To have said this in front of my husbands (and mine boss)

[VickyMcVities]

My DH has form for belittling my feelings about completely legitimate concerns I have. He literally laughs often in front of other people including our children. This has on more than one occasion resulted in literally injury to one of our children because he refuses to heed my worries (I asked him to close a door whilst I breastfed our youngest as I was worried our middle child would climb out of an open window in that room, he refused, laughed and guess what? Child fell out of window and cracked her head open. I could give more (less dramatic but highly irritating examples).
At a recent work BBQ we were having a discussion in front of his boss (not big boss but reporting boss) and I said "our 18 year old daughter is not sleeping in a car driven by Joe Bloggs (a young male we all know to be silly and irresponsible) after a party. She'll freeze and it's dangerous." DH laughs and makes out as if I'm going overboard and everyone is doing it and I'm fussing. As the BBQ was a family event my 13 year old daughter was also present and another colleague.
I finally just cracked and said very very calmly (possibly weirdly calmly!) "DH if you ever belittle my legitimate concerns in front of our children again I will instruct a solicitor to divorce you" and I walked off.
I accept on the face of it that I may have gone overboard in an inappropriate context. HOWEVER I have had fucking years of this and am sick of it. I am also under huge amounts of stress right now due to very very ill close family and I'm having to reduce my working hours at my own expense to look after them so am not in a good place. (Be gentle please!)

He's a prick for not shutting the window but i cannot believe you also let your child fall out of the window rather than just unlatch the baby for the few seconds it would have taken to shut the window.

I would like to hear his side. Is the window example weighed up against a whole lot of nonsense from you? A kind of crying wolf. Be honest.

Or are you creating drama or problems where there are none - was Joe Bloggs meant to be driving your DD, for example? If you were creating a disaster scenario that wasn't ever going to come to pass, I can see that being tiresome too. The way you escalated the conversation does hint towards drama queen.

In that situation yes. Preventing an accident to a child is way more important than "he didnt do it so why should I?".

Isn't it?

Very straightforward to put BF baby down for 5 seconds to close a door. Then deal with the arse DH afterwards.

Not sure there is enough information to give any solid advice TBH.

Taking your OP at face value, your DH sounds like a twat. What you did in that moment makes you also sound like a bit of a twat.

How long ago did the window accident happen? years ago and you still use it as a stick to beat him with or very recently?

Your 18 year old can get in a car with whoever she wants, she is an adult. If you are worried about choices she is making then it is her you need to talk to. Was his response actually embarassing for you, did he go OTT or did he just try laugh it off in a "she'll be fine" moment in front of his boss because it was awkward?

Do you get anxious about the children a lot?

Very difficult to put an end to it, after having as you say 'years of it'. Also, instruct a solicitor, etc. I hope it is not an empty threat and you are richer than him and can financially do it and not hope for his handouts (easy to issue a court order, hell of a difficulty to enforce) as there is nothing worse than 'empty threats' that the person you are threatening realises as being empty threats.

Yes I agree. OP responded to what he was saying after years of it. Maybe he will think twice in future.

Yes but what op said had far more of an impact. You think it's ok to bring up divorce in front of your 13yo and other children, in a public place? It would have made everyone else feel very uncomfortable and op look like she's the problem there.

Personally I don’t consider the example given to be belittlement. He was disagreeing with you and felt you were being over the top which given your daughter is an adult I would have to agree with him. His tone and delivery would also be important for context. We only have OP word that there is a history of belittlement. Reality might be she has a history of excessive controlling behaviour
in the vein of this comment.

Doing it in front of his boss was shit. After years of concerns, you're only now talking about divorce?!

YADNBU

It's irrelevant what the topic was about, because he's publicly undermined you for years, and I don't blame you for snapping.

Don't worry about your friends or colleagues. If they've got more than one brain cell, they'll fully understand why you said it.

Good for you @VickyMcVities

It was well-deserved and overdue. Who cares that it was in public? Might be the aspect of it which gets him to actually listen.

I understand you completely. The issue isn’t about the 18 yr old sleeping in a car etc this is an example of situations that the op has dealt with.

My husband used to do/say things like this to me in front of his sisters. Years ago, I said exactly the same thing as you and he has never, ever attempted anything like this again.

I feel very sorry for the 13 year old here. Having a nice day out then has to listen to her mum threaten to divorce her dad in front of a group of people. She's now got that hanging over her head wondering if her parents are going to split up.

I didn't see his comments as belittling, just a difference of opinion. Because really, in August in the UK no one is freezing spending 1 night in a car, don't be so dramatic. As far as dumb things 18 year olds do, this is rather minor. Do you often accuse him of belittling you if he doesn't agree with you?

And when was the window incident? Given your eldest is 18 and you clearly don't like your husband much, it seems a bit far fetched that you have a newborn at home. So was this incident 10 plus years ago and you still bring it up as a stick to beat him with?

Imo you are over reacting. Your daughter is 18 and an adult. As this stage you can only share the benefit of your wisdom and let her make her own choices, your husband disagreed with you, he is allowed, it's low level and hardly undermining you. Your reaction was way OTT, you are basically giving him an ultimatum in front of everyone that if he expresses an opinion different to yours in public you will divorce him. And you think HE is the unreasonable one? Careful what you wish for...

I asked him to close a door whilst I breastfed our youngest as I was worried our middle child would climb out of an open window in that room, he refused, laughed and guess what? Child fell out of window and cracked her head open.

I'm struggling to understand this one. Were you in the room your child was in? If so, why didn't you close the door or windows, and indeed shout at the child to get away from the window?

I think your marriage is over OP and you know it I suspect resentment has built and now when you need him you are still on your own covering your drop down of hours at your own expense - I think that has made you realise you aren’t a team or partnership

Yes. I don't remember losing the use of my legs whilst breast feeding.

The incident at the party makes OP sound a bit of a drama llama.

If he had REPEATEDLY ignored OP’s
complaints about minimizing and dismissing her comments in front of her kids and other people then yes, I think it’s appropriate to show everyone just how seriously she takes this. It’s not okay to treat your partner like this.

Breastfeeding didn't render her incapable of moving.

You sound unhappy. Leave him.

It sounds to me like you’re under a lot of pressure. Sending you a hug @VickyMcVities 🤗

Inappropriate context but justified response.

DH and I have an agreement that when we disagree about anything pertaining to the safety of children, we will default to the safest option. So if DH didn't want my daughter driven by someone, and I thought it was no problem, we would default to his position. If I wanted a window closed because I thought a child might fall out, we would close it, even if DH thought I was being ridiculous.

No, because he doesn’t have any respect for her.

Of course she is allowed to answer back and it sounds like her H deserved what she said but what happened to not airing dirty laundry in public?
Especially in front of a work colleague and even more so their boss.

We only have OP's version of events and given the 2 examples given I'm inclined to take her version with a pinch of salt.