Mums of sons. (Hard hat on for this)

[Daniagainagainagainagain]

Apologies for the grabby title. I've NC'd for this as I have a few running threads currently with very outing and personal details on.

Anyway back to the point.
I see SO many threads on here where the topic about the thread is about a guy. It's not even necessarily bad about the bloke in question, but so many many posters just seem to hate men. Not give them the benefit of the doubt. Tear them a new arsehole for merely posting on MN asking for advice. There was a thread recently about a woman seeing a really nice guy, a gentlemen as she described him where he had been separated for literally YEARS but wasn't divorced. Turns out there were cultural differences meaning divorce in that country is very rare. People kept saying 'throw him back in the sea' 'he's a liar' one poster called him a wanker.. there was no evidence that he was a wanker and the OP seemed happy with the guy. Just more people clutching for their moment to berate men. It's always the guys fault on here no matter what.

It's always the same posters more often than not berating men, shooting them down, and just hating them. I wonder, do these women posters have sons? If so, do you think your sons are exempt from such awful insults because 'my boy would never'? I can't imagine these posters talking about their sons like that. So do you pick and choose, is it one rule for your sons and one for all other men?

Before it labelled being 'cool' I have just got out of a 10 year abusive relationship where ex cheated multiple times to the point of police involvement. I am not naive to think some of these guys deserve what they get.

AIBU? To think there's huge double standards? To call strangers with no reason to, wankers, but to also think the son shines out of your son's arses?

I know I'll probably ruffle some feathers but I'd genuinely like to know. And yes I have DC.

Yep, I see what you mean. This came up on a recent thread and one poster said quite rightly, that the only solution is education, and that will take time to feed in.

'Honestly of all the things I worry about raising young men, and there's a LOT to worry about, a bit of judgement and stereotyping from women on the internet is not even on my radar. I can assure you it's not on theirs either. They KNOW men can be absolute bastards, they've had first hand experience. You don't need to worry about their feelings, I promise'

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice

I would like to have a second child one day, and if I was blessed with a son, I would worry about it I think. I don't know for sure as I'm not there yet. My younger brothers (teens) I worry about. Of course I don't know who they'll turn out like, but they're lovely, respectable young men and I worry about the stigma towards them. My brother went out to a bar and one of his female friends was obliterated, too drunk to function. She attempted to drive home. My brother threatened her with the police and she stumbled to her car and put the keys in the ignition. Whilst another friend called the police, my brother grabbed the keys from the ignition and shoved her arm away when she tried to grab them back to drink drive home, potentially killing someone. She tried to get him done for assault because she 'didn't consent to being touched.'

That's a completely true story. If there were no witnesses he could've been done and charged with a criminal record for assaulting a young woman.

That's why I worry.

I guess I just don't care if a few men get offended (don't come here then). This forum is one of very few places online (and offline) where women's voices are centered and their points of view are seen.

I have a son but not sure why that would change my view. He's human so yes why wouldn't he act like men commonly do in future.

Men (including my son) don't need you to defend them, they are doing completely fine.

If the husband is your brother or friend and you don't know the woman, I think most people would advise to tell him

So you saw the actual words "I hate all black people" and "hate all white people", and MNHQ didn't delete those posts?

I find that very hard to believe but ok if you've seen it, I certainly haven't.

However, I've repeatedly seen posts (like the one on this thread) saying "I hate all men", and they're left to stand.

Or maybe if their fathers put as much effort into raising them as their mothers they'd turn out well balanced. They grow up thinking women are beneath them because that's what their deadbeat dads teach them.

Have you considered the possibility that the father was the one going out to work every day while the mother looked after the children? Just a thought...

The double standards on MN are insane. The most extreme example I've seen was a thread a few months ago where a poster had told her boyfriend that she used to go have orgies with strangers. He told her he found this "a bit wild" and that he needed time to think. MN called him a cunt, a manipulative bastard and so on, and said he must be terrible in bed. There's not a chance in hell a woman would have been called those things on MN if the roles were reversed - in fact, he would have been called a pervert and she would have been told him to dump him.

There were even a recent thread about paternity fraud where a poster said that if a woman cheats on her husband and lets him think the resulting baby is his, it's his own fault for not using a condom. Just... WTF. No couple should ever have sex without a condom? No couple should ever try for a baby?

Of course, this isn't reflective of the real world, where it's the other way round: the odds are stacked against women, and women are constantly expected to put themselves last. But I would never ask for relationship advice on MN, because I know I'd get completely skewed responses.

What century do you hail from? Most mothers that I know work as well.

YANBU I'm sick of man-bashing and believe me, I came for the feminist boards as I'm against gender ideology and its impact on women

but alienating half the population (and any woman who has brothers/sons for that matter) is not the answer and it sure as shit doesn't help women's rights

also there tends to be a belittling of anything that men go through

any chance you could enable voting, Op?- I find that so informative rather than the shouty posts that bully people into feeling that their view is a minority one

But it would only be double standards if it’s the same posters doing that.

And don’t you see how people may struggle with that, not because of the sex of the person cheating. But because of the relationship of the Op to the person. In both situations the Op is friends with the woman. That makes it a harder decision.

Most people would hesitate dropping their friend in the shit if they did something wrong. But also tell their friend if something wrong was being done to them and they didn’t know.

Thats not about the sex of the people cheating. It’s about the relationships.

Do you think men don’t do the same? Would men tell their best friend his girlfriend was cheating on him, but would also protect the friend if he was the one cheating?

Fair enough, that's the sort of answer I was interested in hearing, and at least you're honest about it too.

Do you think you'd have felt the same if you had a son? (Sorry if that's a bit offensive)

I know we shouldn't slap someone for being a blithering idiot but some women on here seem to assume their blokes don't need to do anything except shine their knobs golf balls all day rather than do some housework or look after their children or deal with their own mother. So a lot of posters call out the knobshining and tell the blithering idiot to dumb the arse. Quite fair.

But I quite agree sometimes it does get a tad aggressive. It's so easy to tear others limb from limb when there's no comeback. Such is social media.

Firstly, many mothers work.

And secondly, working doesn’t mean you don’t hold responsibility for parenting the children. Work doesn’t stop you parenting.

If parenting is the issue, it’s both mother and fathers that would be responsible for how a child is raised. Wouldn’t it?

Food for thought, for absolute sure!

I have a son. I have to say the last thing I worry about is that he will be the victim of a false allegation. The very last thing. Doesn't even figure on my radar.
I also have a daughter. Guess what I worry about?

And several I know are SAHMs, my daughter being one of them while her husband works almost 50 hours per week.

Before it labelled being 'cool' I have just got out of a 10 year abusive relationship where ex cheated multiple times to the point of police involvement.

Normally once you have been in one abusive relationship you have a higher chance of going into another unless you do intensive therapy as you cannot see the beginnings of abuse clearly. This actually is a thing. This suggests that you cannot see the many undertones on these threads and probably take it all at face value. You can't see what the other posters are seeing.

As an aside, have you done The Freedom Programme yet? It is highly recommended.

This.

Ok, fine. And do you think your daughter would be happy to have her husband described as not raising his children?

Even if men are the only ones working in a family, it doesn't mean that they don't have the power and obligation to raise their children too. Just like all the working folk do.

And also, if genuinely you know most people who are SAHMs throughout the child's whole childhood and not just the preschool years, you move in circles more privileged than most.

I didn't say anything to the contrary, but obviously if someone is out working long hours then they're unable to be at home to look after the children.

Any woman who says "I get on better with men" is part of the enabling problem. And yes, you're a "cool girl". Just like you're complaining about posters generalising all men as bad, here you are putting all women in the same category. Hypocrisy.

The point I'm getting at, is there's a huge amount of posters who don't even read the OPs posts and just berate the men

There are plenty of posters on here who don’t even read the OPs posts and just berate the OP themselves, the MIL, and anyone else they have a hobbyhorse about. It’s not that posters are anti-men, it’s that lots of posters are just dicks to everyone.

I also use the forum as a space for general entertainment. I also marvel at how in my view, general marital or relationship problems grow into a catastrophe.
Then it's wholesale LTB or I'm married to Peter perfect.

I do.

I have a son. I have to say the last thing I worry about is that he will be the victim of a false allegation.

Why? It's not exactly rare.

However I mainly try to remember that mumsnet is largely full of women with bad experiences.