To out-dessert my MIL

[MrsPassiveAggressive]

I’ve had an ongoing battle with my MIL over the years who doesn’t like to be upstaged, or for anyone else to get a compliment over anything.

We invite each other over for meals, and every time she undermines me. Every time she brings something that she has made, usually dessert, even when we say no need to bring anything. In the past she used to rock up with a main dish, now it’s the whole dessert with Tip Top and fruit.

The other thing is, my MIL is a dreadful cook. The reason why she is this, is because she puts no thought or love into anything. Because we once ate one of her dessert's, she now brings that every freaking time. It’s a cake. I measured it, and I kid you not, it was 1.5 cm thick.

Last time she came, she barely walked through the door and she told me there wasn’t enough to go round (other people there) and she had not made it for me, so,I wasn’t having any. She also brought other things, like nibbles, and said they weren’t for me. This is just f*cking rude. This is my house, and I’m the one doing all the work for the meal. When dessert came, my DC, being polite, had both this and the desert I’d made, and the other guests, DH’s siblings and BF’s had hers as they are too shit scared to upset her, but it’s ok to upset me, right?

Also, not trying to blow my own trumpet, but I’m a really good cook and baker. I’m asked to make cakes and desserts for other people. When I have guests over I spend a lot of time making an amazing dessert. One I made a while ago took me 4 hours to make, and it got loads of compliments.

The other thing is, if I went to my MIL’s house for lunch or dinner and I turned up with an unasked for dessert, she’d have a hissy fit. I’m just sick of her undermining me in my own home (tried in other areas of my life such as with DGC, but she failed) and others keeping quiet to keep the peace, happily letting me be upset.

I tried to say “oh thanks, we’ll have this tomorrow after dinner” but she got up and basically started serving it up. My DH knows this annoys me, so ate mine, and when she offered me the leftovers I said no thanks, I don’t want it. Before she gets here my DC tell me, oh FGS, she better not bring that cake again.

I know this is unbelievably petty, but this is the only person on the planet who brings the PA 12- year old out in me. I don’t like how I act around her, she brings out the worst in me.

So, AIBU to take her cake, and channel Nigella meets Hummingbird Bakery, and pull out a Bake Off show stopper of her cake just to put her back in her bloody box?

FYI she never takes any food to either of her DD’s houses.

I'd just make a joke of it
Oh here comes The Cake again! 😄

Tip top ? As in that old school cream thing in a can?
I thought it had been discontinued years ago. My dear old grandad will be so pleased if this is back on the shelves.

As the cake is only 1.5cm tall perhaps you could incorporate it into a dramatic cake of your own making, as an additional layer.

Brilliant!

I don't know how you'll outdo the Tip Top 15mm cake though 😂But it sounds as if for the sake of everybody you need to try! Maybe top it with slices of Vienna?!

And yes, I would absolutely troll her on this, rude and miserable cow that she is she deserves it. Take a showstopper cake to hers and tell her she can't have any. I'd probably leave it in the boot of the car, nip out "to the loo" and bring it in to plonk on the dining table in front of everybody with a flourish as soon as main course is done, so that she won't even have a heads up!

Add one of those cake sparklers too. Or 10.

Make a great massive cake and tell her there's not enough for her....

Or when she says there's not enough for you say "lucky me but enough for xyz family.....<<<sympathetic look>> they'll be soo disappointed".

Seriously I'd just let her crack on. You can guarantee that everyone else in the room knows what's she's up to.

If they want to eat her shitty dessert as they don't want to upset her - fine. Start calling it Cowards cake. More leftovers of your lovely dessert for the next day.

I'd take the fancy delicious looking pudding option and have it on display so that everyone was looking at it longingly while eating the skinny little cake with tip top. You of course will be having the delicious pudding.

😆

She also brought other things, like nibbles, and said they weren’t for me.

Please, please stand by the bowl of nibbles, and eat them one by one while making eye contact with her!

😂😂😂😂

I also would always bring something when I go to someone's for dinner, but unless we'd agreed something in advance, I'd never bring an actual course or dish that I expected them to serve as part of the meal. I do think that's quite rude and a way of saying my cooking is better than yours. I normally bring something like a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates, something that's just for the host.

OP, if MIL does indeed bring a desert to the table again, you could always give her some "helpful' baking tips in front of everyone e.g. "you could add in more X to make it taste less dry" etc.

Bring in a "nibbles sized" bowl full of indigestion remedies for everybody when she gets her cake out!

Always accept a bit of her shit cake, take a bite, pull a face and leave the rest. Then have seconds of your own cake.

Make your show stopper and take it to hers. Act all wide eyed and innocent when she kicks off saying that as she always brought a cake to your dinners, you thought it was time to return the gesture. Extra points if you can turn on the tears as you were "only trying to do something nice for you!"

Open the tin of tip top carefully (with the right type of tin opener that tucks the sharp bit inside the rim) and casually sip it while wandering in to the room where everybody is gathering with pre-dinner drinks. You may wish to have your own can in the fridge ready for this just in case she fucks about with her own one before you're ready. For best effect stick an umbrella and an assortment of fruit salad on a stick in it. Say NOTHING and keep a straight face.

One day I just thought fuck it, and I got a really fancy version of it, soaked fruit, alcohol infused, beautiful frosting etc. It was amazing.

@MrsPassiveAggressive this description is making me hungry! where did you get this fabulous cake? 🙏

I agree with some PPs that in theory, this is absolutely not worth giving headspace to and you should try to rise above it.

In reality, it'd drive me fucking crazy too.

Reminds me of when we were having a small BBQ for a celebration at our house (fewer than 10 people), and my MIL turned up (after driving across the country to get to us) with - surprise! An entire car boot full of fancy, expensive meat, plus an absolutely enormous salmon, side dishes etc. My entire household is vegetarian so it's not like we could eat it; of course we'd also provided meat for our visitors, but apparently it was just expected that it wouldn't be (good?) enough?? We had no space to cook it all and not remotely enough people to eat it anyway. I was quite miffed and it actually felt a bit disrespectful, even though it SEEMS like a generous thing. It's like a power play!

So I sympathise OP. Make the obnoxiously beautiful spite-cake, I would.

Mate! You need to dig deep for your sense of humour!

MIL is rude and out of order. Everyone knows. You actually have nothing to prove.

You can either let it go and laugh in private, or tell her not to bring her shitty cake in future as it’s bloody rude.

Either way I would massively scale back these reciprocal dinner visits.

I've pretty much given up making desserts because so many people,seem to bring them to be 'helpful'. I don't think it's cultural because our friends and family are multicultural and multigenerational and a lot of them do it.

I've lost count of the number of times my own home made, well chosen, dessert/s haven't been bought out and I've choked down a few spoonfuls of something I dislike to be polite. And lots of them are shop bought. People really seem to think they are helping but they aren't.

As I write this there are two (family favourite ) homemade desserts in the freezer waiting for the day it's just us and adult DCs who will enjoy them without having to be polite about other people's horrible offerings. All people I like and love so I wouldn't ever want to offend them.

TBF, neither my mum or MIL ever did this. They were both terrible cooks with very little interest in food and were happy to eat whatever was put in front of them .

I'd buy some nice flavours of posh ice cream or custard to serve alongside her pancake and watch guests drown their polite servings with copious amount of delicious scoops.

Zero effort.

A croquembouche was exactly what I was going to suggest!

Remember that Bake Off showstopper which was a scale model of Poynton Colliery hewn from a mountain of choux pastry and buttercream? Do that.

🤣🤣👏🏻👏🏻

That is very rude. Can you not match her attitude, or at least call it out?

Her: There’s none for you.
You: Fair enough: there isn’t a plate or a chair for you, either.

Her: There’s none for you.
You: Are you serious? That’s really rude.

Do you have a cat?

Her: I’ve brought nibbles, they’re not for you.
You: Snatch them, pour them out onto the floor.