Mums of sons. (Hard hat on for this)

[Daniagainagainagainagain]

Apologies for the grabby title. I've NC'd for this as I have a few running threads currently with very outing and personal details on.

Anyway back to the point.
I see SO many threads on here where the topic about the thread is about a guy. It's not even necessarily bad about the bloke in question, but so many many posters just seem to hate men. Not give them the benefit of the doubt. Tear them a new arsehole for merely posting on MN asking for advice. There was a thread recently about a woman seeing a really nice guy, a gentlemen as she described him where he had been separated for literally YEARS but wasn't divorced. Turns out there were cultural differences meaning divorce in that country is very rare. People kept saying 'throw him back in the sea' 'he's a liar' one poster called him a wanker.. there was no evidence that he was a wanker and the OP seemed happy with the guy. Just more people clutching for their moment to berate men. It's always the guys fault on here no matter what.

It's always the same posters more often than not berating men, shooting them down, and just hating them. I wonder, do these women posters have sons? If so, do you think your sons are exempt from such awful insults because 'my boy would never'? I can't imagine these posters talking about their sons like that. So do you pick and choose, is it one rule for your sons and one for all other men?

Before it labelled being 'cool' I have just got out of a 10 year abusive relationship where ex cheated multiple times to the point of police involvement. I am not naive to think some of these guys deserve what they get.

AIBU? To think there's huge double standards? To call strangers with no reason to, wankers, but to also think the son shines out of your son's arses?

I know I'll probably ruffle some feathers but I'd genuinely like to know. And yes I have DC.

Hope you feel better now thats of your chest.
Thank you for the feedback have a good day.

I guess part of the problem is we have seen this play out for millenia.

You get a woman saying she thinks her husband is having a breakdown. Many posters will state positively he is having an affair, she's all no, no he wouldnt do that to me we've been married 25 years. Turns out he is having an affair and using the script. Every single time.

So when a man shows the usual signs, we tell her, to warn her. Get her ducks in a row, etc.
When a man posts, it usually him taking his wife for granted. Hes asked does he do any parenting, does he do any of the mental load, he pshaws at that, tells us that's what his wife is for, and we immediately know, he is the same type of man we warn women about.
Or an incel.

When you do this long enough, you can read between the lines.
How many women say oh no hes a fabulous dad, and later on in the thread realise they are not even getting bare minimum out of him. Hes definitely not a great dad.

As for us with sons, my son has broken some hearts,that's life, but I do believe he would do his fair share in the house and mental load. And if I found out that he thinks its solely the womans job, I'd be having a very strong word with him.

I believe it is. And a glance at the paper- or indeed just talking to my DD- reminds me that women on MN aren't the only ones with bad experiences.

As far as my daughter is concerned her husband IS raising their children. He is working the long hours that he does to give them the best life possible.

I don't think the suicide rates reflect your point, unfortunately.

@KendraTheVampyrSlayer any woman who says another woman can't decide for themselves they get on better with men is the problem

I get on better with men

And I find it impossible to imagine how so many women on here ever had children, because it involves shagging a despised man, and risking giving birth to one

I've said it many times before, it is hardly surprising that the biggest killer of young men is suicide

I did go through a stage of hating and fearing men: as a result of a tumultuous experiences with men from childhood onwards.
After a lot of trauma work, I no longer hate men, have healthy friendships with men, choose not to date and am at peace with shitty choices I made regarding men in my past.
I am very much pro-women, though, so seeing any female mistreated by a male does make my blood boil and stirs up of feelings of resentment towards men, but...I'm at peace with that.

Hard agree

I have sons. We’ve had many ‘double-standards’ discussions. They’ve argued they’re far more at risk of attack on the streets, but more concern is shown to young women’s safety. They’ve complained about being told off by female teachers for talking in class, while girls are constantly chatting.

Like many young men, they’re not immune from the backwash of Tate and his ilk. I’ve had to challenge their views many times and spent a lot of time chatting to them about the patriarchal, sexist society we live in and how it affects men too. But how they must understand how it affects women. How hard we’ve had to fight even to get to where we are now. Things aren’t equally as bad for men because society’s constructed to meet men’s needs. How men also need to question the ‘usual way of doing things’ and play their part to ensure equity.

I’ve also had to explain many times that hating some socially typical/still acceptable male behaviour (eg expecting women to do more than their share of household chores or childcare) is v different to hating men. We should all hate male behaviour that’s disrespectful to women and not want any woman to feel she has to tolerate it. Including from our sons.

I'm on my phone app, I'm happy to have voting enabled! Can I do this on a desk top or can you do it? @MNQH

Op, it's a fine line to balance. I have a DS who I love beyond all things. He is kind, generous, occasionally selfish as most teenagers are.

I grew up with an abusive and violent father. I cannot bring myself to trust a man. I just can't. I watched him abuse my dm for 16 years. He set out systematically to undermine, control and damage me and my sisters.

I had further bad experiences with men as an adult, and have chosen to withdraw completely from male social life. My decision.

But I am very careful to show a balanced and welcoming view to my DS. To value him and his opinions. To welcome his male friends. At the same time to teach him to respect the girls and women around him.

I think about that issue probably more than any other aspect of parenting. I'm determined history will not repeat itself. My DS will not grow up with the shabby/nasty values of either his f or his grandf if I can possibly help it.

I'm sure a lot of mums on here are equally focused.

Agree, but the woman is also hugely to blame in that circumstance for settling down and putting up with the behaviour.

but alienating half the population (and any woman who has brothers/sons for that matter) is not the answer and it sure as shit doesn't help women's rights

I have a son and I am not in the least bit alienated by most discussions on MN, though I haven't seen the thread that OP refers to.

I have a daughter, I worry about her too.

I was SA'd as a child and I've just come out of a long and abusive relationship. Of course I worry about her.

One of my brother's put up with a lot off his ex wife. We got on ok with her just didn't like the way she spoke to him. I remember one time they were at our house DN was sat on her knee. She's there Brian Brian can you tuck her vest in. Brian can you do this do. I know there was one time she told him to bath the baby after he just got home from working a night shift. He told me about another time she sent him upstairs to get some socks for niece. Every pair he brought down weren't right. If he was there he had to do it. But it was her that wanted a divorce she met someone else. She did him a favour she's still with him and they had a child. Best of it is we think she was put off having anymore DC with my brother because my two and my other brother's two children are all on the autistic spectrum. But the child she had with the other bloke has autism.

I have been out of my relationship for nearly a year.
I've been having therapy for the last 2 years. If it wasn't for therapy and IVDA I would've struggled to come out of the relationship. The whole 'it takes 7 times to leave' resonates.

I am still in therapy now and will be for the foreseeable. That includes the freedom programme.

One common theme that riles me is the insistence women never stop their children from seeing their dads.
They do, parental alienation is real, I've seen the torment caused when a woman uses her children as weapons. I know personally of 2 men who took their own lives because of this

But you see time and time again it must just be that the men couldn't be bothered to fight to see their children. Of course this happens, but so does the opposite

But when they are home they can still parent their child. They can model decent, respectful male behaviour to their sons. A lot of men work long hours, come home and demand their dinner and berate their wives for the state of the house and then fuck off down the gym for a few hours. Their sons are watching and learning. Others come home and pick up the slack and speak kindly and respectfully to their wives. Their sons are watching and learning too.

You see that's funny because I get on better with people who don't have preconceived notions about someone based on their sex. I doubt we'd get on at all in RL because I don't have a penis. Personally, I prefer to base my judgement of people on their personalities rather than whether they have a Y chromosome or not, but I guess that's just me.

Do people wonder if misandry, generalisations about men (as the song goes) and men-hating might make impressionable young minds more susceptible to the likes of Andrew Tate and his ilk?

Or even less susceptible for that matter?

'You get a woman saying she thinks her husband is having a breakdown. Many posters will state positively he is having an affair, she's all no, no he wouldnt do that to me we've been married 25 years. Turns out he is having an affair and using the script. Every single time.'
@Bodeganights

Did you see the thread where the OP contracted chlamydia, and the hysteria over her husband cheating on her, 'doing the script' and LTB. When the OP said her husband is shaken and shocked about the diagnosis, the husband was also 'doing the script'?

One or two sensible posters who weren't trying to rile the OP up suggested that she took a retest. She did and it was negative, the GP confirmed that they got the test mixed up and she was given the wrong result.

It's not every single time. It is a lot of the time, but not every single time.

My (now adult) stepson’s mother was a very vocal “men are useless” type person, based on her own upbringing and relationships I guess, where the men did seem to have let her down with depressing regularity. I found it really odd when she would slag off men in front of her young son - the penny never seemed to drop, she just didn’t see him as a future man I don’t think? Now as an adult, he just rolls his eyes at her and laughs. I guess it’s easier to tell in real life the difference between occasional frustration and genuine hatred.

.

I think that everyone should be judged as an individual and it’s idiotic to do anything else.

There’s a group of fourth wave feminists on here who seem to take over every thread relating in any way to men as a group, and no-one is allowed to argue.

I think it probably does make young men more susceptible to that sort of thing. Let's be honest: the "white people are the devil" trope that some leftists have been pushing in recent years has probably pushed some white people further to the right. I'd be surprised if the same isn't happening with young men.