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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is too early for a house guest to get up?

404 replies

morningbbrew · 31/08/2024 20:59

My husband's sister and her husband are staying over for the weekend. They don't have children we have two young teens but they are both at friends this weekend.

DBIL has just gone to bed and cheerily announced as he did that he would be going out for a run at 6.00am and would bring a key (they have a spare as they house sit sometimes). Plus he casually mentioned something about making a smoothie beforehand so it actually sounds like he's getting up at more like 5.30am.

Neither DH or I are confrontational and so we both just sort of sat there shocked. But I am just not sure what to say. Our house isn't tiny but equally I am pretty sure all his getting ready etc is going to mean we wake up. And weekend lie ins are rare with two kids and associated activities!

I mean I guess he could be joking but he's not really that kind of person. His wife (DH sister) is normally quite sensible and she didn't seem at all embarrassed about it which is making me worry we are the weird ones for being a bit horrified!

OP posts:
RickyGervaislovesdogs · 01/09/2024 08:18

Did you he wake you up OP? Did he make the smoothie?

Original poster
morningbbrew · 01/09/2024 08:18

IVbumble · 01/09/2024 08:17

I'd have made the smoothie for him - just as he'd got off to sleep.

Grin
OP posts:
alrightluv · 01/09/2024 08:19

He sounds extremely self entitled.

Original poster
morningbbrew · 01/09/2024 08:20

Gawjus · 01/09/2024 07:13

As these people are your close relatives and not, for example, guests in your hotel or something I can't understand why on earth you would come on to Mumsnet instead of just looking him straight in the face and saying "that's absolutely fine, so long as you don't wake us up, and that means you won't be able to use the blender in the morning."

I've already said several times that he said it as he was leaving the room to go to bed- giving us no chance to respond . And that it took us a while to process that he really had said that.

OP posts:
Peachy2005 · 01/09/2024 08:20

Kick him out, never invite him again. Clearly woke everyone on purpose as revenge for not being allowed use the blender! Sorry you got no lie-in 🥲

Flavabobble · 01/09/2024 08:24

Depends entirely on what your house is like. In my rather small house I wouldn't hear anything going on in the kitchen unless I was already awake with my door open. If it would wake you up it's unreasonable.

increasinglyconcerned · 01/09/2024 08:25

morningbbrew · 01/09/2024 08:18

Morning, sorry, I should have realised there would be people waiting for an update Grin

He didn't use the blender -but only because DH had a word with his sister.

And I get all the points about being able to talk but we wanted to be sure we weren't being unreasonable.

However, BIL got up at 5am not 6@am, faffed about looking for bits and pieces etc, woke the dog up and didn't shut him back downstairs, so we were all properly woken up by the time he left the house.

So he didn't even get his running gear out ready?? Absurd. Surely he just gets changed in his room, quickly uses loo and goes.

Unfortunately, with a dog, depending on the breed and how yappy they are, the entire house will get woken up.

I think he's selfish.

Original poster
morningbbrew · 01/09/2024 08:27

increasinglyconcerned · 01/09/2024 08:25

So he didn't even get his running gear out ready?? Absurd. Surely he just gets changed in his room, quickly uses loo and goes.

Unfortunately, with a dog, depending on the breed and how yappy they are, the entire house will get woken up.

I think he's selfish.

Show quote history

He's not yappy but once he's woken he assumes it's morning time and comes looking for company. If BIL had popped the door shut to the kitchen the dog would have gone back to sleep but he didn't (and we always tell them that when they house sit so he should know!)

OP posts:
premeditated · 01/09/2024 08:28

You have to expect a little disruption if you have overnight guests. Shame he crashed about a bit, but it's one weekend. Don't let it ruin the day :)

Shinyandnew1 · 01/09/2024 08:29

so we were all properly woken up by the time he left the house.

SIL included?

What an arse-I’d be really cross to have a weekend lie in I was looking forward to ruined!

crumblingschools · 01/09/2024 08:30

@premeditated it’s the one weekend they don’t have the kids so can have a lie in

Easipeelerie · 01/09/2024 08:30

He sounds such a horrible person- selfish and as others have said, insufferable.
He only house sits for a free holiday in Cornwall. Don’t have them back to stay and get someone else to house sit.
I wasn’t team ‘hide the blender.’ I was hoping he’d use it so you could see just how selfish he is.

Fraaahnces · 01/09/2024 08:33

I would leave a note saying “You didn’t give us a chance to reply… The blender is knackered and desperately wants a sleep in. It’s stying in our room until we get up. Help yourself to the juice, etc. Please be extra considerate when you shower in the morning too, as bathroom right next to our room. Thanks!

WhatNoRaisins · 01/09/2024 08:37

He sounds like a very rude person the way he walks off and ignores people talking to him. I'd not be keen to have someone that behaves like that as a guest too often.

Haggia · 01/09/2024 08:41

What a strange person. Comes to stay for a weekend away, but brings his own food and goes to bed before 9pm. Then goes for a run an hour before sunrise in rural Cornwall when presumably, if he knows the rest of the household are having a lie in, he’s got loads of daylight hours when he could do it.

Nowt so queer as folk etc.

Stephy1886 · 01/09/2024 08:43

If you are going to do this at someone’s house you get up & Fook off as quietly as possible

breakfast bar packed if you really want something

paradisecircus · 01/09/2024 08:46

As others have said - run fine, but ask him not to make the smoothie at 5.30 a.m.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 01/09/2024 08:48

OP you're going to need to have a little word when you're all sitting round with a cup of tea, coffee, or nasty looking herbal drink (BIL's own blend probably).
Tell him you don't mind him getting up and going out early, but if he ever does it again he needs to get his stuff ready the night before, get ready quickly and quietly, and leave without waking everybody up.

Tell him that that you are both exhausted and you needed that extra hour of sleep.
You shouldn't need to explain all this to a grown man but this one sounds totally self absorbed, and if you don't tell him, he won't work it out for himself. It literally wouldn't have occurred to him.
Or if he's a selfish git and knew but didn't care, say it anyway then he'll know you've marked his card.

Didimum · 01/09/2024 08:50

MissPeachyKeen · 01/09/2024 08:16

Dear me. I didn't say guests had to get-up and go to bed at the sane time as their hosts,I said guests should fit in with the rhythms of the household.

Eg if you're usually a late riser but the household is up & about by 9am, it's bad form to lie in until 1pm every day.

Or, if you usually get up and use the blender at 5.30am and are staying somewhere where doing so is likely to wake your hosts....amend your routine out of consideration by blending the night before & getting up a little later so that they're not woken while it's still dark.

Show quote history

Etiquette requires guests to fit in with the rhythm of & the waking/sleeping hours of the household

Yes you did. Not sure why that comes as a shock to you.

As I said in the first place – this is all centred on the noise and if he’s not making noise in excess to wake anyone then there’s no issue. We do not know if he planned to or did use the blender at 5:30.

Rising early in of itself is no problem and to have an issue with it on principle makes you a bad host.

Maria1982 · 01/09/2024 08:51

He sounds rather selfish !

diddl · 01/09/2024 08:52

Did I miss why they were staying over when you had a rare kid free weekend?

Cheesyfootballs01 · 01/09/2024 08:54

morningbbrew · 01/09/2024 08:20

I've already said several times that he said it as he was leaving the room to go to bed- giving us no chance to respond . And that it took us a while to process that he really had said that.

Show quote history

So he said while leaving the room? Presumably he had to walk upstairs, go to the bathroom and then get in to bed - surely this would have taken 5-10 min?

Plenty of time for you to ‘process’ what he said and either go up or send SIL after him to tell him don’t use the blender or make noise waking people up??

He certainly wouldn’t be coming back to my house for a free holiday…

Is he your OH’s brother?

IsThisCluttered · 01/09/2024 09:01

Your BIL is a selfish arse & I would not be one bit impressed. And I'd let him know too. Entitled men like him drive me mad.

sashh · 01/09/2024 09:02

What a twat OP.

Tell him if he wants to wake early and go for a run then he sleeps in a tent outside.

Choochoo21 · 01/09/2024 09:04

And weekend lie ins are rare with two kids and associated activities!

Going forward, I think you need to diet this out.

You and DH sound exhausted and desperate for a lie in, which is mad considering you don’t have young kids.

Change the kids activity times or take in turns waking up early.

DH could get up early on Saturdays and the do the activities whilst you lie in and then you could get up early on Sundays and give DH a lie in.
You both need to go bed earlier too.