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He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

818 replies

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

OP posts:
pollymere · 27/08/2024 19:34

I couldn't be with anyone who was ashamed of me... Which is what he's saying essentially.

CatherineDurrant · 27/08/2024 19:35

Sorry, he sees you as a project. He's now told you who and what he is (!), so please believe him and move on.

JennyBG · 27/08/2024 19:37

I haven’t read all the comments…I don’t have to. I bet EVERY one is telling you to dump him, and everyone is right. He doesn’t love you. Is that what you want? Someone who is only interested in how YOU make HIM look to his friends and family? He should adore you. He should worship the ground you walk on. He should be longing to have babies with you. He’s doing none of these things. Cut your losses, because believe me, there is someone out there for you that is everything that this man isn’t…go find him!!

Mittleme · 27/08/2024 19:38

Indeed lol! Tell him to f* off .
its good that at least some show themselves up before commuting to any marriage .
the its up to you to run for your dear life .

Moll2020 · 27/08/2024 19:38

Huge red flag - tell him to eff off!

Iamtired123 · 27/08/2024 19:41

He says you're too full on? Dump him NOW before he dulls your shine and you become a shell of a person

hoxtonbabe · 27/08/2024 19:41

He is bloody cheeky! He’d be getting binned.

CrazyChefDoDoDoDoDoDo · 27/08/2024 19:50

Take the job and leave the man!

What an absolute joke he is. You are good enough as you are. You'll be even better without him!

WotsYourExcuse · 27/08/2024 19:53

Sound controlling. Tell him he needs to earn x amount before you'd consider marrying him and see how he responds.

Andwhatfreshhellisthis · 27/08/2024 19:58

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 14:24

No, I am up for a promotion of head next year, but undecided whether to take it or not. I have to decide in the next few months. I was going to do a few more years as deputy to have time and energy to start a family as I am in my 30s.

This is NOT how it works. You know that if you are a teacher. Headteacher applications are not assigned to people but external applications. Not internal. Neither are they promised or eat marked for people in advance.

Andwhatfreshhellisthis · 27/08/2024 19:58

Andwhatfreshhellisthis · 27/08/2024 19:58

This is NOT how it works. You know that if you are a teacher. Headteacher applications are not assigned to people but external applications. Not internal. Neither are they promised or eat marked for people in advance.

Not eat marked 🤣but ear marked. I am astounded you believe that you are entitled to a headship.

Andwhatfreshhellisthis · 27/08/2024 20:00

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

what for two years time or next year? Or during the summer holidays? No. I work in a private school - this doesn’t happen they must be open

pizzaHeart · 27/08/2024 20:04

HazelPlayer · 27/08/2024 09:25

He hasn't introduced you to his family.
He hasn't introduced you to his friends.
When you say it'll be good to meet his friends, he makes up a frankly RIDICULOUS excuse as to why he won't introduce you yet.

There is literally no-one on his planet who wouldn't introduce their girlfriend to family and friends after a year because she doesn't have a particular job title yet.

It's an excuse. He cast around for any excuse under pressure and grabbed that - which is nonsensical.

(You must be a very good person all round for him to have such trouble manufacturing any excuse as to why he isn't introducing you to his family and friends).
This reminds me a small amount of a thread with a poster whose bf wouldn't take her to a BBQ with friends because she apparently didn't have fancy enough clothes with her to wear to it, he then wouldn't take her to his gym/pool (with their child) because first of all she wasn't well dressed enough and then (when she pointed out she had clean, presentable clothes on and she was only going to spectate), he said her hair wasn't "done" enough. A poster pointed out that he didn't want seen with her at the gym, I asked her if he'd ever been involved with other women and - what a shock - he'd been caught cheating with multiple women during the earlier stages of the relationship.

When men make up ludicrous excuses as to why his gf can't attend events and be seen there as his partner.... There is something going on.

He also claimed his friends don't know about his birthday; unlikely - given his other behaviour, it's more likely he had an event/meeting with them for his birthday but excluded you.

He's hiding you.

So .... Why is he making up ludicrous excuses for why you can't be introduced to his family and friends??

I can't think of many reasons other than that you're not his main partner.

There's something very sketchy going on with him. His you'll get to the bottom of it, I don't know.

Is it even worth the energy of getting to the bottom of it.

Edited

This ^ spot on

IcySwan · 27/08/2024 20:12

Op,
Don't even respond. No response is a response. Just go radio silent. It will be very telling to see how hard (if) he tries to stay in contact with you. My feeling is he will slither away. Treat his behaviour with the contempt it deserves.

If you feel the need to send a text and he is as vain as you said, and feel like head fucking him a bit, maybe something like

'After some consideration I think this has run its course. I'm on track for promotion and need to focus on that, you need to focus on your narcissistic tendencies with a therapist/ exorcist/dog trainer, the stars just aren't aligning.

Also, someone when we were last out together, mistook you for my Dad. I didn't mind the age gap, when it was just your immaturity, but I don't want to give the impression I have daddy issues. I've now blocked your number. All the best'.

FWIW, I think he's considering early retirement, which is maybe 10 or so years away and wants to make sure you have the income to support his lifestyle, and a nanny as he won't lift a finger with any children. I also wouldn't be surprised if he has debts, secret kids or something dark under the surface as keeping you away from his friends is massively suss when you could easily track them down on social media.

I want you to do something for me OP. I want you to sit and list all of the things about you, that make you an absolute catch. All of the positives. Everything you like about yourself right down to the tiniest little thing. Add to it over the next few days. Re read it. Memorise it almost. So whenever you have a wobble about this so called man, or a specimen like him, you can wear it like amour. You are an Hermes handbag and he's treating you like a tesco bag for life. That doesn't lessen your value, it makes him an idiot.

Consider the year you spent with him charity work helping the less fortunate and go back to being your high achieving, considerate, fabulous self.

If you need your crown straightening, let me know. When women build other women up, amazing things happen!

Fatchilli99 · 27/08/2024 20:13

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Yippeee onwards and upwards . Congratulations 🥳

MillicentMama · 27/08/2024 20:15

Congrats on your promotion OP and on dumping this knob!!

thebestinterest · 27/08/2024 20:16

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

OP!!! KINDLY, find your self esteem and dump this wanker. WTF? You can’t be this desperate???

disregard, saw the update.

MayNov · 27/08/2024 20:19

Sethera · 26/08/2024 10:43

Tell him to fuck off. Pathetic behaviour. LTB.

I second this

Supertayto · 27/08/2024 20:23

OP, this is terrible. To have wasted a year with this twat must feel like a long time to have invested to then throw away, but it is a long old life. Too long to be stuck with someone so horrific. How dare he belittle what you’ve achieved so far. How dare he link your successes to milestones in your relationship like hoops to jump through. Vile. Dump him immediately, take the headship and enjoy your life. May his dick shrivel up and fall off. Twat.

Matronic6 · 27/08/2024 20:24

Andwhatfreshhellisthis · 27/08/2024 19:58

This is NOT how it works. You know that if you are a teacher. Headteacher applications are not assigned to people but external applications. Not internal. Neither are they promised or eat marked for people in advance.

That is the standard, but I know of a couple of occasions were headteacher posts were not filled successfully and they then approached an existing member of staff about the post.

Zone2NorthLondon · 27/08/2024 20:26

Congratulations! You’ve smashed it. Dump the querulous git. He is ghastly. Run, far far away

happygertie · 27/08/2024 20:28

He wants you to leave him so he doesn't have to leave you

Laura95167 · 27/08/2024 20:30

There's a lot to unpack here. Just throw whole suitcase out with him

Whatinthedoopla · 27/08/2024 20:36

This guy does not want to marry you or have children with you. Anyone who does, will not try to delay it by 5 or so years, especially after talking about it, and not wanting to show you off right now... He needs to get a personality

TuesdayWhistler · 27/08/2024 20:41

What a cunt.

Together a year but haven't met the friends?

That should be ringing alarm bells the size of the Fucking bell at st Bastard Pauls with more red flags than they make at Red Flags R Us "we make a million a day for all your flagging needs"

Has society failed so much that this type.of bollocks from.men is just shrugged and accepted? I'd rather be alone for fucking ever every bastarding day than tolerate such bullshit shitey shit from some arse weasel fart faced half cocked donkey douching jack ass.