Dd and her boyfriend canoodling on the sofa every evening

[Milsonophonia]

Dd21 is at home for the summer before going back to uni in September. She has a boyfriend who is pleasant enough. He often comes to stay. He's a nice boy, but doesn't lift a finger when he's staying. Dd gets irritated if I ask them to load the dishwasher or take the dog out. They both have part time jobs.

My AIBU - really its a AWBU because it drives dh mad too - is that they sit on the sofa in the evening when we are all watching TV and they cannot keep their hands off each other. Constantly stroking each other hair, kissing each others arms etc. It gives me the ick and actually I think it's not hugely polite of him. It's like dh and I aren't even there. It makes me feel really uncomfortable and dh often just leaves the room and goes upstairs to watch TV.

I want to tell them to stop but AIBU?

They aren't just being affectionate. Other dd and long term boyfriend sit cuddled up to each other, absolutely fine.

These two are constantly sighing and oohing with pleasure while the other strokes their head or arm, then start kissing. I find it pretty gross and I'm quite open minded!

Gosh some people really do let their adult children walk all over them. Buy her a tv for her room indeed, maybe the OP should arrange for a cleaner to come in just so these two healthy adults should have their paths smoothed even further. And let them have sex anywhere they like in the house - they're young and in love! 🙄

This. Do this. See how she feels. lol

That is gross of anybody in front of anybody, let alone parents. I'd be telling them to reign it in sharpish, I have no idea how you have restrained yourself so far. I cannot comprehend how much some people pander to their adult children. The first time it happened in my house would have been the last time.

She has a laptop to watch TV on.

What I'd like is some advice as to how to broach the subject without it being too nasty.

It happened once when he was over and we were a bit taken aback but didn't say anything- now he's here again and it's happened again. I am definitely going to say something, I find it really rude actually.

Where does nasty come into it? You've birthed snd raised this girl, you support her through Uni, this is your house. Why are you pussy-footing around it or worried about being rude, clearly she isnt? Everyone has their own way of communicating/conveying displeasure - I would have been blunt from the get go and said these PDA's are not acceptable in front of other people, you want to feel comfortable I your own living room so knock it off and save it for the bedroom. And while you're at it, less lip and more action about household chores. This to be conveyed to the boyfriend also or they can choose to meet elsewhere.

Definitely have a word with her about it, it sounds like they are "young and in love" but too immature to realise they're being rude!

As for the housework that's a big problem too. Does your DD normally do stuff when BF is not there? Because if she does then it's maybe him that doesn't want to help so have a word with her. If she never really does anything around the house then that needs to change!
It should be "DD and BF it's your turn to cook tonight/take the dog out/sort the dishwasher" etc , no arguments.

Completely missing the point of the thread, but why are they only working part time at that age? Do they have a plan?

They are still at university.

(And to be fair to them they both have good career plans lined up for when they leave)

My bf was never allowed to sleep over in my house. I think that's ok. It was my parent's house and I was respectful of them. When I moved out I could then make my own choices.

This is hilarious, I’d love you to do this and report back to us!!! Except I doubt you want that.

This is different but reminds me of a recent thread when OPs teen DD was straddling her bf on the downstairs sofa. I think if these young people think this is ok social behaviour, then it’s because no one has told them ‘this is what you do in private, it can make people uncomfortable’.

Your DD may think you are comfortable with this as you’ve let it go on. But I totally get like you said, how these things creep in and you are trying to respect their autonomy. It’s absolutely reasonable for you to have boundaries in your home, and that is all adults help out, and don’t make sexual sounds near anyone else that they don’t have sex with…

I would also have a chat and set some boundaries. You aren't being unreasonable. Your husband shouldn't feel like he can't enjoy his own home. They are being disrespectful imo. I would expect them to tidy up after themselves.

They are still at university

Ah ok fair enough! So at least you know it's temporary.

But yes I'm with you, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Personally voting for the passive aggressive husband snogging option.

This. He stays he helps. I’d approach this that she is making a rod for her own back if she insists he doesn’t help / make it a feminist issue. If she doesn’t say anything I will and it would be

‘you are living here part time, eating here, etc and to all purposes are part of the family and yet do not even offer to help or cook etc - you both need to pull your weight or get your own place’

Yanbu, that is gross and rude. They are only young so probably aren't really aware of how rude it is. Most people grow out of this sort of thing thank fuck 😂

Let us know how it goes!

That is extremely disrespectful and you are well within your rights to say something. They definitely need to understand that it makes you uncomfortable. If you are too polite, they will continue to think it's ok. But I do get how tricky it can be to broach a situation like this.

Oh please do this! A brilliant idea.

Luckily she can move into her uni house next week so they will have their own shag pad again. She also said "boyfriend loves being here he says it's like being on holiday" to which I replied "I bet he bloody does. You both need to muck in and I'll give you jobs to do"

I will suggest it to dh 😆😆

I agree and I dont get the need to create posts about it too lol
I'd be simply communicating with my children telling them the expectations of living in my house, bringing boyfriends in, etc. If they don't like it, they can move out. How hard is it

Op, the little twerp really is showing you (and the family) that she’s his now. He’d be as well branding her with ‘she’s mine’ I wouldn’t let him over the door and I’d be having words with DD about the complete and utter lack of respect going on and that she’s a big part of.

Jesus she has a nerve, a holiday if you don't mind. OP you have clearly made life far far too easy and comfortable for this pair to date, doing yourself and them no favours. But I am glad you are asserting yourself more with her and I would put in much better boundaries and obligations for the remaining time so that she knows what to expect next summer - of she's still with him of course.

Unbelievable that they would behave like that.
Your daughter sounds like a rude madam.
Tell her that unless she shapes up and finds some basic manners he is not welcome.
No one wants to see that behaviour on the sofa and I would be wondering why she has so little respect for herself and her family.
Also I wouldn't tolerate his oafish manner in my house.
OP, your low expectations have allowed this.
Who cares if she is upset, she needs to find her manners that are lacking.
This will get a lot worse if you tolerate it.
This is your house.
Oh and he has made it crystal clear he has zero respect for you or your husband with that behaviour.
They both sound dragged up.