it's their home and from the sounds of it, they want their space back.

It's interesting as I come from a country where people leave home a lot later- and we usually dont start our twenties with 40k of debt for degree and living expenses.
I also know of quite a few people in the UK who still live at home or who in the past didnt study in another city and lived with their parents, saved up a lot more money and got on a property ladder quicker than many of those who spend thousands and thousands on crap uni accomodation, house shares etc.

I find in Mumsnet there is this funny thing- sometiems at 25 you're still 'young' and sometimes people consider you old, experienced and someone who should have moved out at 16. But then when convenient at 16 you are an adult, But at 19 when convenient again you are still a developing young person. So depending on the thread you are either too young or too old.

OP is paying her way through in her house. Her parents sound a bit like dicks. If her dad wants to watch TV what does he care she sits in her room listening to music or makes a sandwich in the kitchen, unless his hobby is dancing naked to Flashdance, then maybe, yeah.

That still means I'm at work 4 days.
I try to do things as a family but they always want to do their own thing, even in the evening.
I personally feel like this is a heartless and unnecessary way to treat a child in their home-

@giantcolouringbook Having read this recent update, I have to say that it sounds very likely, that you are, in fact, not willing to grow up and behave like an adult, but still looking to be treated as if you are still a child.

No matter how much we love our children, we do our best to prepare them to become independent as they reach adulthood. It isn't at all normal for a 23 year old to be expecting to get their company all or most of the time from their parents, which is what you seem to be doing.

If you are constantly invading their space in the Living room, watching the main or only TV and trying to get them to have lots of 'Family Time' then I am not surprised that they aren't happy. That isn't their daily 'role' any more and you shouldn't be expecting them to do that still. You are now an adult and not a child and should be giving them some consideration.

As others have said, it would actually be the best thing for you to move out and learn to be independent. The fact you are talking about going NC after you move out, indicates a great deal of immaturity, not to mention you come across as very selfish and spoiled, I'm sorry to say as I'm sure that's not what you wanted to hear

Your parent have spent 23 years bringing you up, running round after you as a child and are now wanting to enjoy their retirement; while you are encouraging them to do family things at the weekend.
Do you help with household chores, making meals etc?
My kids are now 18 and 15 I love the fact that they now spend some time out with friends etc, and I have more 'me' time, doesn't mean I love them any less. I just enjoy my time doing stuff that I have put on hold while bringing them up.
My parents both died a few years ago and I miss them everyday, don't contemplate going nc on something so trivial, unless there is more to the story.

Move out and you will find your relationship with parents will improve. Have a look at Rightmove straight away1

Youre in no position to go N/C with parents you still live with! Grow up!

Maybe you're NOT awfully welcome, long term. Have you considered how hard it is for them to still have an adult child in their home? Everything seems to be about your feelings but what about theirs? Maybe Dad just wants a quiet life in retirement - there's nothing wrong with that.

Maybe the hint they're giving is that they need you to hurry up and move out? It sounds like you are around them a lot if they are resisting time together in the evenings and have to state that they just want to do 'their own thing'. Are you a lot to be around? Do you talk a lot? Do you monopolise the TV? Do you help with the cooking and cleaning?

You don't mention seeing friends at all. Are you struggling socially and perhaps pressuring your parents to fill your time a bit too much? Would you potentially be better starting a new hobby or maybe joining a sports team so you meet new people and get to socialise more?Maybe they're worried about you and the harsh words are a (somewhat clumsy) attempt to push you into going out and enjoying life a bit more?

I think you might need to have a bit of an assessment of your life, OP.

As for going NC with them over this, that would be a staggering over reaction. All they've done is give you an opinion and a new house rule - this is in no way a reason to cut them off long term!

Give them time to calm down then talk to them about it. Ask them what their concerns are and try to come to a compromise.

OP, I really don't think you're listening to what some people are saying. My daughter is in her early 30s and moved back in with us in April. Her husband is still working overseas, so most of the time she is here on her own. She currently works in another city for two days per week with a three hour commute, and works from home for the other three days. I love my daughter with all my heart and would do anything for her. But she left home to start her own life several years ago, and my husband is now retired, whilst I am only working part time. Now we are older, we are very set in our ways and we have got used to the way we live. Like your father, my husband spends much of his time pottering around the house and garden and what seems like 'just watching TV and pottering around the garden' is your father's way of life, but you seem to be belittling this.

I don't think you can begin to understand how disruptive it can be to have an adult child living in your home when you get to retirement age. I would do anything for my daughter, and completely reorganised our upstairs rooms to accommodate her and her husband, but that doesn't mean it's easy to live with her in our house as an adult, and if she changed her work pattern, thst would have an impact on my working practice and my husband's pottering.

Try understanding how your parents feel - they have worked all their lives and deserve to live in whatever way they choose now that they are of retirement age. And try showing them some respect - they don't have to put up with your sense of entitlement and lack of consideration at your age.

Sweet lord no. I dunno about any one else but I am wrecked when I come home from work
and was in my twenties too. get home cook dinner and walk dogs prepare for next day. when you are not home till 6 or 7 sometimes from work you don't have much time to do anything in evenings. I love relaxing in my home after work