He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

Exactly. He said we could have seperate parties. One for my friends and me and then one for his friends.

You want different things and are going at a different pace. You can discuss it, although I think it's fairly clear that the differences are irreconcilable.

You need to end the relationship. You want marriage and kids. He wants to wait five years until you're in a better financial position and your career is better established. That's fine. He doesn't want you to meet all his friends until he knows this is solid.

End it simply and explain why. Find someone who wants the same as you do.

He either has another wife/girlfriend or is waiting for something better to come along. Either way he doesn't love you and has NO intention of ever settling down with you. He sounds like an absolute prick, please dump him asap!

RED FLAG

(one of many I assume if you think about it...)

Ex-boyfriend, surely? Leave fast, go far and never look back. He's a sad little dickhead and he's only going to get worse. If you want to have kids they need a good man as a father. This ain't it.

He sounds bad. I know someone whose DH divorced them. Both were lawyers and partners, she decided to leave to become a florist and he was embarrassed. They could more than afford it but he liked introducing her as a partner/lawyer. Your guy sounds like he could turn out this way!

Yes he is 44 now. Never had kids or married. I am younger, I am working on my career to be a Headteacher and I am a few years off.
Ideally I wanted to have kids before I get into headship, as I am currently deputy head and want to balance being with my family. He said I could just get a nanny to raise them and focus on my career. I felt like crying during the meal as I have made things very clear that I am looking for a partner that wants a family/marriage.

Be done.

Yes he is 44 now. Never had kids or married.

What a shocker. Can't think why.

Both of u having differing opinions on marriage and kids is a major issue, but u r entitled to ur opinion. Waiting till u receive ur promotion before introducing u is shockingly shallow and concerning. Know ur worth- get rid.

OMG the rudeness !!!

deffo dump. But maybe find out the alternative party plans so you can see if he is already married / has a gf. Just in case you are tempted to go back after he lies to you to keep you sweet

You said his parents have been told about you but you've never met is that right? Unless they live in New Zealand and you are in the UK or there is a back story with his childhood don't you think that's odd too?

He sounds both arrogant in that he thinks hes better than you, but also insecure enough that hes unduly concerned about other peoples opinions on his choice of partner.
Thats a whole weird thing i couldn't be arsed pandering to.
I think after his performance last night id send him a message saying 'hey, ive had time to think q few things over recently, and last nights conversation i think was really useful in confirming to me that we really aren't on the same wavelength. Im not interested in having to impress your colleagues, and if you think after this long that I still wouldn't make the grade to your family and friends, then i think its best we don't continue with the charade. Ive got nothing to prove to any of you and a relationship is supposed to bring joy and comfort. Not anxiety and silly little tests.
Hope you find whoever it is youre looking for, but it aint me babe. Seeya.

There's either a serious power imbalance between you which his mates will think is weird, or he's got another girlfriend his work pals know about, or he's just a freaking weirdo.

None of these traits make him a keeper.

How do you respond? You leave the utter piece of you know what 🤷🏼‍♀️

He sounds horrible. You could do much better than him. How derogatory to talk to you like that. Not nice. Walk away!

Oh this is definitely over. What an unpleasant, deceitful man. You do not want to make an enemy of him.

I would say:

Dear Twat,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on how things are going between us. On reflection, I'm relieved that you were able to be honest. My feelings for you aren't what they once were and I know we'd both be happier apart. I'm really looking forward to a fresh start and wish you every success as you move forward too. take care. X

You are deputy head & this isn't enough 🤔 I agree with others...LTB...I find it hard to believe he really is single. Don't waste anymore time with him.

It's not about the promotion is it?
He's looking for excuses not to introduce you to his friends (let's wait for promotion must've been first reason that popped into his head). He's clearly hiding something.
1 year relationship and did you meet ANY of his friends or family? Meeting only twice a week??
Have you been on holiday together?

He needs demoting from boyfriend to ex.

You sound like a fantastic partner. Independent and thoughtful with a clear idea of what you want. You deserve so much better than this waste of air

He doesn’t sound like good husband material. Why were you attracted to him when you met? Also don’t think of it as wasting a year of your life with him , think of it as saving yourself from another 5 years before he tells you children are off the table and he leaves you. And gets another woman pregnant within a year.
He doesn’t care about you enough if you haven’t met his friends and he most definitely doesn’t love you if he isn’t already proud of you.

Honestly, in twelve months time you will look back on this and be so delighted you dumped him.

Sounds like he’s saying you’re not good enough yet! He’s not going to be the one for you.

This is just strange behaviour to say the least! You’d have met his friends from the get go if he liked you. He’s either not into you or hiding something. Just get rid, what a weirdo!