Dd and her boyfriend canoodling on the sofa every evening

[Milsonophonia]

Dd21 is at home for the summer before going back to uni in September. She has a boyfriend who is pleasant enough. He often comes to stay. He's a nice boy, but doesn't lift a finger when he's staying. Dd gets irritated if I ask them to load the dishwasher or take the dog out. They both have part time jobs.

My AIBU - really its a AWBU because it drives dh mad too - is that they sit on the sofa in the evening when we are all watching TV and they cannot keep their hands off each other. Constantly stroking each other hair, kissing each others arms etc. It gives me the ick and actually I think it's not hugely polite of him. It's like dh and I aren't even there. It makes me feel really uncomfortable and dh often just leaves the room and goes upstairs to watch TV.

I want to tell them to stop but AIBU?

Personally I'd be more annoyed about them not lifting a finger around the house than the canoodling on the sofa!

Sounds they are trying to make you so uncomfortable you leave...

Of course YANBU, just ask them not to! Have a chat with DD when BF is not around and say please will they not do PDA on the sofa as it makes you and her Dad uncomfortable.

Do it right back to them. I bet a couple of nights of her parents snogging on the sofa will give your DD an entirely new perspective. 😁

This.

My dd is the same age and there’s no way her boyfriend would be staying over, yet alone not doing anything around the house and all over each other on the sofa. Just nope.

Yeah it's kind of caught me unawares because he was really polite when he first came over! But now he just arrives, eats and slumps on the sofa with dd. Last week they got up at 12 then spent all day watching TV doing fuck all.

Nah, couldn't be doing with that at all. Your house is not a teenage den.

The boyfriend sounds dim too in the sense of emotional intelligence, not respecting the house he's visiting.

I continue to be amazed at the kinds of things that people on MN put up with, especially from their children. I would tell them in no uncertain terms to stop the PDA. I would also insist that they help out around the house. They are adults, and it is high time that they behave like adults.

Yes it's your home.
You should be speaking to your DD about her and her BF pulling their weight in the chores. And also about behaving in a respectful manner when in your company.
The pair of them sound very entitled.

Has this been going on all summer? If so I think the boat has sailed and you should have said something much sooner.

I'd try to ignore them until she goes back so that you don't part on a sour note. They might break up!

If she wants to bring him back at Christmas then have a chat beforehand and lay down some ground rules.

I am going to do both of these things.

Sometimes things just creep up on you and you suddenly realise, hold on, they are taking the piss.

He's not been over that much but has started coming over more because his parents are divorcing and things at home sound miserable. I guess I felt a bit sorry for him.

I remember being 15 at a BBQ & I sat next to my then boyfriend on one of the garden chairs. My father walked away and couldn't believe I had the audacity to sit on my boyfriends lap in front of him.....
Another time he caught me walking home from school with the same boyfriend after telling me I wasn't allowed to have a relationship with him anymore. He literally marched me to his house & forced me to break up with him or he would put me on the streets.

Another time he called me a prostitute because I once had a boyfriend who took me shopping & bought me some new clothes and a book.

I got called a prostitute a lot by my father,
may he rest in peace.

You really wouldn’t let your 21 year old child have their partner to stay in your house?

Wow.

How old do they have to be before it’s acceptable to sleep in the same bed as their partner in your house? Or is it a not until they’re married thing?

It’s just not something we’d ever allow. She’s at university; she has her own flat where she can have people stay. (She’s doing a masters). We have a child with autism at home who doesn’t like strangers and new people, home is their safe space and dd understands that. We have a great relationship and her boyfriend is more than welcome to come over but he’s never sleeping over. None of us - me, dh or Ds want to wake up to someone else in the house.

PMSL at this - please take this advice op!!!

No I don't think you are being unreasonable.

PDA's are off putting in general and it's a good life lesson for them both to learn to behave appropriately in company.

As for the chores I think it's potentially different for your DD than her BF.

She should be pulling her weight at home and I'd make very clear what I expected.

As to her boyfriend he's technically a guest, but it does depend how often he stays over.

That said I'd expect a polite relatively frequent guest to put their plates etc in the dishwasher and/or offer to help do the dishes etc.

It's a home not a hotel and they don't get to treat it as such.

This! 🤣🤣🤣

Bet sitting on your husband's lap and having a necking session would get them to leave the room pretty smartish.
Joking aside they're taking the piss.

Yeah he seems a bit dim. Normally you want to impress the potential in laws by being on your best behaviour rather than slouching around.

I was watching tv a good few years ago now and my son was sitting on the sofa with his ( then , thankfully) girlfriend. She was leaning against him in a light sort of cuddle , all good.
Suddenly she unbuttoned his shirt and started licking his chest. I couldn't believe what I was seeing out of the corner of my eye. It was not a big room. They'd been together a while and she stayed over with him so there was no need to be carrying out foreplay in front of me in the lounge. To be fair to him, he was absolutely mortified . He was mumbling " what are you doing, what are you doing?" When that didn't work he got more blunt with " get off, get off " then " just stop!!".
I decided to have an early night and took myself off to bed.
They split up a couple of weeks later . I have to say I wasn't too upset about that.

Do you not remember what it was like to be young and in love??

I remember the burning desire not to stroke each other in front of my parents, yes.

Fair enough. It’ll be a bit weird for her if or when they get married, perhaps, for her to know that she’s never welcome to stay with you with her husband, but each to their own 🤷🏻‍♀️

Made me smile