Was I being unkind? Women filming themselves in their pants

[LivingInStrangeTimes]

I was scrolling through tiktok and came across a video of a woman showing a jumpsuit outfit which she is reccomending people buy.

The strange part to me is that the video begins with her standing there in tiny knickers and a bra then she gets dressed into the jumpsuit.

I perhaps shouldn't have said anything at all but left the following comment

"You look lovely. I'm not being unkind but why has it become so normalised to upload videos of ourselves in our underwear? You don't have to expose yourself like that to show the garment x"

Cue a pile on and her getting pissed off because apparently I'm only saying it because of her body type - which had absolutely nothing to do with it for me. We actually look quite similar in the buff!

I'm seeing more and more of these videos and it has become the new normal and done thing on social media for people who want to show clothes, to stand their in their pants beforehand and have you watch them get dressed.

Was I being unreasonable to say what I said and am I unreasonable for thinking its fucking weird and unnecessary?

"I want to show you this dress, but first here's my knickers!"

Edited to add - I mention women specifically because I'm not seeing any of these videos from men.. and nor do I want to 😐

And a woman trying a jumpsuit and showing her panties is harmful and disturbing? Really? Mental note to yourself: never go into the dark web.

"No man"

How do you know what any particular man would say / think. There are billions of them in the world and forums that house many of them. Have you sifted through them all to make sure?

Men aren't doing this. Thankfully. I don't want to see that any more than I do this.

If men were doing it, though, I'd be saying exactly the same thing.

Obviously I'm not talking about the woman trying on the jumpsuit there. That post is part of a series of replies that went off topic and into how the Internet isn't suitable for children in general.

A PP mentioned suicide videos being shared on TikTok.

I have no intention of going onto the dark web and anybody who does should have their hard drive checked. I don't have to see it to know about the kind of things that are on it.

Men don’t tend to shame each other for seeing a man in his boxers on the internet trying some trousers, they may laugh but shame him? Nah.

Can you explain how I have "shamed" her?

Besides your usual filth and illegal stuff the dark web is of great use for good purposes, not all is bad.

@LivingInStrangeTimes "You look lovely. I'm not being unkind but why has it become so normalised to upload videos of ourselves in our underwear? You don't have to expose yourself like that to show the garment x"

It has a very “shamey” tone.

A shamey tone 🤣

Such as what? Genuine question. I've only ever heard it mentioned in context of illegal activity. CSA images, drugs and firearms etc.

I use a calorie counting app and a guy posted the other day saying he wanted to post a picture in his boxers but he didn't know whether to as his bulge was very prominent. Quite a number of people suggested that he might like to post in a t shirt covering his bulge instead but apparently he couldn't show us his loss if he wasn't shirtless, and kept banging on about his bulge offending people! It was also suggested he might like to keep the photos for his view only if he was worried about offending but lo and behold, he posted his pics, complete with exaggerated bulge, obviously taken to show it off. Just no need

I have second hand embarrassment for him, what a twat 🤣

It's not Tic Toc any more is flog shop. They started by showing you how it covered up a wobbly tummy ect then became normal.

This is probably not an unbiased source, but gives some idea of why the dark web might be useful. A lot of it is to do with communication when people live somewhere where open communication isn’t encouraged.

https://www.darkreading.com/cyber-risk/the-bright-side-of-the-dark-web

This annoys me too. It’s something I don’t really want or need to see, I just want to see the jumpsuit. The video doesn’t need to start with them in their knickers! This is the same with morning routines, getting ready routines you name it.

My partner is on the men’s bodybuilders protein side of TikTok and he says it’s the same for men, they’ll start a getting ready video in their boxers and then start getting dressed. Or ‘styling this item of clothing’ videos.

Total twat, he must've said "my bulge" around 8 times in his post. Dick...literally

Bloody hell the world really has gone mad 😂

So the men are at it aswell.

If I walked in on my partner filming something like that to post on TikTok I wouldn't be able to look at him the same way again.

It's just embarrassing.

Imagine your kids friends happening upon videos like this, the poor kids would get terrorised for it.

Yes he thinks it is strange as well!

Is this a wind up?

Don’t watch it then. Go and do literally anything else. Why do you care?

I don't want to see it either.

It feels like those people who say it's a feminist stance to be able to walk around naked, in underwear, do onlyfans and be a lap dancer etc. "empowered, taking control"

No you're just losing all respect for yourself and giving sleazy men exactly what they want.

I'm not going looking for it. It's coming through on my phone whilst I'm looking at things I do want to look at.

People are allowed to find things annoying and want to discuss it. You can't police my thoughts and what I post any more than I can police theirs.

I mentioned up thread an acquaintance who had used a boudoir shot as a profile pic. She's a young woman early-mid 20s. Shot showed her in a black bra or cami top with the straps down and a good deal of boob. I think she thinks it looks arty, but it looks tacky. .Empowered my arse. I'd be horrified if I were her mum. I'm not dissing women who get boudoir shots done, they can be tremendously confidence enhancing, but keep them for your bedroom not for public consumption.

Yeah… because a woman’s respect is based on the amount of clothes she wears alright? Hence the reason very religious patriarchal cultures they cover us in long black robes and burkas as that’s how we look the “most respectful”. basically I deserved to be disrespected if I post a picture of myself in a bikini.

Seriously… the internalised misoginy on MN is appalling at times.

As myself and others have suggested, if you don’t interact with the video as you have then your algorithm won’t come up with videos of similar content. I don’t even have TikTok to know that these sorts of videos exist on there. I have Facebook and you can choose to not see videos of a certain nature by clicking it and selecting the “show less” or “hide video option”. If TikTok doesn’t have that option and it bothers you this much then it really isn’t the app for you. It doesn’t mean as you’ve suggested that people are telling you to “stay off the internet”, just from apps that don’t have viewer audience control because you’re clearly much more upset by it than the general consensus seems you should be.

That’s exactly the crux of issues like these, target audience is huge and has to cater to the majority not the minority. By actively interacting with the video by comment you have shown what is perceived as “interest” and more videos may come up like it.

The fact of the matter is that there are many people as you can see by your post who won’t have a problem or will be neutral reading these types of video so based on the fact that money can be made from it then they will continue to show it. Unfortunately no matter what your thoughts on the matter are, they’re not going to stop showing these videos due to a small group of people’s preferences. These platforms assume if you won’t want to watch them then you just will scroll by and not comment. If people weren’t interested in them they wouldn’t garner the views in the first place. The social media platforms then generate money themselves through placing ads on videos that are popular and thus as long as they fall within a legal context they won’t remove them because they will be shooting themselves in the foot too.

The majority of women are progressive enough and have enough common sense to indeed just scroll by without feeling the need to make a negative comment. You need to use your own agency to do the same or you are literally part of the same problem you’re complaining about.

Its interesting how you’ve pointed out that posters can’t/shouldn’t be policing your thoughts or what you post when in reality that’s exactly what you tried to do to that woman in the video with your comment. How is this any different? Just like the woman in the video you have posted your thread publicly and openly asked for the opinions of others. You seem to be annoyed that people are doing exactly that and that they’re in the wrong for doing so. That woman didn’t ask for your opinion on her body, she made a video for her target audience who like viewing those sorts of videos. I’d take a moment to reflect on this because it’s important for you to understand how you words can have an affect on other people just as people have on here have on yours. You can of course post exactly what you like, but I would strongly advise against asking questions that you don’t really want the answer to if it’s likely to be different in opinion to your own. The world/ internet is bigger than just your opinion and that’s your problem to deal with, not the women who made the video.

Context is everything.

It's expected to be seen and even photographed in a bikini at the beach.

I don't know why people keep bringing the beach into it. Nobody has said anything negative about people wearing swimwear at the beach.

This is about people posting videos of themselves in their under crackers at home.

So many are tripping over themselves to justify how it's absolutely fiiiiiiine and totally appropriate. Why don't you do the same and use it as your Facebook profile photo, then see what your family and friends say.