He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

RUN for the hills! Sorry @Burritowrap he is a wanker and there is no coming back from this.

@Burritowrap kindly he is messing you about and seems to have 0 care for you. I don’t think I’d even bother to engage further. I’d just ghost him. The things he said were so offensive and hurtful. He doesn’t think enough of you to introduce you to his friends…he’s not going to marry you and have kids with you. Don’t waste any more time on him. If you feel you must I’d send a very short message saying that it’s clear you’re not compatible and wish him a good life. Please don’t waste more time or energy on this man. Luck your rounds and get back out there. Set your bar higher from outset and be upfront about what you want. Men who want it too will come towards you. Men who don’t will run away.

Something’s not adding up. Another GF? A wife?

Sorry but this one is over isn’t it? In fact, I’m not sure it would’ve lasted more than two minutes after he told me I could only meet his friends if I got promoted.

This is someone who does not actually want to be with you, OP.

What @GreyCarpet said, dignified dumping is the way to go.

Then you live the best life.

I'd bet your promotion that he has been married. In fact, I'd bet he still is!

He’s not husband material, my dh couldn’t wait to introduce me to people he loved it because he thought I was amazing.

Give yourself 10 mins to feel sad and hurt then text and tell him (in whatever language you prefer to use) that either "this is no longer what I want" or "fuck off you absolute bell-end and do not contact me again".

This is not the man for you. Quite honestly, this is not the man for any woman.

Time for a bit of Maya Angelou’s wisdom
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

So….he wants to START having a family at nearly 50? Does that sound like a reasonable, well-thought-out plan to you, @Burritowrap , or do you think he’s just throwing out a random number, way down the line, to get you to stop thinking about it now? Why do I have a strong feeling this guy WON’T be wanting kids in 5 years’ time? I think he’s Future Faking you. ‘We can do x once you meet this career milestone.” “We can do x in 5 years.” What is he offering you TODAY, seeing that you’ve now given him one year of your life?

Because he's an asshole. Don't waste one second more on him, he's not changing now.

"We don't want the same things so unfortunately this doesn't work for me any longer. Best of luck!"

And block.

It’s no wonder you are sad and confused and feel let down.

But it’s terrific that you finally know who he is and what he wants so that you don’t spend any more time or energy or emotion on him.
You end the relationship right now.
Send a text …he deserves no more than that.
“I’ve finally realised we aren’t compatible. Have a good life. Goodbye”

I'd string him along, get your promotion, meet his mates and then dump him 😆

What a knob.

Some men deserve never to be married (some women too, though not the point of this thread). He is one of them.

Dumping him in person would show you are dignified. Ending by text or email is a bit cowardly, unless your safety could be compromised (no suggestion of that).

He's an arsehole, you seem like a nice person, therefore not compatible. LTB ASAP.

I’m sorry Op, but to have been dating a year and not have met his friends is a big red flag to me. Is there a large age difference?

The nuclear option is always tempting, but I like this. Classy.

Almost like a rejection letter for an applicant who didn't get the promotion.....

He's a first class prick and sounds very controlling. You'd be doing yourself a massive favour by telling him to fuck off because it will only get worse. You deserve so much better.

The sudden change around marriage/kids sounds like it could be related to feelings around his birthday and age.

But needing a promotion to meet his friends??
Promote yourself to single and hotfoot it out of there!!

You’re a Deputy Head! Something to be proud of! If I were your BF, I would be proud to introduce Deputy Head Burritowrap to my friends!

(Please tell me you’re not both at the same school. 🙈 And for reference, what senior leadership is CF in, anyway?)

Don’t send that or anything like it.

44 !!!
how old are you ?

i thought from the way you wrote that you were both late teens / early 20's at most.

' This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it. '

What was all this with the ' their ' and ' them ' surely you meant ' his ' and ' him '

and he wants to wait until he is almost 50 before he has children ?

i think this is a wind up

Still have the party with your friends though, just don't invite him.

I wish I’d had this on my wall as a teenager. Would have saved me a lot of future angst.