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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Mums of sons. (Hard hat on for this)

637 replies

Daniagainagainagainagain · 26/08/2024 12:36

Apologies for the grabby title. I've NC'd for this as I have a few running threads currently with very outing and personal details on.

Anyway back to the point.
I see SO many threads on here where the topic about the thread is about a guy. It's not even necessarily bad about the bloke in question, but so many many posters just seem to hate men. Not give them the benefit of the doubt. Tear them a new arsehole for merely posting on MN asking for advice. There was a thread recently about a woman seeing a really nice guy, a gentlemen as she described him where he had been separated for literally YEARS but wasn't divorced. Turns out there were cultural differences meaning divorce in that country is very rare. People kept saying 'throw him back in the sea' 'he's a liar' one poster called him a wanker.. there was no evidence that he was a wanker and the OP seemed happy with the guy. Just more people clutching for their moment to berate men. It's always the guys fault on here no matter what.

It's always the same posters more often than not berating men, shooting them down, and just hating them. I wonder, do these women posters have sons? If so, do you think your sons are exempt from such awful insults because 'my boy would never'? I can't imagine these posters talking about their sons like that. So do you pick and choose, is it one rule for your sons and one for all other men?

Before it labelled being 'cool' I have just got out of a 10 year abusive relationship where ex cheated multiple times to the point of police involvement. I am not naive to think some of these guys deserve what they get.

AIBU? To think there's huge double standards? To call strangers with no reason to, wankers, but to also think the son shines out of your son's arses?

I know I'll probably ruffle some feathers but I'd genuinely like to know. And yes I have DC.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
RinklyRomaine · 26/08/2024 22:13

ImSoExited · 26/08/2024 20:55

Well I think you're remarkable op.

For a woman who has been subjected to domestic violence to be strong enough to put a post out pointing out the suffering of men, by opposing apparently bitter and twisted MN female posters is commendable, if not unbelievable.

Quite 🙄

INeedAnotherName · 26/08/2024 22:13

sarfwestlondonmassive · 26/08/2024 22:11

@INeedAnotherName @BabaYetu @BernardBlacksBreakfastWine

The comment that was deleted that was mine was because it was about another thread.

You only need to look at the first couple of replies to my thread to see others who have had comments deleted.

But you obviously want to cherry pick one of mine that's been deleted.
Stop reaching for your 'gotcha' moment. It wasn't that deep of a comment to be deleted.

Many many people on here agree with me. Some partially. Some don't. So there's obviously strong views on both sides. And that's okay! You just can't handle it.

Daniagainagainagainagain · Today 18:36
This reply has been deleted
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

And four others afterwards. Unless you are the OP with a name change?

BernardBlacksBreakfastWine · 26/08/2024 22:18

Missamyp · 26/08/2024 21:36

Strawman and critical thinking are not compatible.🙄

What are you talking about? An actual point might go down well around now. You mentioned a consensus, I think. Where’s that?

ImSoExited · 26/08/2024 22:20

I bet you wish you hadn't started this thread op, a very emotive subject with many coming in with different perspectives.

As far as sticking up for men as a whole I think I would reserve judgement op till you are older, a full life or a long life can change your views, whether it be poor partners or even poor children who behave unkindly to elderly parents.

Male and females can be bad.

Honestly, the worst I've seen with women is poor motherhood, afairs, putting men before children, substance abuse, (in some cases to cope with abuse from men) and lower level gambling, and theft, this is personally, whereas up to now with men I've known, many gamblers, alcoholics, serial cheaters, theives, involved with drugs, men who abandon their children, 1 bigamist, sexual abusers, 2 pedophiles, domestic violence abusers, including 1 woman who commited suicide due to DA, and 3 men who have murdered their partners.

The list goes on and these abhorant features you realise as you age become more numerous as the failings of their cover ups begin to show. In other words many of these men appear quite normal when young and as they age they are found out and the ability to keep their mask on deteriorates.

And this is not a class thing, I've known all classes, some wealthy some not be affected.

Men are really are different species, the really hard discoveries I should imagine are when the mother's and children of these men become exposed. If you think it's just wives and partners, think again.

I could cry for some of the atrocities that men have commited and you want to start a thread on a predominantly female safe space site to promote their goodness, well, we all know many good ones and those good ones recognise that this type of forum is for us the women who want to support and uplift one another and also protect any future abuse happening to women.

We will warn and warn till the cows come home.
We are women and can be magnificent and be empathetic towards our fellow women, even those who fall under the spell of bad men.

LuminousCrystalFox · 26/08/2024 22:20

INeedAnotherName · 26/08/2024 22:13

Daniagainagainagainagain · Today 18:36
This reply has been deleted
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

And four others afterwards. Unless you are the OP with a name change?

Unless you are the OP with a name change?

🫢🫢🫢 🍿

BabaYetu · 26/08/2024 22:23

sarfwestlondonmassive · 26/08/2024 22:11

@INeedAnotherName @BabaYetu @BernardBlacksBreakfastWine

The comment that was deleted that was mine was because it was about another thread.

You only need to look at the first couple of replies to my thread to see others who have had comments deleted.

But you obviously want to cherry pick one of mine that's been deleted.
Stop reaching for your 'gotcha' moment. It wasn't that deep of a comment to be deleted.

Many many people on here agree with me. Some partially. Some don't. So there's obviously strong views on both sides. And that's okay! You just can't handle it.

You misunderstood. The OP replied to my post on the thread - I received a notification. When I clicked to read it, OP’s reply had been deleted by MNHQ as breaking the guidelines.

She can’t respond within the rules, it appears. I cast no aspersions on others. So I have no idea what Gotcha moment you are on about.

Daniagainagainagainagain · 26/08/2024 22:24

Yep that is me, for one post I forgot to change my name as I have a few running as I mentioned in my OP.
Whats wrong with that?

You won't catch me out like you're trying to, it was an innocent mistake. :)

To confirm for the GOTCHAs YES below that was me, just to confirm. Again, accidentally forgot to change my name back.

OP posts:
Starlingexpress · 26/08/2024 22:27

Daniagainagainagainagain · 26/08/2024 22:24

Yep that is me, for one post I forgot to change my name as I have a few running as I mentioned in my OP.
Whats wrong with that?

You won't catch me out like you're trying to, it was an innocent mistake. :)

To confirm for the GOTCHAs YES below that was me, just to confirm. Again, accidentally forgot to change my name back.

🍿🍿🍿🍿

BernardBlacksBreakfastWine · 26/08/2024 22:28

Hard to get a feel for any genuine ‘consensus’ when OP is busy posting under various different names…

LuminousCrystalFox · 26/08/2024 22:31

Op got BUSTED 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Well done 👏

INeedAnotherName · 26/08/2024 22:33

That name only shows up in this thread though. Nothing to do with your others.

But you are being very aggressive and antagonistic on this thread and there's not been a need for that as nobody has been this way to you, so I'm assuming there's something cracking off in your real life, maybe old anger issues/undercurrents that haven't been talked through with your therapist regarding your marriage. Might be worth exploring these anger issues with them to stop it leaking out onto others. Nobody deserves that except your Ex.

I hope your future is happier than today.

Daniagainagainagainagain · 26/08/2024 22:34

Can anyone know what's 'busted' about forgetting about changing a username as you're flicking between a couple of threads, then rectifying it by confirming that was me?

Christ the things you lot get wet over 😂 so sad

OP posts:
Daniagainagainagainagain · 26/08/2024 22:35

INeedAnotherName · 26/08/2024 22:33

That name only shows up in this thread though. Nothing to do with your others.

But you are being very aggressive and antagonistic on this thread and there's not been a need for that as nobody has been this way to you, so I'm assuming there's something cracking off in your real life, maybe old anger issues/undercurrents that haven't been talked through with your therapist regarding your marriage. Might be worth exploring these anger issues with them to stop it leaking out onto others. Nobody deserves that except your Ex.

I hope your future is happier than today.

Im going to get my back up over people deliberately twisting my words, and making up lies.

It's normal.
It's very typical on MN for women to stay quiet and be silent and to be the bigger person and not speak up, it's actually something I've worked with my therapist to get better at. :)

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 26/08/2024 22:37

What words am I twisting? What lies?

BernardBlacksBreakfastWine · 26/08/2024 22:38

I just can’t take OPs like this seriously- it doesn’t seem in good faith.

It’s not that there’s never anything unfair said about men on here. It’s just that it’s such a drop in the ocean. Men have blighted women’s lives for centuries. That’s not to say there aren’t lovely, good men - there are! They’re the ones who’ve helped us get some semblance of equality.

But it’s still not an even playing field, obviously, and the ‘double standards’ are, 99% of the time, in men’s favour! We’ve even had women coming onto this very thread, singing the praises of men who are doing basic level parenting! So it sits ill with me that any woman would take the trouble to start a thread about the 1% of times when a man gets the sharp end of the ‘double standards’ situation. It’s off.

Starlingexpress · 26/08/2024 22:40
Not Listening Sock Puppets GIF by Your Happy Workplace

OP stop digging 😂

Daniagainagainagainagain · 26/08/2024 22:40

INeedAnotherName · 26/08/2024 22:37

What words am I twisting? What lies?

It wasn't aimed at you, I was just explaining why some of my replies are of that tone.

I've had insults hurled at me, so I'll defend myself.

OP posts:
Daniagainagainagainagain · 26/08/2024 22:41

Starlingexpress · 26/08/2024 22:40

OP stop digging 😂

Stop replying then?😂

OP posts:
Starlingexpress · 26/08/2024 22:43

Daniagainagainagainagain · 26/08/2024 22:41

Stop replying then?😂

Aww OP it’s ok. Your credibility is still intact 😎

INeedAnotherName · 26/08/2024 22:44

@BernardBlacksBreakfastWine
So it sits ill with me that any woman would take the trouble to start a thread about the 1% of times when a man gets the sharp end of the ‘double standards’ situation. It’s off.

Well quite. Especially by someone who's had ten years of abuse that required police intervention. Might explain the anger but it doesn't explain the starting position.

I think I'm hiding this thread, it's too rotten.

ImSoExited · 26/08/2024 22:46

INeedAnotherName · 26/08/2024 22:33

That name only shows up in this thread though. Nothing to do with your others.

But you are being very aggressive and antagonistic on this thread and there's not been a need for that as nobody has been this way to you, so I'm assuming there's something cracking off in your real life, maybe old anger issues/undercurrents that haven't been talked through with your therapist regarding your marriage. Might be worth exploring these anger issues with them to stop it leaking out onto others. Nobody deserves that except your Ex.

I hope your future is happier than today.

I have a feeling op is being influenced by some male 'victim' out there.

I can feel protection mode in full swing.

Op, you're not under some charlaton's spell are you ?

LuminousCrystalFox · 26/08/2024 22:48

Daniagainagainagainagain · 26/08/2024 22:34

Can anyone know what's 'busted' about forgetting about changing a username as you're flicking between a couple of threads, then rectifying it by confirming that was me?

Christ the things you lot get wet over 😂 so sad

You’re really just digging yourself a deeper hole 🥴 Well, since you’re apparently new here and don’t understand how MN works, there are protocols in place to stop sock puppets from replying to their own threads. So you’re clearly not just flicking between threads and forgetting to change your username, because um, you can’t. Unless of course, you’re using sock puppet accounts.

Mums of sons. (Hard hat on for this)
Daniagainagainagainagain · 26/08/2024 23:29

@LuminousCrystalFox I'm not new here? Why are you making things up? Odd.

I'm flicking between a couple of threads and I have personal outing information on my account so I regularly change my name.

As soon as I realised, I explained what happened. There's nothing else to it and the fact you're creaming your pants over a very probably common mistake, shows how much time you obviously have on your hands.

And yeah, I'll keep 'digging'. Many people on this thread agree with me. Many also don't but they're not piling on like you and your little mates below. Calm down a bit love, it's okay.

OP posts:
Americano75 · 26/08/2024 23:33

'Creaming your pants'
'The things you lot get wet over'

That's nice.

alldayeveryday247 · 26/08/2024 23:40

@sarfwestlondonmassive

It was because it was a TAAT - HTH.

OP's deleted posts weren't deleted for that reason. I was clearly referring to OP and their posts, as I said the following:

"Maybe consider why your replies are being deleted OP and whether it might be because you're engaging with people really poorly and saying inappropriate things."

Did you think for some reason I was referring to your posts? Or are you OP under a different name? I'm not sure why you felt my previous post (suggesting OP think about why their responses are being deleted) was about you?