To out-dessert my MIL

[MrsPassiveAggressive]

I’ve had an ongoing battle with my MIL over the years who doesn’t like to be upstaged, or for anyone else to get a compliment over anything.

We invite each other over for meals, and every time she undermines me. Every time she brings something that she has made, usually dessert, even when we say no need to bring anything. In the past she used to rock up with a main dish, now it’s the whole dessert with Tip Top and fruit.

The other thing is, my MIL is a dreadful cook. The reason why she is this, is because she puts no thought or love into anything. Because we once ate one of her dessert's, she now brings that every freaking time. It’s a cake. I measured it, and I kid you not, it was 1.5 cm thick.

Last time she came, she barely walked through the door and she told me there wasn’t enough to go round (other people there) and she had not made it for me, so,I wasn’t having any. She also brought other things, like nibbles, and said they weren’t for me. This is just f*cking rude. This is my house, and I’m the one doing all the work for the meal. When dessert came, my DC, being polite, had both this and the desert I’d made, and the other guests, DH’s siblings and BF’s had hers as they are too shit scared to upset her, but it’s ok to upset me, right?

Also, not trying to blow my own trumpet, but I’m a really good cook and baker. I’m asked to make cakes and desserts for other people. When I have guests over I spend a lot of time making an amazing dessert. One I made a while ago took me 4 hours to make, and it got loads of compliments.

The other thing is, if I went to my MIL’s house for lunch or dinner and I turned up with an unasked for dessert, she’d have a hissy fit. I’m just sick of her undermining me in my own home (tried in other areas of my life such as with DGC, but she failed) and others keeping quiet to keep the peace, happily letting me be upset.

I tried to say “oh thanks, we’ll have this tomorrow after dinner” but she got up and basically started serving it up. My DH knows this annoys me, so ate mine, and when she offered me the leftovers I said no thanks, I don’t want it. Before she gets here my DC tell me, oh FGS, she better not bring that cake again.

I know this is unbelievably petty, but this is the only person on the planet who brings the PA 12- year old out in me. I don’t like how I act around her, she brings out the worst in me.

So, AIBU to take her cake, and channel Nigella meets Hummingbird Bakery, and pull out a Bake Off show stopper of her cake just to put her back in her bloody box?

FYI she never takes any food to either of her DD’s houses.

Her: There’s none for you.
You: Fair enough: there isn’t a plate or a chair for you, either.

😁

I think, pick your battles. Choose to be ok with it, and it will stop being an issue

I would buy a cake stand, place her cake reverently upon on it.
Next to this I would casually place my absolute show stopper of a desert.
If she states that there is not enough for you, you say, sadly, 'I understand', and eat your desert, and ditto, scoff your own extra special nibbles if the quantity precludes you.
Don't forget to save the kids!
You add 'Now, don't be rude kids, Granny first!' and serve her a massive portion of her cake.
Tell the kids 'You will just have to have this!' and serve them the show stopper!

My cousin’s new husband does this all the time. I’m a former chef and he’s an obese greedy get who can’t cook. In the past he’s brought a ginormous tray of nachos as a “starter” before a roast dinner, a huge runny cheesecake that everybody feels obligated to eat, and individual crème brûlée’s complete with small catering blowtorch 🙄

She has, she is choosing to fight this one. MIL doesnt do it to her own DD's so it is obviously an attempt to out do the OP. I would fucking fight it too.

My mother in law, must have been a couple of years after we got together, was coming for tea. The step kids and I had got two meals on the go so they could choose, inlaws liked both. One veggie, one not, as 3 of us are veggie.
MiL arrives with a shop bought steak pie and veg to go with, opens the oven, takes out one of the dishes that was cooking and puts this grotty steak pie in to warm.
I found the half cooked chicken dish on the side about 15 mins later! Apparently she knew I wouldn't have made anything they would eat.
Reader, it was the last time she came for a meal at my house.

😂Just picturing this!
Really though, how rude of her saying it’s not for you. Does she have some herself and it’s just you that’s she’s singled out not to have any?

🤭

Slide her cake onto her dining chair just as she's about to land on the seat. Extra (1.5cm) cushion for you MIL?

Why are you having her over for meals if she's so rude and nasty to you? Just tell your DH you're done cooking meals for his mother and he can go to her house I'd he wants to eat with her.

Your DH needs to put a stop to this, OP.

Why won't he?

Because like all spineless husbands, he would rather upset his wife than his mother........

🤣🤣🤣 I've had a proper belly laugh at that - thanks!

Needs a drumroll too. Something like this.

And then comment that it wouldn’t make much difference as it looks as if it’s already been sat on.

My MIL is like this. DH and his siblings are, like you say, too shit scared to put a foot wromg. Also, they were raised like this—to bend to her every whim, so for them, this is “normal” family life. Everyone walking around on eggshells.

It’s a control thing. She used to be the matriarch—she called the shots and everyone jumped into line and did what was expected. She told everyone where to be on Christmas Day, birthdays, etc, and what time to be there, and everyone did as they were told. Now she’s not the matriarch anymore. Sons have wives and their own children, and the wives have families of their own who would like to spend Christmases with the grandchildren. What little bit of life can your MIL control? What everyone eats for desert at your house!

Can you take hers and lock it in a room or cupboard so she can't serve it? Or accidentally knock it on the floor?

I'm from the US. I've been frequenting Mumsnet for a couple of years. I learn something about British culture every time. Today I learned the word "minging". What a useful word to add to my vocabulary!

I've also learned over this time some MIL's are vile so are some DILs.

Over the top, performative praise required.

"Oh, thank you MIL, we all talk about you and your baking, you know. Getting old must be SO hard but it's so wonderful you're determined to keep on trying. Now, have you got a napkin for those dribbles?"

You can also use it as “minger” to describe a person. You’re welcome.

I have this vision of loads of birds, weighed down with Awful Frisbee Cake, unable to take off from @MrsPassiveAggressive‘s lawn!

Oh goodness that made me howl 😂

the best bit about this is that the cake is bad, I’ve met people who must bring dessert, who insist on serving to all and sundry etc etc and normally it’s cuz they are a good cook, they are very aware of this and just have to lap up all the compliments in a sickly sweet tone to boost their ego. But she does it with a shocking cake 😂😂 please make a scale version of the Eiffel Tower from macaroons

It is rude unless they've asked you to, or it's agreed (eg everyone brings a dish). A bottle of wine or some chocs or similar is fine, it's rude to turn up with a whole course though. It's undermining the work of the hoist.

croquembouche!

4 foot tall. Indoor sparklers.