Mums of sons. (Hard hat on for this)

[Daniagainagainagainagain]

Apologies for the grabby title. I've NC'd for this as I have a few running threads currently with very outing and personal details on.

Anyway back to the point.
I see SO many threads on here where the topic about the thread is about a guy. It's not even necessarily bad about the bloke in question, but so many many posters just seem to hate men. Not give them the benefit of the doubt. Tear them a new arsehole for merely posting on MN asking for advice. There was a thread recently about a woman seeing a really nice guy, a gentlemen as she described him where he had been separated for literally YEARS but wasn't divorced. Turns out there were cultural differences meaning divorce in that country is very rare. People kept saying 'throw him back in the sea' 'he's a liar' one poster called him a wanker.. there was no evidence that he was a wanker and the OP seemed happy with the guy. Just more people clutching for their moment to berate men. It's always the guys fault on here no matter what.

It's always the same posters more often than not berating men, shooting them down, and just hating them. I wonder, do these women posters have sons? If so, do you think your sons are exempt from such awful insults because 'my boy would never'? I can't imagine these posters talking about their sons like that. So do you pick and choose, is it one rule for your sons and one for all other men?

Before it labelled being 'cool' I have just got out of a 10 year abusive relationship where ex cheated multiple times to the point of police involvement. I am not naive to think some of these guys deserve what they get.

AIBU? To think there's huge double standards? To call strangers with no reason to, wankers, but to also think the son shines out of your son's arses?

I know I'll probably ruffle some feathers but I'd genuinely like to know. And yes I have DC.

Majority of men I come in contact with are arseholes. I don’t think my son is because I’m raising him to act in ways I don’t think are arseholeish. I can both believe that the male I interact with is an arsehole and believe my son isn’t one at the same time, I’m confused why you think that shouldn’t be allowed?

Unless I’ve massively misunderstood something along the way, which wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest, and if so I apologise!

Yes! I remember the thread about the orgies and I do remember rolling my eyes thinking if a man had posted the exact same dilemma how wildly different the responses would have been!

OP do you read MN? Because there are posters like that on every single thread.
If you posted what filling should I have with my ham sandwich, there would be some posters berating you for eating ham and posting as if ham was the Devil's food.
Just read MN and you will see this. Stop trying to draw conclusions that are made up.

I would link, but then that would be a TAAT which isn't allowed, obviously.

re so called “double standards” I will give most women who post about their problems on MN the benefit of the doubt. I will assume positive intent and that they are being accurate about the issue. Because experience dictates that most are.

i will not with men. I will assume - because 20+ years on MN tells me that in the majority of cases I’m right - that men have an ulterior motive to posting, that they come with ill intent, to seek written validation that they can use offline to berate their partner; to invade their DPs safe space; to pick up women; or to otherwise troll.

I hate men posting on MN. Time and time again male posters are shown to be arrogant, abusive creeps and bullies. Many MNers have the same experience so if a man starts posting about how awful his wife is I’m going to be suspicious and give him short shrift.

Oooo, another patroniser.
Who are you to take away others experiences? Well they quite obviously aren't made up when there are a huge number of replies to this thread agreeing with me.

It's humorous how you've cherry picked my topic about men, but haven't said the same thing about MILs, step parenting etc on this thread, but you minimise the topic of misandry towards men.
Fitting, and proving my point.

At best it's pointless and utterly futile in advancing feminism and solving the problem of VAWG and at worse it makes impressionable young minds more susceptible to Andrew Tate and his ilk.

The point in making is about posters who 'hate all men.'

Not posters who hate some men.

Most men on here are idiots though. Lazy, selfish, abusers, addicts the list is endless. I hated the man I was married to, my ex before that I wouldn't live with a man now. I have a son and I will raise him better so he doesn't end up like his father

Your son's father might have been raised incredibly well by his own mother but that might've not had a meaningful impact on preventing whatever caused you to hate him.

Women can be arseholes and abusive too as evidenced on MN.

I've just seen a thread (as an example) by a 40 year old man whose female partner has kicked him. He's been told unanimously (at the time of me writing this) that she is not a safe partner, is abusive and that he is a victim of assault so should end the relationship. People have sympathised and been (quite rightly) supportive and taken it seriously.

This isn't unusual on here. I've seen a number of threads by men in abusive relationships (including a couple of long running threads) where they are being emotionally abused or coercively controlled, with lots of support and kindness for them.

You may well be missing that side of the site by focusing on the posts that support your narrative / opinion that most people on here are misandrists.

The same posters over and over again posting at how much they hate men.

And yet I bet if I asked you for the names of the posters you wouldn’t be able to name a single one.

The rate at which MNers name change is incredible, there’s simply no way you have a list of posters.

You think that by repeating a fallacy it becomes fact but people see through this.

And yet you did exactly the same.

You post your out of a long terrible relationship by a year and then have the temerity to say women should know better?, not put up with such behaviour.

And I reckon if youd come on here a long time ago at the beginning of your terrible relationship with the querys you had then, you would have been out sooner.

Do you really feel that the majority of men you come into contact with are arseholes? I think there are plenty of horrible men around (as evidenced by the relationship threads), but I would never think that applies to more than 50% of men that I come across at work, on transport, in restaurants, etc. I simply wouldn’t know they well enough to judge.

What a weird thread. The OP clearly is not keen to hear any opinion that contradicts their own so I'm not sure why I'm going to bother adding my two pence worth but there we are. In my social circle there are some incredible and brilliant men. Some of my friends have been married to absolutely awful men and despite managing to leave those terrible relationships, are still having to deal with their exes controlling them through their children and the divorce terms. I have 2 boys. I love them dearly, obviously. However I am not blind to the fact that despite that DH is an excellent husband and father, and that my boys are good people, men as a sex class are more likely to abuse, murder and be violent. You keep asking for a forum where you can see examples of men being awful. You just need to look at the comments under any reel posted by a woman on Facebook or Instagram to see just how awful and incel like plenty of men are. Of course, some women are awful. But let's be honest, men are the ones who commit the murders and rapes. Of other men too. Men are the problem and I will do my best bring my boys up to be better and to understand that both women and men deserve to be respected - neither men nor women are better than the other, but we cannot ignore that VAWG is getting worse and not better.

How on earth have you come to that assumption? What a weird response.. there are plenty of replies where I've said it was food for thought, or interesting, and I've further asked questions as I would like to speak about it on both sides.

Perhaps you need to turn yourself off and back on again, then reread.

@Bodeganights

What are you on about? A woman putting up with a bloke shining his golf balls is very different to a physically and emotionally mentally abusive relationship. Check yourself.

@angeldelite I've also seen plenty. It is a thing.

Go on then, name someone.

The reason the woman got picked apart for dating a ‘gentleman’ isn’t anything to do with hating men it’s good old fashioned misogyny against women.

Other posters can't believe a woman is happily dating a man. She must be too thick to see how awful he is. So a bunch of random women on the internet decide to undermine her interpretation of the situation and knock her down.

@Daniagainagainagainagain will conveniently miss this post because it doesn't fit her narrative.

I am married to an amazing man. My 22y son is decent and respectful. Both men in my life often despair at how many men behave and they feel that men are responsible for so much shit in the world.

It is fine to point that out and be aware. It doesn’t mean any of us ‘hate men’. Calling out poor behaviour is not ‘man-hating’.

Most OPs get ripped to shreds. They are usually women. So are the posters criticising them all ‘anti-women’?

i can read ‘anti-men’ comments without feeling all outraged and defensive for my son. Because he is a decent man so I know the comments don’t apply to him.

I think the nature of MN is that people complain about the men in their lives who are arseholes.
It’s rare to find a post ‘this man in my life is fabulous how about yours?’
I have noticed generational changes in men as I have in women but there is an awful lot that stays the same. The Venus and Mars thing is real.
Just for the record my DP is great, my late dad was an absolute gentleman. However, I have been out with some weapons-grade idiots and I cringe at how I allowed myself to be treated.
I don’t have kids but the sons of my closest friends are all brilliant lads.
I do worry about the men of all ages into the Tate-style propaganda. That is corrosive.
But I think most people I know just try to do their best by their kids and it’s tough in 2024.
So I’ll just raise a Peggy Mitchell toast today to the great fellas I know.

Last year it was 107. I didn’t know any of these women. Does that mean it didn’t happen? Or it doesn’t matter?