Not removing sunglasses - unreasonable?

[coxesorangepippin]

Met up with a friend yesterday, who introduced me to her sister.

We sat outside, it was sunny.

The sister did not remove her sunglasses the entire time (2 hours).

It bothered me. I couldn't see her eyes.

Aibu?

My prescription glasses are reactive and go dark when it's sunny. I don't take them off ever as I can't see without them.

...and that's one of the reasons autistic folk have been mocked and vilified for centuries.

Yay for etiquette, eh? Obviously a virtue that must be continued.

She sounds like my not so DS. She told me off once, when not removing my sunglasses to speak to someone for 5 mins in Australia.

If someone thinks you can trust someone because of "what you see in their eyes" , well that's a good enough reason not to take etiquette lessons from you !

If it’s sunny ☀️ or bright and I’m outside in the sun I need sunglasses 😎
The optician tells me my eyes are fine , healthy but I am sun sensitive.
My sunglasses are prescription as I need them for distance vision
I might , just might take mine off for a few seconds to say hello to you but that’s it

It's foggy and overcast and I'm wearing mine!

If that's all you have to be bothered about then I envy you. How rude of her to wear her sunglasses, sitting outside in the sun so you couldn't see her eyes. You sound very weird.

I have prescription sunglasses as well as clear and on sunny days wear the former as my optician said I should protect my eyes from bright light as much as possible as I’m getting on. It did used to seem weird to wear them indoors but as many have said if they are prescription and you go indoors like to a shop you have to read and you forget they are sunglasses. Times change. I don’t think they are seen as hiding as much now or that you are blind , though both still possible. It can feel as though you are being screened out but I very much doubt it. You can always say if it bothers you ‘ they are lovely sunglasses.’ They might just need reminding. And then if you are determined ask if you can have a look at them and hold out your hand. 🤭

Excluding, ostracising, talking and behaving disparagingly to people is bad manners. So if anyone does that they don’t have good manners, even if they think they do.

Tell the OP that.

It is a rule of etiquette that you make eye contact when in greeting.

Says who?

Don’t shoot me, I didn’t make the rules up, I just know that it is.

But people like you did make up the rules. And you made them up deliberately to exclude, belittle and demonise people who aren't exactly the same as you, to the extent that they don't know your arbitrary rules.

Macular degeneration runs in my family. The opticians tell me to always wear sunglasses in sunlight. I have prescription varifocal sunglasses, which they tell me, are still useful for driving in the winter sun.

I am not risking macular degeneration because of someone else’s wants.

I always say there is a difference between manners and etiquette. manners are things like saying please and thank you. pardon me after you burp, holding doors for the person behind you etc. etiquette is an excuse to get offended by people breaking imaginary "rules" that don't actually matter, like holding their knife and fork in opposite hands, or pretending someone is better and more important than you because of who their parents are.

yes! the glare off the clouds on a bright but overcast day is PAINFUL.

Making eye contact when meeting someone is a way of connecting with them, and, on a really primal level, of reassuring that you mean no harm, that is why it’s considered good manners.

This makes sense and isn’t going to change. If you want to make a good impression - make eye contact. I know it excludes some people and there needs to be more awareness of why that might be - but eye contact is such a fundamental human need, this expectation is not going to go away.

Taking them off for a few seconds to say hello is all anyone needs to do to be polite.

Taking them off for a few seconds is all I need to do to give myself a cracking headache.

Bright sunlight is a huge migraine trigger for me. So yeah, I might ‘be polite’ for 10 seconds but there’s a strong likelihood I’d then have to excuse myself from the social event after half an hour to go and lie down in a darkened room for 24 hours.

Non-prescription sun glasses can be whipped off elegantly with one hand and i may or may not have done that in the past, I really cant remember. If I did it would have been for my own convenienceas I've never heard of the supposed etiquette.

Prescription glasses need to be handled more carefully, opticians recommend using both hands, then adjusted again when you put them back on especially when you are wearing hearing aids like me. I'm not doing all that for anyone. Never have and never will.

I wear prescription shades in bright light but I do feel that it's polite to remove them when I meet someone. I feel that they sort of hide my face. However, I don't take them off for long periods in the sunshine. It would have been nice if the sister could have taken them off briefly when they first met.

I wear tinted prescription glasses so even on a cold, wet, miserable day you still would not be able to see my eyes properly. I could take them off but my eyes would be squint shut (due to the sensitivity I have when it comes to any form of light, hence tinted lenses that react in sunlight), so you wouldn't be able to see them anyway. I would apologise but as far as I'm concerned my comfort trumps your need for "etiquette".

What do people expect to 'see' in someones eyes that will make them relax and deem them a good person that their words and actions don't let you know?

The only thing seeing eyes might tell you is their eye colour.

Historically there was a whole thing about this, it was used in historic criminology. The thought that people could be judged on looks (oh they have 'shifty eyes = up to no good' when a person in reality just had narrow eyes, drooped eyes or a squint etc...). It also way completely thrown out in modern criminology as it was found to be wildly racist, classiest and ablest.

Strangers eyes will not tell you anything useful about them as people.

I have lupus, one of the effects of having this is the way my eyes react to sunlight. They hurt & I get bright spots when I blink. So I wear sunglasses when I'm out. Sometimes I have to put them on when I'm hanging out the washing. So yeah, you're being very judgy

I think I can understand, in how seeing somebody's eyes gives you a personal contact, an acknowledgement.
Eyes show personality etc.
Surely others can see that's not always possible though?!
You don't get the right to see somebody's eyes to make you feel better.
I had an eye infection a couple of weeks back in the middle of a heatwave, and couldn't leave the house without sunglasses on.
The bright sunlight was just too painful.
Lifting them for just a couple of seconds to say "hi" to someone would have hurt too much,!