Was I being unkind? Women filming themselves in their pants

[LivingInStrangeTimes]

I was scrolling through tiktok and came across a video of a woman showing a jumpsuit outfit which she is reccomending people buy.

The strange part to me is that the video begins with her standing there in tiny knickers and a bra then she gets dressed into the jumpsuit.

I perhaps shouldn't have said anything at all but left the following comment

"You look lovely. I'm not being unkind but why has it become so normalised to upload videos of ourselves in our underwear? You don't have to expose yourself like that to show the garment x"

Cue a pile on and her getting pissed off because apparently I'm only saying it because of her body type - which had absolutely nothing to do with it for me. We actually look quite similar in the buff!

I'm seeing more and more of these videos and it has become the new normal and done thing on social media for people who want to show clothes, to stand their in their pants beforehand and have you watch them get dressed.

Was I being unreasonable to say what I said and am I unreasonable for thinking its fucking weird and unnecessary?

"I want to show you this dress, but first here's my knickers!"

Edited to add - I mention women specifically because I'm not seeing any of these videos from men.. and nor do I want to 😐

I hear you, OP.

I also dislike the current trend of loo roll adverts showing people actually sitting on the bog with their pants around their ankles. Or farting on the way into the toilet.

It’s bloody revolting. What next, brown smears on a nice big wad of tissue?

Bring back decorum and puppies, please.

This.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a woman in bra and pants and then her showing that. The best bit about all this is the tik tok algorithm has now logged that you’re a) watched it and b) commented so will feed you more of the same 😂

What part of her is she exposing that you are offended by?

Her thighs?

Her bellybutton?

Her toes?

Which part really gets on your goat that you think should be covered?

I follow an IG account who does this, she has a larger stomach and it's really helpful to see the difference in clothes vs underwear

It doesn't bother me at all because there's not much less sexual than a nude strapless bra and a pair of big knickers! If I didn't want to see it I would just click past

This is a common feature for GRWMs on TikTok/Instagram. Regular followers know this, so you probably would have been best to just scroll on if it's not to your taste. Wasn't necessary to comment.

Like this one - I can see how her stomach looks and how the trousers flatter her

www.instagram.com/reel/C6tcLnaiu1j/?igsh=MWRkeGY4Z2kxcG5iNg==

An acquaintance on FB used a boudoir shot as her profile picture. Is this a trend now?

@KimberleyClark 🤣. It kills me.

Its not about being offended.

But when women objectify themselves and, by default, women in general - reduce women to body parts, it makes it more difficult for women to push back against it when men do it.

The problem with that is that men who see women as merely playthings for themselves then also perceive that we also only regard ourselves as merely playthings for them.

If we don't respect ourselves, why should they respect us? If all woman are seen as sexual objects, it makes, for example, rape convictions harder to obtain and men will get off even when there are witnesses to say that they heard her screams as she was dragged down a dark lane and raped in the mud before emerging bloody, naked and distressed. And why? Because she was wearing a lace thong so she was obviously up for it (real life example).

Please educate yourself.

Start with this article www.rte.ie/news/primetime/2024/0416/1443731-13-on-tiktok-self-harm-and-suicide-content-shown-shocks-experts/

Christ. So now women and girls getting raped and assaulted is the fault of other women who don't 'respect themselves'. Great.

And all the boys and men who have been sexually assaulted and raped by other men just weren't 'respecting themselves' either, according to your logic.

How is it disrespectful to show a bellybutton? Jesus Christ! She is covered up so going to the beach in swimwear is disrespectful to women?!

No rape convictions are harder due to rapists and their lies and their supporters and the justice system fudging data. Most rape happens in the home. You are speaking to a rape victim who have met the system and the reason my rapist didn't get held to account despite admitting to it is because of the books and media and the quota.

You think covering up will do that? Nice victim blaming there! Abhorrent.

@LivingInStrangeTimes I really, really don't want my kids on social media absorbing all of the sick shit that is out there.

Why are you watching it then.

You didn't understand my post.

I wasn't excusing rapists or blaming women for rape.

I was talking about the system and how women are perceived and the impact on conviction rates. We all know about rape myths.

When women objectify themselves, it makes those myths harder to challenge because they are based on the premise that women are sexually available at all times.

And, yes, I say that as a rape victim who didn't tell anyone because I knew there was zero chance of securing a conviction.

Women do not have to change their clothes or behaviour according to a moral code that you've invented. And bringing the threat of rape into it as if they somehow deserve it if they don't adhere to your particular brand of modesty is misguided at best.

Rape convictions are low no matter what because society including YOU will blame victims for being raped. A system created by criminals will always support criminals. Stop blaming women. What next, she was out alone so deserved it?

I was naked when I was raped as I was in bed with my partner, so by your standards, I clearly deserved it.

Nope. Still misunderstood the point.

@AGentleMusing I get what you're saying. I see logic in what you're saying and I do not read it as a victim blame statement.

We can see how this might be feeding into a particular perception that isn't really helpful for us.

When women objectify themselves, it makes those myths harder to challenge because they are based on the premise that women are sexually available at all times.

Nope it doesn't - if you relate clothing to being sexually promiscuous then that says a lot about you not us.

Why don't you explain it to me like I'm five. How does a woman demonstrating how her body looks in a jumpsuit affect rape convictions? Why do we have a moral obligation to other women to not demonstrate to others how our bodies look in jumpsuits?

It all sounds very controlling and judgemental from what I see, but you explain to me how it isn't.

No.

But the conviction rates are low because of rape myths.

Some people are trying to educate on rape myths and point out that women aren't sexually available to any man at all times but even women are presented as sexually available at all times either in films, on TV or on their own social media, those myths become harder to challenge.

And may of those young 'empowered' women are doing it precisely because they don't understand the.social mechanisms at play. They don't understand whose hands they are playing into.

So I'm actually making the opposite point than the one you are arguing against.

I font care if people disagree but at least argue against the point I'm making and not one you've made up in your head.

People are saying the system and rape myths are responsible. Yes. I agree.

@AGentleMusing nope, your logic still doesn't bear out - from another woman who never reported what happened to me either.

The thing is, women are often not going to be believed in the patriarchal system. No matter what we wear, how we act, the system just does not prioritise us.

I know it is nice to think there is an easy solution to this - dress modestly, we'll all be ok - but it's just not that simple. We could all be covered head to toe and it wouldn't make the tiniest bit of difference.

No they are low because rapists lie and society believes them and because ppl like you victim blame so ppl do not report believing that they brought it on themselves.

The rate is low mainly because of the quota that lets rapists walk free without even being charged.

Thank you! She thinks covered women get justice, they do not. In countries where women are covered religiously they get less justice as there are other excuses!