To be so over my tight, selfish DH every birthday

[IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise]

I turned 57 yesterday. Birthday was a text from husband saying sorry for using last of milk, whoops happy birthday, kids up late, a card eventually. No card from DH, bottle of Lidl wine and a bunch of flowers. Booked dinner out for tonight but cancelled because DH work, rebooked for tomorrow, having had ‘well, I’m not bothered, but if YOU REALLY WANT TO’.

FB scrolling tonight I see a string quartet Coldplay concert by candlelight, not too far away, in an old priory, say ‘ooh, I’ve found a birthday pressy’ and his response was ‘hmph, not my sort of thing’..then ‘what, instead of dinner? What did you get me?’ (30 yr old scotch, dinner out with wine and a book actually’.

I fucking love Coldplay but will ever be able to afford to see them live, I thought this would be a lovely evening and cheapest tickets are £21 each.

Am I being stupid and unreasonable to just fucking want to be spoilt for one fucking birthday? My family have always been hard up so I’ve not had one birthday where it feels like a celebration.

I know this is first world problems, but am I being unreasonable to want to feel the centre of the world for ONE day?

What a great update. Hope you have a great time at the concert

Excuse me? Did you say 4th October? Don’t you need some practice at a fulfilling, happy life independent of him before this date - like every week sort of thing? Go for it OP and hear us roooaaar!
🦁

What would you tell your sister/daughter/mother/best friend if she told you this exact thing?…….

stop setting for crappy men doing the bare minimum.

I wouldn’t put up with this at all if it’s a pattern. It’s as if he’s deliberately trying to sabotage your birthday and make it miserable. The only thing he’d get from me at his next birthday would be divorce papers. He’s a fucking arsehole by the sounds of it.

@LuckysDadsHat exactly this!!!

Book the event by yourself or with friend

Next year have a weekend away without him

But you gave him an idea !

Honestly you deserve to be spoilt on your birthday, my husband is very similar to yours, tight and sucks all the joy out of life, luckily I have 3 daughters who make sure I get treated on my birthday. If I was you I’d go to the concert on your own, if he complains say you didn’t think he’d want to go.

Delighted to hear about the concert - time to call time on any further presents to Stingy McStingy unless they are pound shop offerings or a warm handshake. Used to be in this situation with my ex and it is extremely lowering to the self esteem - he sounds a dead ringer for your own deadbeat. And do leave. I had several very money tight years on my own with my own autistic kid but was a deal happier than I had been before, and have now remarried having met a lovely fellow who frequently surprises me with his kindness to both of us.

Send you a PM. I'm in si ilar circumstances re birthdays but thankfully not living with the tight arsed sod. Got nothing for my 50th he said I was being irrational it was just another day blah blah.

Buys a token gift months later from lidl if he remembers. ...currently blocked due to this behaviour. Hoping he will disappear

Treat yourself to a ticket & either go alone or with a friend then go for wine & cocktails afterwards. For his next Birthday get him diddly squat! If he mentions it say you can't afford anything as you spent a fortune on your candlelight tickets & night out as a Birthday treat to yourself. 😄

Treat yourself, concert, spa etc and tell him the kids got it for you - then wait until its his birthday and buy him sod-all and remind him he doesnt do birthdays .......perhaps tell him he's apathetic prick !!

This. Use the money you would have spent on his birthday to treat yourself for yours. For his birthday, get cheap flowers from the supermarket and a card from Poundland.

Totally selfish...

Happy birthday OP! Enjoy the concert and DO NOT let him go!!!

Im sure people will thing LTB is OTT, but there’s better fish out there!!

Happy birthday, OP, enjoy the concert.. Get rid of not-so-'D'H and enjoy the rest of your life..

Great update. Have a wonderful time at the concert.

And don't forget to treat h for his next birthday just as he treated you...

Well done OP, hope you have a lovely time.

Meanness goes to the core of a persons personality.
Unfortunately so many women do not get that.
Forget that ugly man.
Start making your plans to get the hell away from him.

This!

Catch up people,op has linked up with a fellow mumsnetter to Go to the concert with.
So sulky chops is surplus to requirement.

Never,ever let yourself think this is normal behaviour. People who love one another want to make the other feel special. Completely agree with others that his next birthday he should get the same treatment,but for YOUR next birthday really plan ahead, mini-break or at least dinner out with girlfriends etc so that whatever he does/doesn't do you have people around you that make you feel special. Because you are.

Oh OP I'm so delighted that you're pairing up with another MNer to go to the concert. I hope you have a fabulous time!

Please let this be the catalyst to a new approach to life. Don't let him hold you back any longer. If you see something or some event you like the look of - just book it & organise yourself to go.

This is your Shirley valentine moment.

No man is worth sacrificing your happiness over! Life is short so make sure you get the most out of it!

Great update OP. So pleased you are going to the concert, even better that it's not with your stingy husband! Have a wonderful time 🥰

my husband doesn't always get me an actual physical present, but he ALWAYS makes sure I get to do something nice for the day and have what I want to eat for a meal out. (spoils me rotten at Christmas though) but for birthdays, it's always been more about us going out and doing something fun of my choice. any physical present is a bonus.

£21 for that sounds perfectly reasonable, and like a night out I would still enjoy even not as a big coldplay fan. it's something different, and it's something YOU want to do.
if he won't even agree to something like that, and at least getting in a takeaway you enjoy, or cooking your favourite, he's just not that bothered about you having a nice birthday.

probably even funnier to get something like a lynx gift set or something. because it sounds like you've always tried to make his day special, and he's not bothered doing the same. so he could whinge about you not bothering, but a generic and rubbish present makes the point better, I think.