Mums of sons. (Hard hat on for this)

[Daniagainagainagainagain]

Apologies for the grabby title. I've NC'd for this as I have a few running threads currently with very outing and personal details on.

Anyway back to the point.
I see SO many threads on here where the topic about the thread is about a guy. It's not even necessarily bad about the bloke in question, but so many many posters just seem to hate men. Not give them the benefit of the doubt. Tear them a new arsehole for merely posting on MN asking for advice. There was a thread recently about a woman seeing a really nice guy, a gentlemen as she described him where he had been separated for literally YEARS but wasn't divorced. Turns out there were cultural differences meaning divorce in that country is very rare. People kept saying 'throw him back in the sea' 'he's a liar' one poster called him a wanker.. there was no evidence that he was a wanker and the OP seemed happy with the guy. Just more people clutching for their moment to berate men. It's always the guys fault on here no matter what.

It's always the same posters more often than not berating men, shooting them down, and just hating them. I wonder, do these women posters have sons? If so, do you think your sons are exempt from such awful insults because 'my boy would never'? I can't imagine these posters talking about their sons like that. So do you pick and choose, is it one rule for your sons and one for all other men?

Before it labelled being 'cool' I have just got out of a 10 year abusive relationship where ex cheated multiple times to the point of police involvement. I am not naive to think some of these guys deserve what they get.

AIBU? To think there's huge double standards? To call strangers with no reason to, wankers, but to also think the son shines out of your son's arses?

I know I'll probably ruffle some feathers but I'd genuinely like to know. And yes I have DC.

Good for you, and I'm glad you managed to escape. But my point is that sometimes a woman who has been abused in one relationship can miss signs in other people's relationships so your post saying that MN can come across as extreme with all the LTB, and "man hatred" is actually you still having the blinkers on. You are not there yet.

Oh i feel the exact same! people are veryy quick to be very judgy towards any man, but the moment that same scenario is turned around and it is a woman, they're always much more lenient. Guess its just part of being the most hated person right now. White, cisgender male.
I know i'll get so much hate, but i sometimes feel like we take all the blame off the woman. Doesn't matter what she did, her dh/boyfriend is an absolute jerk! LTB!

Out of curiosity, when would I be 'there?'

Why would my viewpoint change? I've always had this view point for as long as I've been able to see the misandry. I don't think therapy and professionals will change my stance on that. I'm interested to hear your point on it though.

No. Any more than I worry that the tidal wave of violence against women will make them go out on the streets looking for men to stab.

I think most mothers protective instinct for their offspring is different. Whilst they do not agree or like certain behaviour, it is their child nonetheless and a protective wall goes up, because criticism of him shows up his family inc yourself.

Others on this thread have already said it so I won't repeat it. But sometimes you really do need to look at the under tone/layer of a post rather than take everything at face value. Some people can't but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist or that the ones who see it are being mean or OTT.

I think it might do. Just like some people whose racism is challenged flee into the open arms of fascists, some men whose sexism is challenged flee into the open arms of misogynists. But the problem isn’t the challenge, it’s the failure to appreciate privilege and fragility in the face of challenge.

OP, PLEASE just hit "quote" when replying to a specific user.

You seem to be cut and pasting which makes it look like you are saying what we said and then we are replying to ourselves.

It makes it very difficult to keep track.

@Daniagainagainagainagain

Do you personally know any woman who has been killed by their partner?

You said this to a poster who noted that every three days a woman is killed by a man.

Can I ask why you responded that way?

Do you not believe that statistic? Is the statistic somehow less valid to you if shared by a poster who doesn't personally know a women who has been killed by their partner?

Genuinely, what was your reasoning behind that being your response to someone sharing a chilling and proven statistic about the rates at which women are being murdered by men?

If someone posted on this thread that X number of women are raped each week in the UK, would you respond "do you personally know any women who have been raped?"

I do have a son. I feel the same way.

But that could have easily been a male friend.

You have different worries about a son to a daughter. But getting accused by drunk person of assault and not being charged could happen to either sex by either sex.

I don’t get why that story would make you especially concerned about men?

Even when women are assaulted by men they are rarely charged. Have you seen the young women who was hit by a man in Nando’s recently. He hit her with a plate. The police were right there. And didn’t even take the man’s details and let him leave. Then proceeded to spend an hour trying to get the girl to not press charges. When she complained their supervisor stood up for them and said it was a simple mistake but wouldn’t let her press charges. Only when it hit social media have the police apologised and started investigating it. There was CCTV! And then still didn’t do anything. They didn’t even take his name or any details. And they accused her of probably being rude IE ‘it was your fault a grown man hit you with a plate’.

If you are worried about your children or future children not getting fair treatment by the police or justice system, it’s mainly your girls you need to worry about.

Also, men are approximately 230 times more likely to be raped by another man than they are to be falsely accused of sexual assault.

You really do seem to be regurgitating a lot of red pill rhetoric.

A damn sight rather than actual assaults.

Indeed. This entire thread is red pill.

Agreed, there's a comment I found on YouTube that I think rather lines up with this...

"I say this as a straight guy, but I feel we're just waaaaay too hemmed in from both the leftists ("masculinity is toxic!") and the rightists ("Be a real man, pussy!").

We need to get away from Masculinity is good/evil. This is a false dichotomy. Masculinity is good and evil, as is femininity. Patriarchy, toxic masculinity, etc. is a simplification, it simplifies and conceals a reality that's much more nuanced and complicated then the ideologues on either side want to acknowledge."

i love men.not all of them.
i absolutely love and cherish my sons. yes i do agree there is often extreme anti men responses which if were used in as "generalised"way bout woman would be deemed chauvanistic and mysoginy.
there are a lot of insights on here that have forced me to include reserch in order to educate nd equip the boys with this knowledge.some of its utterly appalling and extremist. just like in real life.
i think you just have to hope that people have enough capacity to translate adopt,adapt,wipe out,varied opinions into something they can tangibly use as advise?

I've been in two abusive relationships, I've been sexually harassed and assaulted by several men and not one of them has faced a single consequence. So yes I'm angry, sometimes I feel very bitter. I would rather live in a world where women don't have to feel like prey.

I have a lovely partner now and lovely male friends, so I'm well aware that it's not all men. The point is that men are able to get away with this behaviour over and over and over again.

Not all men who do bad things are evil. I think we society we need to think about how to educate young boys to treat girls and women better. I don't have sons but if I did I would want to think about how to raise them to be better.

I'm also not sure which threads you mean, if you have specific examples then at least link to them.

I can absolutely understand why a lot of women feel angry towards men though. I'm surprised you can't. Again, it's obviously not all men. But it is far too many of them.

Yes , people are very quick to jump to divorce, what a CF etc....but when the other way round it's all hugs and sympathy. That said there are some genuinely horrible, nasty men out there and MN can be a haven of support for women in relationships with them.

On a similar note being asked to do any kind of childcare for step children, you'd think it was the end of days. If you get in a relationship with someone who has a child, that child should be the priority.
They're quick enough to say this when it's the OPs child. The amount of excluded/'seen as not quite as important as those birth children' step children - often quite deliberately and "justifiably" - in MN land is really quite depressing!

Poor kids, they didn't ask to be born or have step parents, if you're an adult in their life, then act like one and offer some fucking nurture.

I think this, plus some of the general man-hating, may contribute to how gender disappointment posts are almost always about having boys. I think there is a general feeling on here that females are superior.

I see a lot of man hating on here and it really isn't good for anyone. Sometimes the responses completely dismiss that the woman could have done any wrong and go straight to berating men and LTB. It isn't good for women to be advised that the man is always wrong and they should be expecting perfection and never reflecting on their own behaviour and making efforts to improve themselves and their relationships. It isn't good for working through conflict, maintaining healthy relationships, raising fair, thoughtful and resilient boys and girls. I'm sure many more things are at detriment from the attitude of some women towards men. MN is the only place I see it.
I fully understand there is a lot of sexism towards women in the world and equality for women is what we need to fight for but that isn't the way to do it.

No, the poster you are quoting said some of the women. So not putting all women I to the same category.
To be honest the whole cool girl thing in your post just makes you look silly. Nobody is trying to be a cool girl. It just seems to be a phrase that people on here try to use in a derogatory way to women that dare to have a different opinion.

This is an excellent example of the point I think OP was trying to make - ie lack of nuance. The “men are bad” or “men are killers” line is pointless. And the silliness and superficiality of such posturing, as it occurs on a macro or national level, actually hinders the search for solutions to the very real problem of a minority of dangerous/violent men.

Agree with this. There’s a good example on a thread atm where a 16 year old girl had a one night stand after using fake ID to her into a club and pretending to be older. It didn’t take long for posters to start suggesting she was groomed/raped, when absolutely nothing in the OP had suggested that.

@Newposter180 I think you're onto something then.

99% of sex disappointment on here comes with a baby boy.

I think there is some link here.

I am married to the son of a woman who knows exactly what a red flag is, what violence and hate many, many men are capable of. VAWG is at epidemic levels, and it is underpinned by a misogynistic society. I'm so glad of it as she has brought up a well rounded, empathetic man who shares my life properly. I have been with men whose mothers love to whinge about those nasty feminists demonising all men, and how they will all kill themselves if that is pointed out - and their sons were wankers. I will be bringing my beautiful boys up as my MiL did. Neither she, nor I see criticism of sexist culture as man hate. Shame so many women do.

I'd stay off Reddit, OP, when you see what the men say to and about women on there, you'll explode with apoplexy. Or maybe not.