I’ll try and keep this simple and brief!
. Married to DH for 4 years, together 7.
. I have DD age 21 from previous marriage, she is away from home at uni part of the time.
. DH has 2 boys 15 and 23. 15 yr old stays every weekend. We get on great - zero issues there.
I have an ongoing issue with my husbands lack of ability to tolerate having anyone else in our home or seemingly having to share my “attention”. Every time my daughter comes home from uni he sulks, makes comments to me about her and why she is always at home, doesn’t go out more, why she is always wanting to spend time with me and how he feels uncomfortable with her being in the house and how it’s far too intense and he can only manage her in “small doses”. He is generally pleasant to her face but will moan and sulk around me and be short tempered. For info, when she is home she pretty much works full time to save for Uni costs and has friends who she sees but is not one for going out lots at night (we live quite rurally there’s not much to do, she is at uni in a big city so socialises more there naturally!). She is tidy, quiet, cares for our dogs while we go on holiday…no bother that I can see. Yes she likes to talk to me a lot but that’s normal, surely! We are very close as we were a duo for a long time before he came on the scene.
She’s due to finish uni next year and there’s a strong chance she will come home to complete a PGCE. He will absolutely hate this, and is already making noises about how he can’t see “an end to this” and how relentless it is.
My Mum has just been here for 5 days from abroad, I’ve not seen her since Christmas. Admittedly the timing wasn’t the best as we came back from holiday the day before she arrived and he still had a week of annual leave but there was zero expectation of him while she was here, I spent time with her and we went out most days doing different things. She asked us to go for a meal one evening and at the last minute he refused as he said he had nothing to say to her and he didn’t want it to be obvious that he didn’t want to be there. I was quite happy with this as just me mum and my DD went and it was lovely but he has sulked hugely since as we had a nice time. Last night he ignored us all and stomped off to eat his dinner in the garden, even though we had been out all day and not been bothering him.
My Mum left today, he is still pretty much ignoring me. I have asked what’s up and why he is still being off with me and he says he isn’t, that he just has “nothing to say to me” and that I don’t place as much importance on our relationship as he does, and he needs to just lower his expectations and be more like me and not give a shit. She usually visits again at Christmas and I'm dreading it, as I am already dreading my daughter coming back from Uni for the holidays because last year was AWFUL with him being vile for several days.
I’m very sure I’m not in the wrong here? He’s being such a massive arsehole. I can’t articulate to him how it makes me feel, he shuts me down and turns it round to me not valuing “Us” and how he is the more invested one and I don’t care…I need a way to explain to him that he is being a massive dick head. Help?!
PS- I have been considering ending things, this has been going on for several years now…but it’s complicated- not off the table but needs some planning in terms of logistics and finances.